Cast Blog: #RHONY

Cold As Ice

Ramona on Her Divorce From Mario

Carole on Elitists and Bitches

Heather Says That's a Wrap

Sonja: Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously

The Countess: Sonja and I Are on the Outs

Aviva Says Bye for Now

Kristen on Surviving Her First Season

LuAnn: For Ramona Ignorance Is Bliss

Who Cares How Carole Wrote Her Book?

Carole on Stupid Things You've Heard on Bravo

Aviva's "Foul Ignorance"

Kristen: Ramona's Out of Touch with Reality

Sonja Is Very Private

Ramona on the Grueling Reunion

LuAnn: Sonja Is Off the Rails

Heather: Et tu Ramona Singer?

Aviva on Kristen's "Gatemouth" Look

Kristen: Sonja Could Be Successful

Sonja's Glad Aviva Threw Her Leg

Carole: Waiter, We're Done

Ramona: Aviva's Leg Scared All of Us

Heather Focuses on What Matters

LuAnn: Sonja Only Has Herself to Blame

What Else Does Aviva Have in That Bag?

Aviva: Leggy Blonde

God Gave me a Great Ass and His Approval

Sonja on Her Harry Situation with LuAnn

Ramona: Where Did the Time Go With Avery?

Heather Tips to Plan a Party for Carole

Aviva Rises Above the Nonsense

Love Kristen Tender

Sonja and Harry Aren't Good for Each Other

Ramona: Mario's Voice Is So Sexy

Aviva Defends Her Asthma

Heather's Sasha Fierce Moment

Nothing Is Too Romantic for Sonja

LuAnn: I Sing When I Feel Like Singing

Kristen: This Show Has Helped My Marriage

Carole: Oh Beautiful for Spacious Skies. . .

Ramona: Just Don't Ask Me to Go Every Year

Cold As Ice's Associate Editor ponders the cruelty of a mean tweet and DIY plumbing.

Hello party people, are you exhausted from the Sweet 16s? Too bad, because we're back on the circuit this week. So sit down, and you know the old adage, if you don't have anything nice to say -- mean tweet about it!

Sit and Look Exotic on Staten Island

We open with another partyplanning ses! This time Ramona is having a birthday party for herself – and also Sonja! It's a joint party where the second function is a surprise. Ramona scouts the locale with Alex and Kelly, and Kelly sits in an amazing Austin Powers-esque chair prompting Ramona to say: "I think I'm going to hire you for like in hour just to sit and look exotic in this." I think this is a burgeoning career area for Kelly. She could sit on things and look exotic -- camels, fake horses, weird chairs, giant chairs. She could be a sexy Edith Ann. Before you can say "Stay seated," the gals are on to the next shindig. This one for Cindy's new va-jewelry and bikini wax line. Unfortunately Simon did not let Cindy shave his chest, but she managed to tag Kelly with a Swarovski crystal on her mole. People were confused by this bedazzled mole, but I see this as yet another trend Kelly could start.

Then Simon approaches Jill and suggests they have a tete-a-tweet. He wants to discuss their issues over Diet Cola. Kelly would like to be invited, but he doesn't drink Coke with people that have weird jeweled moles (JK). And then he tells Jill he'll tweet at her. Jill goes back to say it's a touch strange for them to have lunch and he then tells her "Watch out." This devolves into a fuss between pretty much all of the ladies and Simon with cries of "mean tweeting" at all angles. Simon and Alex leave confirming that they only have at replies for each other, and that the rest of the motley crew isn't worth their 140 characters.

The Bronx Sewage System

Sonja's waiting for her Feng Shui expert, but unfortunately there's another a major flow problem -- the toilet. The plumber is there to asses the situation, but Sonja, the brazen independent lady that she is can handle it on her own. So she reaches into the toilet and pulls out a Blackberry! Yes, a Blackberry. Who's Blackberry is it? Did they know that it was missing? Will it ever send a BBM again? We don't know because Sonja dives right into the meeting with her expert to ensure her apartment's chi is good and her vision of herself "on the subway shaking a can" never comes to fruition. However I beseech you to watch the scene again.

Aside: Sonja's dog is a GUND bear. I just have to say it. She/he is. Look:


Focus on the left of this picture, that is a stuffed animal

Brooklyn Tweets Hard

Last week I assembled this phenomenal gallery of all of Jill Zarin's many skills. She's a financial expert, a doctor, an investigative reporter -- and now she's adding another profession to the list: painter.

Jill has the LuAnn and Kelly over to do a bit of a touch up and a touchbase on mean tweeting. Yes the ladies are painting (LuAnn is wearing boots and tights to do so, obvs) and gabbing about the internet. Apparently Simon has mean tweeted everyone. Mean tweeting is such a delightful official term. "Mean tweet" Why hasn't this become a portmanteau? Meanweet? Twean? Wait I've answered my own question on that one. Anyway, everyone is aghast at the idea.

However, back in Brooklyn, Simon and Alex are lounging and talking about the mean tweets in question. Alex decides to stand with Simon, which isn't surprising. Alex even says it explicitly -- "There is no Jill and Alex if there is no Jill and Simon." She's more invested in Simon than she is in Jill. This isn't necessarily surprising. She does have a lot more shares of Simon Van Kempen stock. So it seems Simon and Jill need to settle their differences or Alex's is going to short-sell all of the Jill stock she has (I think that's how investments work, but correct me if I'm wrong).

The Queen of the Night -- Sonja

Ramona and Sonja's joint birthday festivus is filled with a lot of greatness. Sonja was really very touched, and the slideshow of Ramona and Sonja in their younger days was a true delight. It's apparent these gals are true pals (rhyme intended!) and I love that they have so much history. Also, Ramona and Jill also have a moment, and Ramo let's Jill that next time she can just give her Skweez notes in advance, which seems like a progressive way to handle those future issues.

However, sweet emotions aside the pinnacle of the party was obviously Ramona's rose ceremony arrival line at the party. As Ramona arranged the line and gently corrected those that were not involved ("You're not part of this I'm sorry."), Jill gave scallops a try. I'm not sure which Bachelorettes ended up giving Sonja a rose, but she felt loved, so that's that.


Sonja I'm giving you this rose

Manhattan and Brooklyn – Closer than you had imagined

And finally the episode comes to perhaps the greatest end that we could ever imagine. Kelly and Alex sit down to have lunch and discuss this whole "mean tweeting" business. Kelly orders a single pancake, and proceeds to "check in" with Alex.

Kelly's concerned (everyone's concerned). She does not like Simon tweets. It's odd. Alex mentions that she's not the one tweeting and Kelly should take it up with Simon, but that's not flying with Kelly Bel. Kelly never mentions Alex's name, while Simon says "Ohh yes Kelly" (Kelly's exact words). Maybe Alex is having a hard time? She's got two kids, she's living in Brooklyn. Kelly's just a nobody down the block. Can Alex stop being red? It's bothering Kelly. Kelly wants you to know that Alex and her pageant dad could get "iced out." And then they get pancakes. Basically just watch this entire thing and decide who's side you are on. I personally can't until I get my single pancake:

Next week we get the glorious behind-the-scenes look at the making of "Chic C'est La Vie," including the hullabaloo about which wives couldn't be bothered to go to Atlantic City with LuAnn. Call me next time Countess. I'm an ace Blackjack player and an excellent lip-syncer.

Carole on Elitists and Bitches

Carole says what she really thinks of Aviva and all of her talk about her book and things being "ghetto."

Dear Fans,

Let me start with something I stole it from Twitter this week. "The most dangerous liars are those who think they are telling the truth."

I'll say it again. The blonde at the end of the right couch, the one who's prone to lobbing limbs and insults, is an Insulting. Bitch. Some of you didn't believe me. Maybe some of you still don't. But after watching the reunion shows I imagine it's harder and harder to cheer for the anti-hero. Just when you think she can't get any faker she does.

The story according to Aviva makes me laugh: We were arguing, she insulted me, I called her a psychopath and that prompted her to affectionately compliment me on my age. Sure. Her disdain for the intelligence of the audience is palpable. It was too stupid for me to even reply. But as I was watching the reunion, and particularly Aviva and the way she treats people, I was reminded of something my Grandma Millie used to say. (I love everything Grandma Millie used to say.) "At 25, you have the face you're born with. At 45 you have the face you deserve."

I'd rather be 50 and me than be 45 and Aviva, any day of the week. She aged worse this season than a president in his first term. Holy short dress, I don't mind at all how I look. Overbite and all. I'll take it.

When I first met Aviva she was lovely. Really lovely. I meant what I said on the couch, I wish we had seen more of that. Her easy laugh and funny neurotic ways. Instead all we saw was a mean and angry woman. All because I asked her if she hired a writer -- a writer she did hire. It makes no sense. Three years ago she told me she'd read my memoir, What Remains. This was a book published in 2006 about my childhood, my family, my career and marriage, and then the death of my husband, Anthony Radziwill. A man I loved more than anyone I had loved before or have loved since. She gushed over my book. She quoted from it. We hugged. She seemed so sincere. Flash forward and she now believes it was written by a ghostwriter. She even knew his name, and it wasn't Truman Capote. It was Bill Whitworth, she told me. She repeated this over and over to anyone who would listen. And it doesn't matter how many times she repeats it -- it will never make it true.

When they stopped listening she started saying in the press and on social media that not only was my book written by someone else but that it was not my place to have written a book about my life, and my marriage. And, as if I didn't remember, she reminded me that I'd written about people who had died. Um, yeah. I know. It was my husband and my family and my closest friend who died. Just. . .wow. But I wasn't important enough to tell my story because my husband's family was famous, or historic or whatever she said. Because they had money and privilege and yachts. Really. Who do I think I am?

I’ll tell you. I’m a girl from upstate New York who grew up in a loving, if sometimes kooky, Italian working class family. I worked for everything I earned, just like my parents did and their parents before them. I have a proud family history of hard work and small but precious rewards that followed. My family won't be in any history books. I didn't grow up privileged. We didn't spend summers in Europe or Christmas in Palm Beach. A day spent at the town pool or playing in the woods behind our house was great. Much like Heather, I was taught strong values and decent manners. I learned to live with integrity and honesty. I'm proud of my upbringing and the woman I became, as was my husband. As is his family to this very day. I've known people who lived in what Aviva would consider the "ghetto" who have more class and decency than she shows.

All this talk about class and ghetto -- you'd think we were living in communist Russia. Here is the thing. This is America. In our country it doesn't matter a lick where you are from, it only matters where you're going. So don’t let anyone tell you that you aren't good enough because you didn’t grow up on Park Avenue or in a family that had some history, or because you enjoy saying mother-f---er now and then. I’ve met people from all walks of life. I spent time in refugee camps in Southeast Asia, and in the projects of Chicago. I've been to State dinners with Presidents. I met the Queen of England on a beach in Anguilla. No one is any more valuable or important than you are. No one is more important than your family and your friends.

Let the elitists go slow into the night.

In spite of the BookGate dust up I had a great time this season. I made wonderful new friends in LuAnn and Kristen and my friendship with Heather is more special and important to me than I could have ever imagined just three years ago. Friends have each other's backs. I love her, madly. And while we didn't always act appropriately, we had a lot of laughs. I hope you did too.

Thank you all for your supportive and funny and brilliant tweets. And while we didn't all agree on everything all of the time I enjoyed your participation in the show. Even the mean tweets about my skinny neck and my overbite were amusing. Like I said, I've stolen some tweets already. You may see others as dialogue in my next book, and yes, you can all say you were my ghostwriters.

As always,

With love, Writer Girl xoxo

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