Cast Blog: #RHONY

A Recap is a Recap is a Recap

Carole admits she's a terrible singer, evaluates the Central Park fight, and ponders running away with Jacques.

Thanks, you guys, for all the comments on my post last week! You're smart, clever, and funny, and I'm going to steal all your lines.

Diane R. stood out with her witty take on a Dorothy Parker quote, referring to that iconic scene at the restaurant in which LuAnn does not drink her coffee: "Money can buy you coffee, but it can't make you drink it!"

Diane, you win a signed book! Do you want one? If you see this, go to my web site and send me your address. Let's do this each week. Okay? Leave a great line, win a prize.

So this episode, Aviva and Heather go on a double date to kick things off. We find out that Heather is Jewish by injection and that Harry did, in fact, inject half of the cast. I don't know if Harry is Jewish. I do know we seem to talk about him a lot.

During "Showdown at Bethesda Fountain" in Central Park -- cue theme to Gunsmoke -- I realized why I feel comfortable around Ramona. She grew up with yellers and screamers and so did I. I didnt even hear my own voice until I was in high school. My favorite moment of this argument, though, is when Ramona, mid-meltdown, pauses to admire her shellacked fingernails. Luann doesn't seem impressed, even that they last three weeks!

Aviva and I met up at a vintage clothing store near my apartment. It's called What Goes Around Comes Around. It's a chic little place where you can get 1920s couture or vintage concert t-shirts, high-end or low. Aviva should really have grabbed that leopard jumpsuit, don't you think? It screamed mommy pickup.

I didn't take the green dress, but I did get the blue cape I tried on. Take note because you'll see it again. It plays a big role in a future scene, and that's all I can say right now. Please let me address the contractually obligated recap of the recap of the previous scene. It looks as if I'm cutting Aviva off as we recap the recap of de Lesseps v. Singer case. I didn't mean to. It's just that in real life, I'm not used to gossip. I've had to practice this, too. I'd rather talk about boys, or, apparently, my breasts! Speaking of. . .what is going on with me? Before I was a Housewife, I was a run-of-the-mill single girl who I'm pretty sure didn't talk about breasts, and now I can't stop. My breasts are stealing all my scenes.

Uptown, Sonja demonstrates an in-depth understanding of the drip pattern. I was impressed and I think Rich from Zeff's was, too -- she'd be great at a crime scene. There was also some pretty hot banter going on here.

Rich: How ya doin'? I'd like to do a small water test, from your upstairs. . .down.

Sonja: Good. I'm just fixin' my skinny jeans.

Dial tone.

So, surprise -- turns out I have a love interest. His name is Russ, and he's so cute, no? He just released a new album and it's great. Musician boyfriends are fun. They write songs about you. Think Mick and Bianca and rented castles and sexy clothes. Okay, well it's not quite like that. At all. At least not so far, but he did write a song about me. It's called "Manhattan" and you can hear it in the show as we're driving around. Russ shot a video for it and I play the girlfriend, naturally. Watch here.

His new album is called "Take Me Home" and you can get it on iTunes, and you should. I love it, especially "Manhattan" and not only because it was written about me. I also love "I Miss Being Lonely" and "So Close to Heaven," even though that song was written about a bunch of other girls on the road. I bought the album too, and I could have gotten it for free.

My favorite scene this week? The de Lesseps clan discussing the "French Problem." First, what did I tell you? LuAnn is my high school French teacher, reincarnate. (See previous post.) Noel is failing French, and possibly math, and he picked a really bad family to fail French in. I'm not worried, though. I think if Noel maintains his new study habits and sticks close to Jacques he'll be fine. Jacques steals the entire show in this scene -- I think he's my favorite Housewife. On French: "It's beautiful but it's useless. Good for the girls, maybe. Do you use your French accent with the girls?" On blaming the French teacher for your grade: What's the accent of the math teacher?

His lines are all sotto voce -- which is an Italian expression, not French, and also not from Google Translate but from my head -- and this makes them even funnier. This is a really nice family moment, but I wouldn't want to fail French with LuAnn.

(Scoop alert: In future episodes Carole leaves Russ for Jacques. They run away to Gstaad and open a French Accents for Dummies school. Jacques does a comprehensive water test while Carole bides her time shellacking her nails.)

Joe, I need a glass of pinot grigio right away. Ramona, I am certain, knows the name of every man in every restaurant that carries pinot grigio. I think Ramona should call everyone Joe, and that this line should be the Housewife mantra for Season 6.

So, what did we learn this episode? Sonja knows drip patterns, Ramona's manicures last three weeks, Heather likes freestyle dinners, Aviva likes neat children and napkins, Jacques is really funny and, lastly, I can't sing.

Remember, to check out my website here and I wouldn’t be a Housewife if I didn't plug my book, here. And tweet me here.

There were six toasts this week, up from last week's count of five. And will someone please count references to Harry? Whoever comes closest to guessing the number of toasts and the number of Harry mentions at the end of the season will win French lessons from Jacques.

Kristen: To Brunch or Not to Brunch

Kristen wonders what the underlying issue was between Bethenny and Ramona.

I like watching Carole and Heather together. They’re like sisters--easy and relaxed with one another. Carole is too funny with her pillow!

It seems to me that Ramona is really close to Dorinda. I am happy to see that Ramona is confiding in Dorinda. I am also happy to hear Dorinda comment on the whole Mario in-the-press thing. It really is the elephant in all of our rooms. It’s such a shame that he went about things the way that he did. Out of respect for his family, you would think he could be discreet? The good news is that Ramona is a very strong woman, her daughter isn’t a baby anymore, and well…Ramona is surrounded by loving friends. Oh, and she’s “keeping the company of men.” You go, girl!

Sonja arrives in true Sonja fashion: large, loud, and proud. She has food and complains about rooms and traffic. I didn’t realize that Sonja and Dorinda had not met yet. Hello! Bad first impression! Despite it all, I do really love Sonja.

Bethenny is back in the car, this time with an assistant--last week it was a real estate agent. Next week, who will it be? I think the title of her next book should be I live in My Car, or I Wrote this Book in My Car. Or, It’s Easy to Have Relationships in My Car the Minute the Car Door Opens, I just Suck at Them. Or, It’s Easy to Have Relationships with Paid Employees in My Car, just not unpaid regular people or any man outside of my car? Toooo much!

As much as I LOVE a beer, I don’t think I would ever pull one out of my bag!

Kristen Taekman

She is exhausted, I’m exhausted…Andy, let’s drink every time we hear the word CAR. LOL!

Luann’s estate sale. If I had been there, I would’ve cried for sure. Wow, that’s got to be so darn hard! A lifetime collection of your very personal belongings, and there they are, total strangers picking through them like vultures! Lu’s new house is wonderful, by the way. New beginnings!

I actually spent some time with Luann at her new home that summer, so it was not my first time visiting. Her new house is really a dream house. Cute, quaint, on the water, great yard. It really is the new Luann. It’s a fresh start in so many ways. I am very, very happy for Luann and her new beginnings.

It was funny watching Carole meet Adam for the first time. I was outside when this was happening. I think she was smitten immediately. Hilarious how she was faking that she could cook. Hilarious!

When I walk in to meet the girls at Lu’s and get the recap on the day, I am surprised and happy to hear that Ramona apologizes to Luann. It seemed very much like a heartfelt apology. This is the first time we are all together talking about Mario and Ramona. Last summer, there was so much in the tabloids. We are commenting on what we read and saw in the press. Interesting that Heather refers to it as “Mob wife syndrome.” But after 25 years together, it makes sense.

The party. Oh, Sonja... As much as I LOVE a beer, I don’t think I would ever pull one out of my bag! OMG…at least go to the package store, get a six pack, and share! #Hello! This is very strange to me. I thought she was talking about drinking tequila earlier? What’s that saying, again? Beer before liquor never sicker. Liquor before beer never fear?

We are all a bit hesitant to see Sonja. The last time we were with her was the reunion, and you remember how that went down? #delusional 

Bethenny enters. I was in the other room so I didn’t see her walk in. I just remember rounding the corner into the kitchen, and I walked right into her and Dorinda. We said our hellos, she asked about Josh, and then off she went to make a drink.

To brunch or not to brunch. I was in the middle of all this ping-ponging back and forth. I first wonder, do Bethenny and Ramona have some years of old, unfinished business still lingering? Do they hate each other? Is it weird that Bethenny is back? Is Ramona fearful that she is taking her friends away? Hmmm…one wonders. This whole brunch thing was a miscommunication…it always is. Bethenny genuinely had no idea who was staying where. Ramona’s email inviting us to brunch didn’t make it to all of our inboxes, so we had no idea!

I am sure Bethenny was coming from a place of “why would we go to a restaurant when we all have these amazing houses?" And she really wasn’t interested in cooking. Two things you never turn down is when Bethenny Frankel offers to make you a drink or cook something for you--you do NOT say NO. She is amazing at both! I really didn’t care either way. I was ready to hit the road the next day and get back to the city. LOL, enough of the drama I like my #easylikesundaymornings to be just that--EASY! #tobecontinued

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