Cast Blog: #RHONY

The Queen of One-Liners

Tamra muses on this week's episode and brainstorms potential book titles!

OK, I'm starting this blog pissed off because I had to watch this episode three times just to find something interesting. I poured myself a glass of wine, then it came to me. This is the damn Bethenny show and she isn't even a housewife. All the housewives in New York and a single broad is running the show? Go figure!

Ramona and Bethenny are walking their dogs down the MIDDLE of the street talking about how HOT Mario is and how NOT the Count is. To our surprise Mario comes cruising by in his Porsche (which reminds me of an old joke on why pricks drive Porsche's.) To everyone's surprise, Ramona throws the bag of dog crap into Mario's car and he wings it back at her. Oh my God, I swear I threw up in my mouth then swallowed. There is something about dog crap in a bag that grosses me out.

All the housewives in New York and a single broad is running the show? Go figure!

I wanted to give LuAnn a big hug tonight. She was so cute walking around the house talking with her mouth full of food about the animals that they killed (run Aston run) and about how much she will miss Victoria. She didn't ONCE refer to her self as the Duchess, the Princess or the Countess...whatever her title is. She seemed really down to earth, I have a feeling she really is a sweet lady.

Silex is back from St Barts. I am a little bummed we didn't get to watch them prance around the beach half naked making googly eyes at each other and shopping for clothes.

I am sure they were so excited to be home and check out the progress, I know I would be. Holy crap, what a mess! I think at that point I would have gotten back in my car and checked into Simon's Hotel. Instead they did what any social climber would do, they went through their invites. By the way, where were the kids while you two were breathing heavy about all the parities you were invited to? I'm sure they were well taken care of, but I just had to ask.

Housewives Gone Wild. Botox Gone Bad. 18 and Knocked Up. Yeah, I don't think a book deal is going to work for me.

I am feeling a little left out! I guess the big money ticket for reality stars (I use the word STAR lightly) is to write a book? Bethenny has Naturally Thin, LuAnn has Class with the Countess and now Simon is writing a book on raising children. So I started thinking...hmmm, what can I come up with? So, I have a few titles I would like to bounce off you. How to Get A B*!@h Drunk. Housewives Gone Wild. Botox Gone Bad. 18 and Knocked Up.

Yeah, I don't think a book deal is going to work for me.

 

Congratulations Kelly, you had 3 minutes of airtime this week. It was nice to see her daughters who were adorable in their pink sweaters. I had to laugh at LuAnn asking Kelly where her house was, as if she didn't know. My biggest question was WTF was with the horse in the living room?

The only reason for Bethenny to lean into someone and talk slowly is to tell them, "If you DON'T shut the F up I am going to put this skewer through your eyeball."

Lunch with LuAnn and Bethenny was just about as funny as the show got this week. LuAnn saying, "You're going to lean in and talk very slowly." The only reason for Bethenny to lean into someone and talk slowly is to tell them, "If you DON'T shut the F up, I am going to put this skewer through your eyeball." Bethenny talks about 300 wpm and SLOW is just not in her making. The look on Bethenny's face was priceless - I think the queen of one-liners was at a loss for words.

The Health Expo with Bethenny and Alex was cute in so many ways. I do think Alex is a really nice person and is probably one of those friends that would always be there for you. When Alex told Bethenny that she met Simon looking for a one-night stand, I thought, 'Way to own the booty call Alex!'

I cringed when I saw Jill ringing Alex and Simon's doorbell. Jill is the last person I would want at my house criticizing everything. Jill went on and on and boy she wasn't sugar coating anything, from the location to the original molding (which I liked.) If you had to sum up what she really said, it's "You live in a shit area, don't over spend!" Then she had to top it off with wondering how Silex has sex in that loft bed. Really Jill? I think I would rather eat earthworms or poke my eyeballs out than think of Simon and Alex bumping fuzzies!

Sonja: A Fun Night With a Younger Man Never Hurt Anyone

Sonja thinks she may have found this season's pot stirrer and wonders if Ramona is really happy.

Welcome back to the bitches who brunch!
I’m disappointed to see that the girls are being vile and continuing to attack me and claim that I do not have legitimate business deals going on. Especially to Bethenny, who has not seen us frequently since she had little Bryn. Gawd forbid Bethenny believes this horse sh--. Luann, Kristen, Heather, and Carole all claimed that I am not really a businesswoman, that all of my ideas are not coming to fruition, that I don’t work every day, and that I didn’t make the toaster oven. That should get a few laughs from those who know. But even if I was not successful and were delusional, as the girls say in Bethanny’s kitchen, what kind of friends badmouth another friend like that? Right now I need friends who are going to support me. It also upset me that the other women said that I was drinking too much at Luann’s housewarming party! The women know that I wasn’t drunk that night, and I’m surprised that Heather would try to allege that I went from cider to beer to drunk. I didn’t stay to party with Heather and Luann and try to keep up with them. I left to go to Ramona’s, where I was a guest. I am running my businesses and raising my daughter, and I can’t afford to have that kind of toxicity in my life, especially with investors involved. I hope that with the release of my fashion and jewelry line that the girls will change their tune and accept that I am and have always been an independent businesswoman. Sometimes I think they just want to keep me where I was. That was comfortable for them. You don’t see me running around looking for a new husband to take care of me. I married my ex-husband because I loved him. BTW, the gardener gave me his number to meet him out after, but I was a good girl and went home.

It seems like Heather has decided to become the new meddler in the group. This should prove to be interesting. While I am very grateful that she was willing to help me with my toaster oven shoot and the box mockup, I would appreciate it if she stopped getting involved in my business affairs. We mutually agreed to that after that last experience! Heather then went on to try to tell Bethenny how to handle Ramona when Bethenny has known Ramona for so much longer than Heather! This reminded me of when Heather tried to get in between Luann and Ramona during Season 4. She also got in between Carole’s argument with Aviva. In the preview we see that Heather can’t stop herself from getting into the other girl’s business, and then she tries to tell Bethenny to apologize to Kristen! We have yet to see Heather fight one of my fights! I hope that Heather gets the hint and lays off telling the rest of us what to do.

I thought that the whole brunching situation was ridiculous, even though I adore going to 75 Main and seeing my friend Zach Erdem. I don’t understand why we all couldn’t have just had brunch together. I think if everyone was just a little more relaxed, we would all have a better time, and we wouldn’t fight about these silly things. Life is too short to worry about who’s HOSTING the brunch! As long as we are getting Bloody Marys, everyone should be happy! Heather makes the best Bloody Marys! Why for Gawd's sake are we not following her to brunch?!

I am so glad that the girls and I got to have a fun night out at Beautique like it used to be! There was no drama, no fighting, just girls having a good time and not judging each other. I agree with Bethenny that it was odd that Luann didn’t tell her that Kelly was coming, but I’m glad that they were able to move on and not let one bad moment ruin everyone’s night. Maybe this was Lu trying to patch them up? We have seen Lu and Ramona do a 360. Lu and Bethenny did a 360. Ramona was having a good time and seemed like she was adjusting well to being single! I know that Ramona is going to be OK, especially if she has the support of all of her single, fabulous girlfriends, and there are many. I still find it strange that Ramona got upset with me saying she was divorcing when she says she is single over and over. Could she be pretending to be happy single? Trying to prove something? I still remember that psychic telling her Mario was cheating. It was so upsetting, I started crying for Ramona.

I am so glad that I met Dominik, and I had a lot of fun with him, but I am definitely not looking to be in a relationship with a younger man right now. I had a young boyfriend last year! At this time in my life, I am looking for a man who is more established and can be a long-term partner--and closer to my age. Especially now that I have ducks lined up, and I’m seeing the trees through the forest. I have not been this happy in some time.

But one fun night with a younger man never hurt anyone. Tune in to see if this is a one-nighter or not! The women are saying a lot of nasty things about me, but no one is trying to say that Sonja Morgan doesn’t know how to have a good time! No matter what happens, I am always the straw the stirs the drink. Lu and Heather drag me around like an old suitcase, so you know they are not worried about me at all. They are just too darn encouraging for that to be true. I guess I need to give my girlfriends more attention once I am over the hurdle of my lawsuit, so they feel secure in our friendship. We have seen LuAnn duke it out with Ramona over my time spent between them. Now we see Ramona freaking on Bethenny over her time with me. I guess I’ll just be the fire hydrant!

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