Cast Blog: #RHONY

The Queen of One-Liners

Tamra muses on this week's episode and brainstorms potential book titles!

OK, I'm starting this blog pissed off because I had to watch this episode three times just to find something interesting. I poured myself a glass of wine, then it came to me. This is the damn Bethenny show and she isn't even a housewife. All the housewives in New York and a single broad is running the show? Go figure!

Ramona and Bethenny are walking their dogs down the MIDDLE of the street talking about how HOT Mario is and how NOT the Count is. To our surprise Mario comes cruising by in his Porsche (which reminds me of an old joke on why pricks drive Porsche's.) To everyone's surprise, Ramona throws the bag of dog crap into Mario's car and he wings it back at her. Oh my God, I swear I threw up in my mouth then swallowed. There is something about dog crap in a bag that grosses me out.

All the housewives in New York and a single broad is running the show? Go figure!

I wanted to give LuAnn a big hug tonight. She was so cute walking around the house talking with her mouth full of food about the animals that they killed (run Aston run) and about how much she will miss Victoria. She didn't ONCE refer to her self as the Duchess, the Princess or the Countess...whatever her title is. She seemed really down to earth, I have a feeling she really is a sweet lady.

Silex is back from St Barts. I am a little bummed we didn't get to watch them prance around the beach half naked making googly eyes at each other and shopping for clothes.

I am sure they were so excited to be home and check out the progress, I know I would be. Holy crap, what a mess! I think at that point I would have gotten back in my car and checked into Simon's Hotel. Instead they did what any social climber would do, they went through their invites. By the way, where were the kids while you two were breathing heavy about all the parities you were invited to? I'm sure they were well taken care of, but I just had to ask.

Housewives Gone Wild. Botox Gone Bad. 18 and Knocked Up. Yeah, I don't think a book deal is going to work for me.

I am feeling a little left out! I guess the big money ticket for reality stars (I use the word STAR lightly) is to write a book? Bethenny has Naturally Thin, LuAnn has Class with the Countess and now Simon is writing a book on raising children. So I started thinking...hmmm, what can I come up with? So, I have a few titles I would like to bounce off you. How to Get A B*!@h Drunk. Housewives Gone Wild. Botox Gone Bad. 18 and Knocked Up.

Yeah, I don't think a book deal is going to work for me.

 

Congratulations Kelly, you had 3 minutes of airtime this week. It was nice to see her daughters who were adorable in their pink sweaters. I had to laugh at LuAnn asking Kelly where her house was, as if she didn't know. My biggest question was WTF was with the horse in the living room?

The only reason for Bethenny to lean into someone and talk slowly is to tell them, "If you DON'T shut the F up I am going to put this skewer through your eyeball."

Lunch with LuAnn and Bethenny was just about as funny as the show got this week. LuAnn saying, "You're going to lean in and talk very slowly." The only reason for Bethenny to lean into someone and talk slowly is to tell them, "If you DON'T shut the F up, I am going to put this skewer through your eyeball." Bethenny talks about 300 wpm and SLOW is just not in her making. The look on Bethenny's face was priceless - I think the queen of one-liners was at a loss for words.

The Health Expo with Bethenny and Alex was cute in so many ways. I do think Alex is a really nice person and is probably one of those friends that would always be there for you. When Alex told Bethenny that she met Simon looking for a one-night stand, I thought, 'Way to own the booty call Alex!'

I cringed when I saw Jill ringing Alex and Simon's doorbell. Jill is the last person I would want at my house criticizing everything. Jill went on and on and boy she wasn't sugar coating anything, from the location to the original molding (which I liked.) If you had to sum up what she really said, it's "You live in a shit area, don't over spend!" Then she had to top it off with wondering how Silex has sex in that loft bed. Really Jill? I think I would rather eat earthworms or poke my eyeballs out than think of Simon and Alex bumping fuzzies!

Kristen: To Brunch or Not to Brunch

Kristen wonders what the underlying issue was between Bethenny and Ramona.

I like watching Carole and Heather together. They’re like sisters--easy and relaxed with one another. Carole is too funny with her pillow!

It seems to me that Ramona is really close to Dorinda. I am happy to see that Ramona is confiding in Dorinda. I am also happy to hear Dorinda comment on the whole Mario in-the-press thing. It really is the elephant in all of our rooms. It’s such a shame that he went about things the way that he did. Out of respect for his family, you would think he could be discreet? The good news is that Ramona is a very strong woman, her daughter isn’t a baby anymore, and well…Ramona is surrounded by loving friends. Oh, and she’s “keeping the company of men.” You go, girl!

Sonja arrives in true Sonja fashion: large, loud, and proud. She has food and complains about rooms and traffic. I didn’t realize that Sonja and Dorinda had not met yet. Hello! Bad first impression! Despite it all, I do really love Sonja.

Bethenny is back in the car, this time with an assistant--last week it was a real estate agent. Next week, who will it be? I think the title of her next book should be I live in My Car, or I Wrote this Book in My Car. Or, It’s Easy to Have Relationships in My Car the Minute the Car Door Opens, I just Suck at Them. Or, It’s Easy to Have Relationships with Paid Employees in My Car, just not unpaid regular people or any man outside of my car? Toooo much!

As much as I LOVE a beer, I don’t think I would ever pull one out of my bag!

Kristen Taekman

She is exhausted, I’m exhausted…Andy, let’s drink every time we hear the word CAR. LOL!

Luann’s estate sale. If I had been there, I would’ve cried for sure. Wow, that’s got to be so darn hard! A lifetime collection of your very personal belongings, and there they are, total strangers picking through them like vultures! Lu’s new house is wonderful, by the way. New beginnings!

I actually spent some time with Luann at her new home that summer, so it was not my first time visiting. Her new house is really a dream house. Cute, quaint, on the water, great yard. It really is the new Luann. It’s a fresh start in so many ways. I am very, very happy for Luann and her new beginnings.

It was funny watching Carole meet Adam for the first time. I was outside when this was happening. I think she was smitten immediately. Hilarious how she was faking that she could cook. Hilarious!

When I walk in to meet the girls at Lu’s and get the recap on the day, I am surprised and happy to hear that Ramona apologizes to Luann. It seemed very much like a heartfelt apology. This is the first time we are all together talking about Mario and Ramona. Last summer, there was so much in the tabloids. We are commenting on what we read and saw in the press. Interesting that Heather refers to it as “Mob wife syndrome.” But after 25 years together, it makes sense.

The party. Oh, Sonja... As much as I LOVE a beer, I don’t think I would ever pull one out of my bag! OMG…at least go to the package store, get a six pack, and share! #Hello! This is very strange to me. I thought she was talking about drinking tequila earlier? What’s that saying, again? Beer before liquor never sicker. Liquor before beer never fear?

We are all a bit hesitant to see Sonja. The last time we were with her was the reunion, and you remember how that went down? #delusional 

Bethenny enters. I was in the other room so I didn’t see her walk in. I just remember rounding the corner into the kitchen, and I walked right into her and Dorinda. We said our hellos, she asked about Josh, and then off she went to make a drink.

To brunch or not to brunch. I was in the middle of all this ping-ponging back and forth. I first wonder, do Bethenny and Ramona have some years of old, unfinished business still lingering? Do they hate each other? Is it weird that Bethenny is back? Is Ramona fearful that she is taking her friends away? Hmmm…one wonders. This whole brunch thing was a miscommunication…it always is. Bethenny genuinely had no idea who was staying where. Ramona’s email inviting us to brunch didn’t make it to all of our inboxes, so we had no idea!

I am sure Bethenny was coming from a place of “why would we go to a restaurant when we all have these amazing houses?" And she really wasn’t interested in cooking. Two things you never turn down is when Bethenny Frankel offers to make you a drink or cook something for you--you do NOT say NO. She is amazing at both! I really didn’t care either way. I was ready to hit the road the next day and get back to the city. LOL, enough of the drama I like my #easylikesundaymornings to be just that--EASY! #tobecontinued

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