Doing the Dudley Moore

Simon discusses charity work, his bright wardrobe, and his Speedos!

OK riveting TV - it's a dog's first b'day! Let's celebrate Aston, er no, it's an excuse for LuAnn to have a drinks party and hot pink Ramona wants a cocktail (and then sheepishly looks around for who might lick it off her arm). Quizzed by Bethenny on why she left the Help for Orphans benefit without saying goodbye (and in my mind leaving before the auction is worse than not saying farewells), she comes out with another Ramona-ism: "I didn't want to interrupt the flow."

So now we're on to discussion about the 'new girl' Kelly, and if this isn't a scene that takes you back to high school with the posse talking about the new arrival I don't know what is. Jill: "What's the dirt" "was she warm & friendly" "where's she live" ...so here I'm on Ramona's side but then Jill gives a nice little speech about Alex sponsoring two orphans for a year though as far as Ramona's concerned we did it "to kiss Jill's butt." Yeah right!

So after our little charitable endeavor, we're off shopping to buy some wardrobe for season 2. Here you'll see me buy the jacket, shirt & trousers I wore to the party shown last week, several bright colorful "fins" which you might see a lot of throughout the season and of course the Herve Leger dress that Alex wears in this season's credits.

Across to the pool and Bethenny finally finds her prince charming, but she neglects to kiss him and alas he stays a frog and she single. So still single Bethenny learns Jill's bed is better than a therapists' couch and the dreaded J word is brought up. I'll let people more distant to Bethenny than me call the rest of this scene, but as Bethenny says 'she wants to focus on more on herself.' Hmm. Next we cut to Bethenny showing just HOW MUCH IT SHOWS that Jill is from Long Island, but as they say context is everything.

Jill's Mom & Dad, and all their closets arrive as well as something she raided from her vault for Jill! How sweet! But the kicker is when Jill says she's never seen it her Mom says, well of course you haven't seen it – it's 14 carat! You just have to love Moms!

Ramona shows Bethenny her (17-year-old) ten rules to dating and unlike Jill she's not one to brag, but judging by the picture one of her rules must have been being dropped in a vat of oil first.

You gotta love our music intro! Here you see Alex show that black clothes in the Hamptons look a little out of place (not to mention the shoes) but then thankfully she doesn't keep them on for long. Here she wears a bikini bought at the aforementioned shopping spree, and I get to rip out my famous turquoise Speedos! (If you never want to see me in them again then please send all donations to 'Help for Orphans' – sponsor two children for a year and I'll even mail you the Speedos!) As Alex walks back in from the water doing her best Bo Derek impression (LOL) you see me doing mine of Dudley Moore as I'm dumped heavily by a wave. And so we retire to the sand while I lick my wounds (well just a sand scratched back actually).

Ally's off to Paris and thankfully resists her Mother's instruction to wear sneakers in Paris. Ally, you're right Prada wedges are much better.

Kelly goes to a fabulosity party and joins the other 10 people there (for what seems like 5 minutes before more fabulosity beckons).

Gloria does Bethenny and holds up the mirror cracked. At least here Bethenny really seems to reflect and you'll just have to see in future episodes if B takes any of Gloria's (wise) information to heart. You can see from this scene where Jill gets her heart from.

Next, after ordering a pizza, it's off to the American Cancer Society benefit and LuAnn learns the dangers of saying one thing, nay chastising others for doing something, and then doing the same thing oneself. One thing is for sure, if the cameras find anything on us that highlights a contradiction you can be sure it will be televised for all the world to see.

As you can see in the "what's coming up" next episode I make Ramona's skin crawl and you get to see all my flesh! You'll have to see what happens and we'll see you next week!

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