And the Guests Wore White

Our Associate Editor discusses wedding etiquette, facial expressions, and business.

We've waited so long, but as the first blissful moments of The Real Housewives of New York City Season 4 washed over us, every second of anticipation was worth it. Our New York women had returned to us, and all was right with the world.

So how can one even begin to recap their greatness? I've decided to whittle the hour of zen to the top five moments each week, one for each of NYC's boroughs. It's very symmetrical and it gives us a chance to reflect on the parts of the city the 'Wives often miss.

The Brooklynite Award

We started off with a little rooftop get-together reuniting the ladies. And Alex is feeling a little cagey. Her and Jill have been estranged, and she's not sure how to handle it. How do we know? Because Jill Zarin can read Alex's face like a book.

"But I got a lot of ice from Alex. I mean, she makes this face when she's uncomfortable."

Cut to Alex looking impressively annoyed.

Alex also mentioned her feelings in this bonus video so we can confirm Jill knows what's up. Oh Alex, I have a hard time controlling my facial expressions as well (shameless throw to our video with Curtis Stone), so I commend you that you managed to keep your disdain mostly contained, that is until later in the party. . .

The No Woman is a Staten Island Award

No woman is an island – which is why Ramona needs two assistants. If you were a serial entrepreneur you would too. How do you think Tru Renewal, TrueFaith, and her truest passion Ramona Pinot Grigio come to fruition? But the options for potential ladies for Ramona to chain her island to are very limited. I beseech you to watch as she desperately tries to find the next potential leader of America, and finds that instead she's in "some deep s--t". If nothing else, we learn a lot of great interview tips from the exercise. I know I'll be working on my whole package for my next interview, particularly stocking up on Tru Renewal and thick black or nude tights per her suggestions. Also, I'll be exercising my weakest skill muscle in preparation (it's my arms).

The Cross Examination Bronx Expressway Award

OK, maybe I'm stretching a bit, but the Cross Bronx Expressway is a thing. Has Jill driven on it? Unsure, but she's most definitely cross examined her fair share of people -- in this episode it was new Housewife Cindy(who's downtown vibe seems like a nice addition to the mix). Jill wants to know where those babies came from! Was it a Completely Bare Stork? A rhinestone-bedecked basket left on Ms. Barshop's doorstep? A downtown doc? Kelly goes so far as to refer to Jill's interrogation skills as private investigator quality, which just sends me into delightful visions. If only there was a procedural crime-fighting drama with Jill Zarin tracking down perps. Law and Order: Jill Zarin Unit. Zarin Minds. Jill Zarin Investigators. Her office could be in Zarin's Fabrics and she could meet with those in need of her keen senses amongst the bolts of fabrics. With Ginger as her sidekick (and Bobby occassionally coming in for an assist) no one would suspect a thing. . .

The Queens Countess Etiquette Recommendation

Weddings are rife with etiquette foibles. Which side should I sit on? Do I have to buy something from the registry? Should I object if I once French kissed the groom? But Ramona and Alex's fashion choices proved to be the hot button issue of this nuptials (oh and the fact that Ramona was gossiping right outside of the church, which gold, really) Is it kosher for non-brides to wear white or cream? Jill is decidedly in the no column, but it was the end of summer and outdoors, aren't all bets off at that juncture? Plus, as Ramona so keenly noted in the WWHL after show, it was the second wedding! However, Ramona giving the cake a quick swipe surely raised some red flags in the etiquette book. What would LuAnn say? Money can't buy you patience Ramona, but it can buy you cake. Perhaps next time just purchase a piece of your own.

Manhattan Major Moment

The most blissful moment for me came in the opening credits. A refresh of the ladies taglines served us, dear viewers, with a new smattering of words to live by -- delightful, inspiring phrases that will lift us to a new season of heights. And which words sent us to the most aloft place possible?

I'm living the American dream, one mistake at a time. -- Kelly Killoren Bensimon

In these uncertain times America, aren't we all? Aren't we all?

Until next week, when the 'Wives (other than Alex) travel to Brooklyn for equality (and from the looks of the preview for catfighting).

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