I Was Meant for the Stage
Our Associate Editor discusses the many talents of the Housewives, from their hair removal wisdom to their acting chops.
Oh my little New Yorkers, so much happened this episode. The 'Wives traveled far and wide – from Governors Island to Russia to collect hats to wear for lunches (just kidding, Sonja!). But we've distilled the flurry of activity down to the five boroughs -– scratch that -– six boroughs, as the ladies ventured to the frozen tundras of Governors Island.
The Queen of All Hats
If you ever needed a reason to love Sonja, this is why:
The woman wears a hat that fierce to yoga and then to a burying-the-hatchet lunch at which there is no real apology, just a delightful, "Let's agree to disagree." Print this photo out, draw a heart around it, and hang it in a place of reverence.
The Brooklyn Follies Follicles
Hair was a reoccurring them in this episode. We ended with Alex's hair-raising 'do (and the ladies rather hilarious assessment of it). We saw it tucked under the aforementioned hat. We saw it covered in champagne at Governors Island (I'll come back to that).
But most of all, we discussed how to get rid of it at Cindy's completely bare spa. The Countess was surprisingly game for the procedure, saying "You must try everything once darling." However Kelly interpreted her reaction as a little less game, with an incredible impression of LuAnn that really thrilled me. Who knew Kel was such a gifted actor? Perhaps she needs a man who can keep up with her thespian ways. Foreshadowing to later parts of this very recap!
The No Woman is an Island When Writing Emails Award
While Kelly is a great actress, she is not skilled in the art of screenwriting. Her struggles to pen the perfect RSVP note to Ramona were immense, thus Cindy's assistance was greatly appreciated. As Cindy remarked, "It's just a Ramona." There is no need to fret.
Well there was, because a pinot-laden ping returned to Kelly. Ramona has withdrawn her support from Kelly forever and ever. Cindy might not be the best writing partner after all. The Affleck and Damon of "I can't make it emails" they are notBonus Borough: Governors Island
As someone who's been to Governors Island, I feel the need to defend it a little bit. It's a zippy ferry ride away, and once you arrive it's like Colonial Williamsburg. There are hoards of strange little buildings, and you can rent bikes (adorable beach cruisers). They also have concerts, which is fun because sometimes you're sitting on a hill listening to She & Him and then you turn around and people are wearing Revolutionary War clothes and shooting guns. Weird and wonderful!
However, if it's cold I'm sure it's the worst. Even the young van Kempens were sporting bike helmets for warmth! Kelly's daughter was leery of the turnout. The pigs in a blanket were developing frost bite, and then champagne flowed freely onto young Johan's head. Birthday joys are in the eye of the beholder though, and Alex seemed to have a lovely time. Excuse my sap for a moment, but she and Simon really do adore each other. Perhaps they were so blinded by love and the bling of the diamond cookies that they didn't see the guests were frozen blue. So what, who cares? It's her birthday, and she'll keep you outside if she wants.
The Bronx is Burning Because Ramona Set It Ablaze
In words of Mrs. Singer herself: "I smoke in your clothes." And smoke she does in David Meister's clothing -- like a Backdraft blaze with squinty eyes. Ramona's return to the runway was much tamer than her strut last season (see the best Housewives catwalk moments), and God bless David Meister for granting us the opportunity to see her take to the catwalk again, but she still needs a bit of coaching on "bedroom eyes." I adored Sonja's comment that Ramona's size made her more of a mascot than a model. Even if there are America's Next Top Model cycles with shorter ladies, the world has not gotten the Tyra Mail that petite models are models too. Instead Ramona will have to work as The Mr. Met of the fashion world, performing for laughs while the other models parade about seriously. One day she will be heralded as the fashion muse she is. I have True Faith it will come to pass.
Manhattan Major Moment
If you had told me before I watched this episode: "Ramona is going to walk the runway again and the ladies are going to a hair removal salon, yet neither of these will be your favorite moment," I would have slapped your face. For shame?! What could be more blissful than seeing Ramona fierce out again? Or better than listening to The Countess discuss Brazilians?
There are so many things. The fact that Cindy rejected this man minutes before. His gentleman wispy bangs. His insistence that the scene had already started when Kelly asked when it would begin. The fact that the in question scene is from the cinematic triumph Due Date. The proposal. I could watch hours, hours, hours of just these two reenacting Robert Downey, Jr. movies. Please tell me they are still in love! They simply must be frolicking into the sunset somewhere quoting Tropic Thunder and The Soloist. I want to believe love exists!
Next week is a Hamptons' extravaganza complete with a cocktail party at LuAnn's, horses, and drama at Cindy's birthday. I'll be riding the Jitney all week in anticipation.