Cast Blog: #RHONY

Teachable Moments

Aviva explains her apology to Ramona and Sonja and thinks the ex talk should be put to bed.

"Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." -- Benjamin Franklin.

Sometimes I think that instead of calling our show The Real Housewives of New York City it should be called "Teachable Moments." It has been a learning experience. . .An apology, in my opinion, is putting a relationship and another persons feelings before your own ego. It is about making a wrong right. I take an apology very seriously whether I am giving one or receiving one. An apology propels us forward and enables relationships to evolve, grow, and fosters trust. When I apologize, I mean it through words and by actions. It is not about winning, losing, or keeping score.

Tonight I apologized to Ramona and Sonja for the way I spoke to them in St. Barths. I was wrong to allow my emotions get the best of me. As a result, not only did I hurt people, but my message was lost. I have really learned my lesson and only wish that I had sincerely apologized sooner.

Seeing myself get over-emotional I know that I have to take a break before I speak. I need to give myself time to process what is going on and how to reconcile the given situation at hand before I offer my own contribution. I see in retrospect how my emotion sometimes blurred my perspective and how I shared it. My problem was that I often said what I was thinking instead of thinking about what I was saying.

While we are on "apologies". . .I want to apologize for the constant talk of my "leg" and phobias. It appears that I talk about it all the time and I am truly sorry for boring many viewers with what appeared to be repetition. My goal when mentioning these subjects at all was to help others by raising awareness. For those annoyed by the seemingly redundant speak -- you will no longer hear about it. For those who I have helped, I am just an email/Facebook message/tweet away. Thank you to many viewers who simply gave love.

l would like to mention a point about ex-husbands. For the purposes of this show, I chose to discuss and portray my ex-husband on camera in the most positive light for the sake of our child. It is my prerogative to discuss what I choose about my ex-husband as it is Sonja's to discuss hers. While we handled the subject very differently, I think the better course would be to not discuss other peoples exes/divorces without invitation. The stakes are just too high where children are involved.

In recognizing that I made mistakes this season I turned to inspiration and found this important and beautiful quote from Mary Parker Follett:

"What people often mean by getting rid of conflict is getting rid of diversity, and it is of utmost importance that these should not be considered the same. We may wish to abolish conflict, but we cannot get rid of diversity. . .Fear of difference is fear of life itself."

Love,
Aviva

Dorinda: Sonja Is a Trip

Dorinda talks about meeting the other ladies and explains why she was nervous to meet Bethenny.

OMG, I’m on again! Is this really going to happen every week?! Funny how I’m still freaked out by myself on TV…

As you may or may not know, I am not a Hamptons girl; I am #TeamBerkshires. But hey, this could be fun too, right? As close as Ramona and I are, I have never actually stayed or even seen her home on the beach, so I was excited to go. Meeting Lady Morgan was a nice little adventure, too. She’s so beautiful. And I can totally see why Ramona gets flustered with her and her tendency to monopolize a conversation. But Sonja is a trip. I really like her.

Luann’s estate sale was something, huh? In the Berkshires, we call it a tag sale. Not as fancy, but much more real. After 22 years, it’s got to be hard to see the home where you raised your kids and built a family be taken apart and sold to strangers. But it was time for Luann to move on and write the next fabulous chapter of her life, as well as unburden herself of the past. (I need to start thinking about doing some of that in my life in Great Barrington. As my Mom would say, “Only when you’re good and ready, and not before that.”) I was excited to see Luann’s new house and watch her new beginnings flourish. I’m so proud of her.

So this was the weekend to reconnect with the girls I knew and meet the "new girls” I hadn’t met. Meeting Kristen and Carole was a breeze. They strolled into the estate sale with Heather and were as kind and as a welcoming as I expected them to be. Very, very sweet. I have to admit, I was a little nervous to meet the whole gang (operative word: gang), but I figured my closet helps me keep up with the best of them, and for this weekend, it was all “Hamptons Country Chic.”

At the cocktail party that night, I finally met Bethenny…at last! I was excited and a bit nervous, since she has quite the reputation. And all the good things I’ve heard…they were right! All the girls seemed happy to see her, but there was some sort of weird tension with Ramona that I didn’t really understand. It was almost like a Mexican standoff —a designer standoff, but a stand off. I was surprised to see Ramona “KellyBensimoning” Bethenny. It was weird and pretty tense, to be honest. It appeared to be about some brunch plans on a Sunday, but beneath the surface, it felt more like a timeless power struggle. Not comfortable with all that, and I’d hoped the next day would go smoother after it was all sorted out.

Honestly, I don't care where I go to brunch, as long as there’s food and good company. After that night, I was mostly concerned with getting through the weekend and making friends and/or figuring out who I had to keep my eye on. Ideally, I wanted to have a fun girls' weekend, not have to be the "hostess with the mostest" for once, and just get to relax...NOT!

For me, that weekend was mainly about supporting Ramona and really letting her know that I was there—that we were all there—for her, and that I understand what she is going through. After a long, happy marriage, divorce is a real bitch. Part of you dies. It’s that serious. Especially after 25 years…that’s a quarter-century! As much as I am so sad Richard is no longer here, I know it’s over, it’s ended, it’s done. I have to go on without him. In a weird way, this allows me a freedom to cope with what’s in front of me and continue with a new life. With divorce, you don’t have that “luxury.” (Weird way of putting it, but there’s a peace that comes with a solidified, unchangeable event that has no tomorrow.) Divorce, of course, keeps two people going, rebuilding their lives, and you know all about it. Whether through friends or social media—or even tabloids, in some cases. You know about their next act. It can be really difficult. After a divorce, you have to untangle your life emotionally and financially with expensive lawyers and sometimes in the public eye, though in front of family and close friends can sometimes be more draining than a tabloid can be.

In the end, if there ever really is an end to a divorce, you end up splitting your life up in half… (but it’s really “half of the half,” because the lawyers took most of it), only to run into the bastard in the grocery store with a new woman two weeks later. That’s a pretty crappy situation. You know what they say, "Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together." All true, but boy…the process sure is daunting!

Signing off, see you next week!
xxx

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