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From Oranges to Apples!

OC's Tamra Barney takes a bite outta the big apple Housewives.

By Tamra Judge

What's not to love about the New York Housewives? They speak their mind, they dress well, they have tons of money, jewels, drivers, vacation homes, high society parities and they know how to knock a bitch down if they have to. So far this season everyone is vacationing in the Hamptons and it looks like an amazing place to be. Jill starts the season by pissing off Simon and Alex by talking to a reporter — that's never good! But they made up at a party and everyone was fine. So far my favorite was the Tea party, I would much rather be around a bunch of handsome, fun, outgoing, well dressed gay men that won't hit on you then any other party in the world. And NO, I don't think anyone noticed you Bethenny. Simon and Alex go shopping and drop 8K, the ladies go surfing and B picks up the tab, Jill's Mom gives advice and Alex & Simon go to the spa. I don't know about you, but I couldn't get my Simon to go the spa to save my life.

They speak their mind, they dress well, they have tons of money, jewels, drivers, vacation homes, high society parities and they know how to knock a bitch down if they have to.

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I was a little surprised to see Alex and Simon (aka SILAX) there. I think they said last season that they did not like the Hamptons, I might be wrong? I am not a snob by any means and would be happy to stay in the house they rented. But I could not help thinking it looked a lot like the house in the Amityville Horror movie. I thought maybe they took the wrong turn on the Long Island expressway and ended up at 112 Ocean Ave? These two really confuse me, I don't know if I like them or I need to take a shower after watching them. I love the fact that they are SO IN LOVE that they are starting to look like each other and their boys are simple adorable. But why do they have to keep reminding us that St. Barts is so much better then the Hamptons? I was glad to see they got some alone time at the beach. The viewers got to see and hear Simon talk about his package in his Speedo, and the following week we got to see him almost naked, nipple hair and all. These two are pretty entertaining and the show would not be the same with out them.

Jill's house is beautiful and what a great friend to let Bethenny stay with her all summer. Jill just cracks me up how she needs to know everything before it even happens - I think everyone has a friend or relative like that. When I think of Jill the first thing that comes to mind is: HI, I'M JILL ZARIN WITH ZARIN FABRICS...over and over again. Last week I lost count of how many times she actually said it. Jill is always dressed to the nines, jewels and all. How cute was she on the beach with 30,000 dollars worth of jewelry on while taking pictures of the girls surfing? She is definitely the mommy of the group. Was I seeing things or was Jill wearing a "Team Jill" t-shirt? Boy, that girl is working it at all times. YOU TOO CAN BUY ONE at www.bravotv.com or go to www.jillzarin.com or maybe even www.jillknowshowtoworkit.com! Gotta love her desire to make a buck!

YOU TOO CAN BUY ONE at www.bravotv.com or go to www.jillzarin.com or maybe even www.jillknowshowtoworkit.com! Gotta love her desire to make a buck!

Bethenny, Bethenny, Bethenny we know Bethenny bakes but does Bethenny eat? You look great girl and amazingly skinny. If anyone can rock a bikini that girl can...do I spy new breast implants? I have started a list of Bethenny's one-liners and I will share them at the end of the season. Bethenny seems to have a positive attitude at all times and she keeps things real. I think that's a great quality and probably the reason she is so successful. It was sad to see that she had broken up with Jason. I met him once and he seemed to be a great guy. But I know very well it is hard to blend families, especially if one does not have kids of their own. I think Jill's mom gave Bethenny great advice, but I have a feeling that Lady B doesn't need help meeting men at all!

Ramona reminds me of myself, I think she means well but suffers from brutal honesty and diarrhea of the mouth. So far she has been pretty mild compared to last year, but I bet the REAL RAMONA will be stepping out soon. You GO Ramona! Avery has really grown up in a year and I am sorry to hear that she has juvenile rheumatory arthritis. I too hope she grows out of it. It is hard to see your child sick and in pain. My heart goes out to her.

Does it really matter if the pizza guy knows you are a countess?

Luann is starting to drive me crazy and that's a short trip. I personally don't get the whole "I'm a countess" attitude. Does it really matter if the pizza guy knows you are a countess? She spends so much time worrying about how people address her she should wear a name tag. She seems like she worries about it more then "The Count" himself? Simon asked me "Did he buy his title, because they sure act like it." The dog party was cute, but do people really do that? I am sorry to hear about her father and can't imagine losing a parent. I loved how she went up and told everyone to be quiet. I HATE when people are talking while they should be listening — IT IS SO RUDE!

Kelly, hmmmm, not sure about her yet. We know she's tall, pretty, rides horses and is a model, but not much more then that. For being the new girl they sure don't show very much of her. There is a lot of mystery there for some reason. Was she a rotten little apple and didn't let them film her that much? Can't wait to see more of her.

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