Borough Beat's Associate Editor ponders the portrait, parades, thugs in cocktail dresses, and drinking at lunch.

Apr 15, 2011

The Bronx Bomber

Oh, dear sweet Kelly. Your brief appearance at the African Foundation/Gucci fundraiser sent Ramona in a tailspin. As if her table was a warzone, Ramona had to redraft her placecard strategy. I myself have never played Risk, but imagine it to be just like this: the constant rearranging of players, the moving of tiny pieces of paraphernalia, the pre-meditated game plans. Suddenly the entire plan of attack seating was shaken to the core. It's all going to be fine Ramo! She's not staying. She's making a brief buzz-by. The placecards can stay as they are. Once the dust has settled, you can return to your pinot grigio and "Pocahontas." Park the Ramonacoaster and enjoy your evening.

Take the Staten Island Ferry Out of Here

There was a fair share of tiffing this episode (Jill just wants to be left alone Alex! She and Ginger just want to march in peace!). But nothing compared to the Sonja and Alex fight. Sonja set the tone of the issue by "forgetting" Simon's name, and then you could tell by Alex's immediate facial reaction this was not going to go well. You know a fight has gotten serious when it becomes mobile. At one point (about 2:02 into the video) Sonja was just leading Alex through the house like the Pied Piper as the verbal assaults rolled on. This walk could have gone on forever, with them sparring into the street, onto the subway, across the Manhattan bridge and right past Simon into Alex's abode. Sonja accused Alex of having the worst manners. Alex accused Sonja of being a "Thug in a Cocktail Dress," and the world was forever changed. The lexicon now has a new way to refer to Sonja Morgan, or anyone else who is giving you a bit too much muscle while wearing a delightfully prim outfit. Do you remember those Homie figurines? If someone could produce those wearing cocktail dresses we could make a mint. Also how amazing was LuAnn and Cindy's arrival? Perfect timing ladies!

Manhattan Major Moment

What is art? As a former art history minor, I suppose I should know, but I'm one of those let the work speak for you types. Therefore I present to you Brian's portrait of Sonja. Is it the greatest piece of artwork in Housewives' history? You decide. Is it leaps and bounds above the work of Jack Dawson in Titanic? For sure. Sorry Leonardo DiCaprio's art double, you have been trumped. Take your charcoals and meet your watery demise knowing you have been bested by one of Sonja Morgan's conquests. There's no need for Sonja to have her draw her "like one of you French girls." She's got her own artist on retainer.

Next week is all about hair removal and wine, so really just a regular episode. I'll be lunchtime drinking in anticipation.