Big, Hot, Expensive
Bravotv.com’s Associate Editor ponders the “Unforgettable” finale, pregnancy scares, and flower markets.
Well friends, we've had a phenomenal season. From caftans and camels, to cocktail dresses and sand angels, we've really seen it all. I can't believe it's already over, but at the same time, when I think back to Ramona being ambushed by Cindy's brother's girlfriend at that church it seems like ages ago. Of course, we do still have the reunion so I guess I shouldn’t get too misty just yet. Plus we've got to get down to brass tacks and discuss Natalie Cole!
The Queens of Pop -- LuAnn and Natalie Cole
We open with darling LuAnn and her producer putting the polish on "Chic C’est La Vie," when surprise the phenomenal Natalie Cole pops in. Natalie is apparently a big "Money Can't Buy You Class" fan and of course never misses an anniversary party. So why not have her hop on the boat and sing with LuAnn? I know some people have feelings about LuAnn’s genuine-ness, but you have to admit she seemed truly giddy when Natalie Cole agreed with her beliefs on class.
Staten Island Delivery Hospital
Meanwhile, at a dinner party Natalie Cole is not performing at, Alex and Simon and Sonja and Brian pop over to the Ramona/Mario abode to learn about Ramona's monthly visitor. Yes, it seems our dear Miss Singer still regularly hosts Aunt Flow. This is the second time this season Avery has revealed a Ramona-truth, so we have to give her major credit. It seems Avery's dog Coco did not do enough to satiate her desire for a sibling, so of course she felt compelled to mention it's not too late for Ramona and Mario to once again reproduce. Ramona quickly changes the topic to tennis and her monogram.
Later we see sweet Ramona trot her jeggings over to Sonja's to mention that Avery's Secreting for a sibling might have worked. Her boobs are hard! That's proof right there. Dogs are surrounding her with concern and sniffs. You know what that means. . . it means she's pregnant. Dogs are never near me, and that's because I'm not pregnant. Can't argue with science folks.A Photo Shoot Grows in Brooklyn
After RSVPing yes to LuAnn’s party, Alex's got to make them dollars. So she's off for another photo shoot. Alex gives some phenomenal face and even better glove.
Do you ever wonder what Tyra thinks of Alex's modeling? I do all the time.
Unfortunately, Simon arrives to shuttle her off to launch (and to announce Alex's power rankings amongst the poorly dressed) before we can watch loads more of her posing. Here's hoping next season features a full-tilt Vogue photoshoot for Ms. McCord.
The New York Botanical Garden (is in the Bronx)
Leave it to RHONY to break new Housewives fighting ground in their finale. I'm fairly certain this is the first time we’ve ever seen the dames duke it out in a florist. It was rather amazing watching Sonja and Cindy fight amongst the petals. God knows, Cindy and Sonja don't have time to argue and get orchids separately so they must multi-task. Watching Cindy kick her leg and wait for Sonja to finish discussing why Cindy shouldn't take a call at the table proved that she barely had time to combine these things, she needs to add another to-do to this to-do.
Watch out, these roses have thorns.
Of course, not even nature's bounty could inspire these gals to understand each other, and Cindy walked out, determined to never eat a toaster oven meal again if it was made by Lady Morgan's hand.
Manhattan by Boat
Finally, it’s time for LuAnn and Jacques' shindig. Kelly arrives spouting that the boat is “big, hot, and expensive.” Jill shows up in a Jordan Catalano-inspired jacket. Simon and Alex exchange on-the-boat tweets. Sonja covertly packed loads of pregnancy tests.
Needle dropping noise
Yes, that's right, what better time to take a pregnancy than on a moving boat, full of your friends. Surely no one will suspect a thing.
As Natalie Cole tuned up her vocal chords, Sonja took Ramona into the bathroom for the big test. Jill, not missing a single beat, sees to women in the bathroom not listening to disco music and is highly suspicious. The "Leopard Bobbsey Twins" are not getting away with anything. After Jill loudly announced the signature Kellyism ("It's weird") outside the bathroom multiple times, she finally moved away from the door. Even Bobby is curious. Of course, Jill figures out that perhaps is a little Rama-regnant. LuAnn makes a Golden Girls joke, and the brunettes question the validity of such a miraculous birth.
Finally Natalie Cole arrives to coo with LuAnn. The ladies belt "L.O.V.E." and the boat seems dazzled. Even Simon admits that LuAnn killed it. The ladies celebrate with champagne and the boat sails off into the moonlight. And all was as peaceful as the water. . .
Just kidding. Watch the reunion on Monday! It's going to be a doozie. Thanks for reading the 'cap folks. Until we're back in the big apple again!