Borough Beat's Associate Editor ponders the cruelty of a mean tweet and DIY plumbing.

Jun 30, 2011

Hello party people, are you exhausted from the Sweet 16s? Too bad, because we're back on the circuit this week. So sit down, and you know the old adage, if you don't have anything nice to say -- mean tweet about it!

Sit and Look Exotic on Staten Island

We open with another partyplanning ses! This time Ramona is having a birthday party for herself – and also Sonja! It's a joint party where the second function is a surprise. Ramona scouts the locale with Alex and Kelly, and Kelly sits in an amazing Austin Powers-esque chair prompting Ramona to say: "I think I'm going to hire you for like in hour just to sit and look exotic in this." I think this is a burgeoning career area for Kelly. She could sit on things and look exotic -- camels, fake horses, weird chairs, giant chairs. She could be a sexy Edith Ann.
Before you can say "Stay seated," the gals are on to the next shindig. This one for Cindy's new va-jewelry and bikini wax line. Unfortunately Simon did not let Cindy shave his chest, but she managed to tag Kelly with a Swarovski crystal on her mole. People were confused by this bedazzled mole, but I see this as yet another trend Kelly could start.

Then Simon approaches Jill and suggests they have a tete-a-tweet. He wants to discuss their issues over Diet Cola. Kelly would like to be invited, but he doesn't drink Coke with people that have weird jeweled moles (JK). And then he tells Jill he'll tweet at her. Jill goes back to say it's a touch strange for them to have lunch and he then tells her "Watch out." This devolves into a fuss between pretty much all of the ladies and Simon with cries of "mean tweeting" at all angles. Simon and Alex leave confirming that they only have at replies for each other, and that the rest of the motley crew isn't worth their 140 characters.

The Bronx Sewage System

Sonja's waiting for her Feng Shui expert, but unfortunately there's another a major flow problem -- the toilet. The plumber is there to asses the situation, but Sonja, the brazen independent lady that she is can handle it on her own. So she reaches into the toilet and pulls out a Blackberry! Yes, a Blackberry. Who's Blackberry is it? Did they know that it was missing? Will it ever send a BBM again? We don't know because Sonja dives right into the meeting with her expert to ensure her apartment's chi is good and her vision of herself "on the subway shaking a can" never comes to fruition. However I beseech you to watch the scene again.

Aside: Sonja's dog is a GUND bear. I just have to say it. She/he is. Look:

Focus on the left of this picture, that is a stuffed animal