Cast Blog: #RHONY

Shuffle Off to Buffalo

What is weird? Our Associate Editor ponders the proper way to reenter a room and the end of the Moroccan trilogy.

This is it! Soak up those last little bits of the Moroccan sun because our trip is drawing to a close. We'll be riding our camels straight to the airport at the end of this episode, so pack your tangines carefully. We open with the aftermath. Jill is in the process of having the heart attack she mentioned last episode. . .

Number 5: With the Speed of a Shaking Belly

Even though Jill has just mentioned that it will be a "cold day in hell" before she kisses Ramona's behind again, the ladies have dinner plans. LuAnn attempts to come in to talk to Ramona but is immediately banished to pinot grigio duty (get the pinot, bring it to the kitchen, etc.). Then the second guest arrives, Kelly, beginning her surprising reign as the episode's peacemaker. She gently corrects Sonja about her dress (it's Diane von Furstenberg) and asserts that there are no teams. Kelly doesn't see hair color. Problem solved.

So now everyone's fine to go to the most exclusive belly-dancing restaurant in Morocco.

Ramona bounces back quickly to having a good time, but does hit a small snafu. It's impossible to get your money into these women's pants, they're moving too fast! You're telling me. If had a dirham for every time I couldn't put a dirham in someone's pants, well let's just say I'd have a lot of dirhams.

Number 4: But what would happen if Jill Zarin interviewed Barbara Walters?

The next day most of the gals jaunt off with Mustapha the hooded tour guide. I do have to agree with Sonja, the man is working what he's got. His mischievous grin is the perfect match for these ladies and their questions about Morocco's polygamy laws -- as well as Jill Zarin's questions about pretty much everything else.

Here a smattering of my faves:

What is Arabic? What other shape would it be? What is the difference between a gypsy and a nomad? That's pretty big, right?

The theme of this season to me is "Jill Zarin, Renaissance Woman." She's part dentist, part detective, part hard-hitting journalist. Bobby, tell us, is there anything she can't do?

(Also what is the difference between a gypsy and a nomad? I'd love to know).

Number 3: Re-Enter!

As night begins to fall the brunettes gather to have henna tattoos. The scene is rather impressive, with two women there to tat the ladies up, bowls of henna herbs (or what-have you), and of course lovely lanterns. The brunettes begin discussing how there's always a point in one's life where you think about getting a tattoo. But just before The Countess could reveal what sort of lower-back or regrettable sleeve she had considered, a buffalo Alex charged down the stairs.

(Let's stop for a second and consider how Alex could have made that much noise coming down the stairs. Do you think her shoes were coming apart? Was Savion Glover coming down the stairs with her? Did she roll a trash can down the stairs first?)

When she and the entire tap squad arrived she told LuAnn she had something to say later, but when Cindy called her back things got a bit out of hand.

I really feel this might be the greatest scene of all time. From Kelly's Alex impression, to Alex eventually breaking out in hives, lines like "Causing a casino," Jill's strange poodle hair, at one point Ramona and Sonja streaking past the entire fight about them because they are too concerned with caftans. I'm pleading the 5th Ammendment of Recapping because it is too good. I have watched it in upwards of 25 times. Is Santa going to fix Kelly's tattoo!?! Witch!?!

When all was said and done I felt like this:


And will forever feel that way.

Number 2: A Sensible Snack

Once it's finally time to eat there seems to be a bit of a problem. Where was the bell Ramona and Sonja asked for during the first part of the trilogy? Apparently it was never purchased because Alex, Sonja, and Ramona were all a touch late for dinner. Alex managed to sit down, but she wasn't quite welcome for the meal. When LuAnn told her: "If you want to start with me, you finish," I actually died. Being stone-cold ferocious is earned, my friend. Kelly shuttled Alex out, but before she could handle the new seating arrangements Ramona and Sonja arrived.

At this point LuAnn announces: "This is not the Plaza Hotel, this is Morocco," which is fact. Ramona's defense is she didn't ask for her dinner to be sent to her room just a snack. And then what does she do? She produces the snacks from the kitchen and holds them like the Scales of Justice in her hands. I have to say when she tilted those plates every so slightly I did believe they were in fact snacks, and not dinner, and perhaps there was a giant agenda snafu. However, I never saw an itinerary either, so who am I to say?

At Kelly's urging (once again restoring goodwill among women). Ramona and LuAnn gab in the hallway, and Ramona admits she is in fact late for dinner. ("What time is it now? It's 9:30, it's a little late.") LuAnn admits that she just wants Ramona to love her, which Ramona doesn't buy, but moving on.

Once the ladies had slumbered and had some breakfast (timing not mentioned) things improved dramatically. Jill went upstairs to return Ramona's swimsuits bottoms (which just proves how close their friendship is because I don't have any friends I share swimsuit bottoms with) and the pair agreed to get to a good chapter in their friendship book. (Look for the Ramona and Jill: A Friendship on Kindle) They even hug.

I'd also be remiss to not mention that Kelly goes running in Morocco. Was she running in the streets and forcing Moroccan cabs to follow her? We'll never know.

Intermission: Belly Up to Belly Time

I'm not sure there's much I can even say here. Below is an extended glance at the clip, which I highly recommend you watch. Personally I think we should extend it as much as humanly possible. Can we turn it into an exercise tape?

Shake it anyway! Ya habibi!

Number 1: Caftans Calling

The ladies finally receive the much-discussed caftans and I have to admit I got a little bit misty. Maybe it was just the "native" eyeliner I had applied but as the ladies recounted their favorite moments in Morocco and admired Kelly's breasts, I got a little Ramotional. It's been such a wild ride that being back in New York City should be a breeze -- wait, scratch that, it won't. Next week is the big "Herman Munster" brawl with The Countess and Sonja's facing some questions about her fiscal responsibilities. Oh brother! Let's bask in the moment now by leaving your favorite Moroccan moment in the comments! Tell me!

Sonja: Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously

Sonja explains why she and Ramona are family, why she's hiring Aviva, and why LuAnn is still her friend.

At this point, I am numb to the whole BookGate debate. I am not on anyone's side, I just hope that both books are bestsellers and that Carole and Aviva are making enough money to pay the bills with their books because BookGate has definitely taken an emotional toll on their friendship. I know that they were close and had great times together. In fact, Carole was once the godmother to Aviva's daughter. How can this come between them? Such contention over the accusations! I don't know why they let it get so heated. It's not worth it! I just hope that they can forgive each other at some point. As you get to know someone, you get to see their strengths and weaknesses -- and you have to accept those if you're going to be friends.

I was surprised when the girls laughed at me discussing my ability to forgive and voicing my Christianity. I think that it is one of the reasons that I can live my own life and not worry about everyone else's or the grass being greener. It's all relative. We are on Earth for such a short time. I am enjoying every day of my life. I am grateful for the family and friends that I have and my beautiful daughter.

I have so much more than many other people, and I remind myself of that every day with the charity work that I do. That's why I feel so much more comfortable working with artists, animals, the LGBT, and children. It's such a sensitive, caring, and loving place to be. I love my Sonja In The City event planning business because it lets me be me -- an artist and a promoter -- while helping others reach their highest capabilities. Plus I get to do all that while helping me get my daughter through school in a stable environment. It keeps me connected to the movers and shakers who help me manage my investments. I love to produce and to contribute. It makes me feel good.

I believe some of the women fail to take me seriously because I only show them my party side. There is a private side to me that most people don't see, because they only see me out at social events and while I'm entertaining. I throw a lot of events, so a lot of people only see that side, as it's my business and the way I broker some of my deals.

It is amazing how moms like Heather find strength to do dealing with their children's issues, like her son's health and hearing loss. It's what we do with loved ones. We do it with marriage partners too! I surprised myself when my ex had a terrible accident and I was called upon to deal with all of the doctors, therapists, and financial advisors.

I dont feel that Ramona called Aviva vile. She said that she had a vile side. That's different!

I'm not upset that Ramona spoke behind my back about my financial problems. She's human, and I spoke my feelings then and we worked through it the way that family does. We have too much water under the bridge to let opinions or men get in between us.

Heather questioning the legitimacy of my friendship with Ramona is just silly. She knows that we have been friends forever and whatever I have said about Ramona I have told her to her face. Heather knows this very well -- since I'm very upfront about my feelings with her.

The girls saying that Aviva's leg throw was staged is silly. I let Aviva know that everyone was saying she was fake. Even if she plans to throw it on the table to make a point, that doesn't make it staged. It just means she was pushed to a limit. I thought she was hilarious. After all, it was a private party in the back room. We weren't in the actual restaurant. Aviva doesn't go around throwing her leg around in normal restaurant situations. Maybe she and I should take her act on the road! A real dog and pony show! I always said I was a performer, a comedian, and a producer. At my Sonja In The City parties, now we can include Aviva as part of the show!

My overall thoughts of the season was that the reunion had more drama. I felt the season flip-flopped around quite a bit. Harry and I will always have a very strong relationship, just as Ramona and Aviva will always be in my life. Aviva's son Harrison is like my family.

Ramona was definitely going through something this season. I let her know I was upset, but I can't change her and she can't change me. We accept each other the way we are and we work our differences out.

I didn't know LuAnn was going through a breakup. She never shared that with me, and I was getting upset that she wasn't trusting my friendship and was blaming me for everything. I didn't give any credence to any of the rumors that were going around town through the salon that Satoko worked at. Kristen and I just asked the facialist to tell us for fun. I can't stop LuAnn from running out of parties with my guys -- just like I can't stop Harry from taking off and leaving me because he knows I want commitment and he wants to fool around. But that doesn't mean LuAnn's not my friend and that I can't speak my mind in front of her, and it doesn't mean that Harry isn't someone that I love as well.

I hope that you found the season entertaining. I hope that you don't take yourself too seriously! And when the naysayers back you into the corner, just say what Glinda the Good Witch said to the Wicked Witch of the West "Be off with you, your black magic doesn't work here!"

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