Borough Beat's Associate Editor plays both the White and Black Swan to this week's episode.

Jul 7, 2011

Hello my sweet girls (and boys),

I hope you're all decked in your black or white swan outfits and ready to perform the burlesque routine you wrote for yourself. Because I’ve brought along a Silence of the Lambs birdcage and Snidely Whiplash as the MC to ensure you have everything you need for your show.

Queens in a burlesque store

Thank baby Jesus, Sonja’s amazing fur hat is back! She wears it to Patricia Fields. I would have preferred she wear the hat for the actual performance, but she goes with something incredibly more exciting. Sonja teaches us a lot about burlesque on this shopping trip. We learn that burlesque is all about self-mockery, that that mannequin is only gardening, and that being 40 is at least better than being 70 or dead. Also Avery is there, to pepper each corset pick up with strong laments of disgust. Also in the store that day: Sonja’s drag twin. They say everyone has a doppelganger in the world, and wouldn’t you know it Lady Morgan’s evil (or good) twin is a drag queen that works in the basement of Patricia Fields. These are things that happen on RHONY that shouldn’t surprise us at all.

Bronxville and a bagel

Did you really think that Jill Zarin was just going to send Ally a care package at college? Or that she’d go visit Ally without bringing Ginger? Of course not. So when Jill arrives at college she grills Ally on all the important matters -- the contents of her quesadillas, the basis of her vegetarianism, Spanish filmmaking, and her desire to be a sex columnist. Yup, little Ally Zarin wants to be the next Kinsey. Jill’s obviously supportive, but perhaps there’s a job as a hand-holding columnist Ally would be more suited for? Could she take a position researching a cure for cooties instead? After lunch Jill attempts to put the kibosh on the sex columnist idea by buying Ally a turtleneck. Mothers are the best.

Also having some quality time are LuAnn and Victoria, as they cruise around a snowy Hamptons parking lot, and Ramona and Avery, who are having a light lunch and school project review session. I love that Ramona has an Avery folder. It’s a little disappointing it’s not a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper, but I’m sure if Avery asked for it Ramona would give her one. While Avery reads from her inspiration paper (Ramona’s 54), Victoria takes a couple of rough turns and nearly buzzes a wooden staircase. It was super precious seeing both sides of the 16 year old coin, the part that loves their mother and the part that desperately cannot drive. Call your mother, folks.