Borough Beat

Episode 13:'s Editor does the unthinkable -- she tries to recap all of the 'Wives antics from the first leg of their St. Barth's trip.

on Aug 24, 2012

And then Heather breaks her nose. There is a thing as having too nice of quarters, because Heather just rammed herself right into those expensive glass doors. Those spectacular views will tantalize you right into the glass Heather, just like a sweet, delicate baby bird. Thankfully, LuAnn the nurse was on deck to administer her medical advice -- a favor Heather would repay by directing a hungover LuAnn to protein later in the episode.

Ah Carole is correct, the greatest feature of the villa is a wine vending machine. This magical machine dispenses wine in convenient breast-sized portions, leading us to what I think is the second most startling reveal of this episode -- apparently breasts that are unable to fit in wine glasses are simply too much. I worry that there is a lot of disparity in wine glass sizes, but I do take comfort knowing that pretty much universally by wine-glass standards I still fit Sonja’s definition of a properly sized boob. What about you dear readers? Have you ever shoved your bossoms into a wine glass and found your cup runneth over?

Sonja also teaches us something important about employment. Don’t fire anyone until you know if Sonja wants to f--k him.