Borough Beat

Episode 7: Bravotv.com's Editor relishes in the absurdity of bidet baths and mobile fights.

on Jul 16, 2012

No Woman is a Staten Island. . . Unless She Has a Vibrator
As I said we’re running at Ridiculous Level Orange, so it’s only fitting that Carole attempts to gently chide LuAnn for waking her up so early by threatening that she could have seen her pleasuring herself if she had arrived a little earlier. Yes. I believe that’s why wake up calls have become the more traditional way to wake people up.
Surprisingly that bit of overshare doesn’t silence Lu. Nope it starts an episode long contest between Carole and LuAnn to see who could get that final word in. The Royal War ranged over a breadth of topics -- childbirth, competition, Valium -- and throughout a rousing Heathers-like game of croquet and to dinner. But speaking of croquet . . .

Brooklyn Nets Croquets
Ah croakie. What a sport right? It’s one of the few athletic events that allows you to wear full length gowns and sip champagne without impeding your ability to play in the slightest. Hence why lovely, jovial old-men in green pinstripe suits are perfect shamans of the sport -- this sport doesn’t favor the young.

Of course, this little game turned into a face-off between Lu and Carole, with Carole reigning triumphant in her fur shrug. I was just waiting to see LuAnn’s head in the grass Winona Ryder-style. It was seriously a little tense.

Brief pause: Sonja Morgan wants to tell you how to remove a glove sensually. . . Typical stuff around here.