Cast Blog: #RHONY

Eat, Drink, Flirt

Carole explains her quest for the boozy and lousy things in life.

Eat, Drink, Flirt: One Woman's Search for a Good Boozy Brunch

Boozy is one of my all-time favorite words. Bravo stole it from me, look.

"After years of dating and infidelity and boozy shouting matches on the dock, there was nothing left for them to do but get married." -- What Remains (2005)

Lousy is a favorite word, too, as in "the room was lousy with fashion models." And, “There will be love and loss and luck and fate -- the tent is lousy with it.” – What Remains

I like things boozy and lousy.

This week's winner of my best line contest is "LaineyLainey" who won with When Harry Met Everyone. It made me laugh (out loud!) LaineyLainey, please go to my website,, and send me your address.

I don't know how long my contest is going to last. Turns out it's a lot of work to go clear down to the storage room in the basement of my building, dig a book out, sign it, and walk three blocks to Lenny's to get a padded envelope and send it off. I don't have a doorman so Lenny collects my packages and mail at his store. He's 91 and quite a charmer. I love him. You might see him giving me mail and some dating advice in bonus footage sometime soon!

So I thought this episode was maybe a little. . .let's just say, quiet before the storm. Keep a close eye on Sonja. And on her pad. And on all that business advice she took from Ramona and from Heather and then file that away. It may or may not be the innocent beginning of an epic battle. I can or can't say. Another thing I can't say is whether Ramona and LuAnn will get a phone call from Heather about London. Seriously, I can't say!


Rule No. 27: Stop using 27. What's with 27? I have two rules so far and they're both 27. There's a lot of pressure backstage. There are people making me spit out rules right and left and there are obviously not enough numbers. If you have any good suggestions for numbers, let me know. I think my next one will be 5.

Rule No. 5: Don't underestimate the need for a good crumb tray.

The cutest moment this episode was Reid and Hudson shaving.

The funniest line: "I'm freezing my one foot off!"

Best Husband Ever moment was Reid landing on the rooftop like Superman.

And the biggest fright was when Ramona and my sequins collide at Ranjana's jewelry party -- did you see it? For several tense and fraught minutes we are literally joined at the hip.

Ranjana Khan, by the way, is an incredible jewelry designer and one of my closest friends. Face yoga really works and if I weren't so lazy I'd do it every day with her. Now, seeing all these different angles on TV I think I need to start.

My big moment this week was lunch with Ramona and Mario. This was my first time with them alone and I was nervous, which is probably why I ordered beer. As a single girl, I spend a lot of time with couples -- married, dating, dating cool and casually, flagrantly cheating, you name it -- and in two minutes I can tell who's solid and who's not. The Singers are a rock. They're easy to hang out with because they clearly enjoy each other. And even though there are approximately 27 close-up shots of Ramona looking uncomfortable with me smelling her husband and flaunting my Sicilia, she was definitely not uncomfortable. She is cool as a cat. You can believe me, or not, and either way is fine.

Ramona may or may not have called me "Honey," and I did call her "Bunny." How cute are we? I know everyone thinks of her and turtles, but she is nothing like a turtle. Turtles are slow and steady, Ramona is not. I nicknamed her Bunny after the little pink guy in the Energizer commercials, because she never ever stops. Ever. She jumps from one subject to another, it's impossible to keep track. So I don't.

Later that same night I took my friend Duff (who was at the jewelry show) to see Ramona's off-Broadway play -- Miss Abigail's Guide to Dating, Mating and Marriage. It was in the basement of an Italian restaurant that was so off-Broadway it was practically Newark. She's funny, and the play was a scream. She played herself, naturally; giving advice to women who want to snag a man. She told the story of how she got Mario to propose. It had something to do with an exercise outfit, a washing machine, and a weekend away. . .I lost track.

I grew up with a cast of odd characters so I was comfortable with Ramona right off. But will this last? Will Ramona become enraged that I don't talk enough? That Mario talks to me too much? Will she angrily confront me when I don't invite her to Lenny's to check my mail? Will she be furious when I call her Bunny behind her back?

Meanwhile, downtown I learned that Aviva isn't anxious about her hot husband running around sans ring, but she does have anxieties. So much so, in fact, that she has the same standard issue gear in her Upper East Side doorman apartment that I was issued when I covered the Gulf War! I was fortunate to not have to use it then -- the hazmat suit, the gas mask -- but now I know where I'm going next apocalypse. I'm heading straight for the Drescher Bunker, after I stop at Sonja's for mac-and-cheese truffles.

Quick wrap-up: No one called me cool this week (thank god) but Heather did call me Mama-boo. (Cute.) Aviva curtsied twice, but not to me. Sonja has a count in her past and a crumb tray in her future. (I can't stop saying "crumb tray.") And Heather may or may not invite Ramona to London. Also, Mario's scent calms Ramona so I think Luann should have it bottled and spritz when the situation calls.

Thanks for watching!

Follow me on twitter here, and you can get my book, of course, here. Oh, and check out my friend, and face yoga expert, Ranjana’s new web site here!

Note: No one was hurt in the writing of this blog. See you next week!


P.S. . .Sonja, you're right we look weirdly similar. . .There have been rumors of a hospital mix-up. . .Uh, Mom?

Sonja: No Matter What I Do, I Cannot Win

Sonja talks about how hurt she is when she hears her fellow 'Wives talking about her. 

As I said in my last blog, I really felt ganged up on the last time I saw all the girls at the reunion. They seem to be coming up with strange comments out of nowhere, since we were fine when we wrapped last season, and I guested everyone at Jamie’s after the Le Cirque event (leg toss) and at the Sonja in the City Premiere Party when the show finally aired.

They were attacking me left and right about my businesses and the legal crisis I was dealing with that resulted from when I was a movie producer. I had to deal with this all while going through my divorce and no support from my ex.

Lu and Ramona have shut me out since their significant other troubles.

Dorinda says she’s never been to Ramona’s country house. As we saw in the last episode, Ramona has never been to Dorinda’s houses either. So this is a new, fast and furious friendship?! It’s like Ramona would talk to her hairdresser before me. Anyone but me, who really knows her. 

In fact, this is the first time Ramona’s moved me out of the bedroom I always stay in no matter how many guests. I was trying to be understanding, because I know Dorinda is new to the group, but that doesn’t change the fact that Ramona is definitely demonstrative in pushing me away. I don’t care what an ass I’m acting like. Who does that?

I have spent so many celebrations at the country house with Ramona, Mario, and her daughter. So she doesn’t have to feel that she can’t talk to me. Every time I bring up something that I feel is relatable between us, as fancy or flighty as it may sound when I mention these, it IS common ground for us. She just continues to ignore me, so I keep trying even harder to get her attention by bringing up more examples of what I have gone through that is similar to what she is going through. No matter what I try, I am seemingly talking to a wall. Not a good look I might add!

Dorinda brought up the fact that I live in a big house, after I brought up lower maintenance being nice. She moved from a huge apartment with her daughter to a much smaller apartment. That’s when I gave the examples of how I am scaling down. But, I’m not willing to give up my main home and the outdoors that I get with a house, because I already gave up my country house. It seems like my idea to keep my main house is upsetting the girls, and I do not understand why they are so focused. 

What adds to everything else is that Ramona apologizes to Lu for not understanding what she has been through, having not walked in her shoes till now. Yet, she hasn’t discussed this with me. She would always give me very harsh advice, saying how I wouldn’t be divorced if I did all the things she’d done in her marriage and family life. I wish she could have paid the same respect to me.

That’s exactly why I didn’t have her over when I took down my husband’s portrait. I felt Luann understood better, that no matter how well things are going, marriages do fall apart. It’s not the wife’s fault alone. This divorce should be bringing us closer, as it is with her former nemesis Luann, but Ramona just chooses not to let this happen. I don’t want to say, “I told you so.” I just want to maintain our close relationship no matter what happens.

When the psychic in Morocco said Mario was cheating on Ramona, I started crying, because I was afraid when Avery went away to school that it could happen. It does happen!  I care about Ramona very much, and I didn’t want her to go through what I’ve been through. How can she forget how sensitive I have been to her issues? I don’t really feel like she is letting me in when she is so easy to let others in, such as Lu and Dorinda. 

This gets my hair up on my back and causes me to try to get her attention even more. She says to Dorinda I’ve been on the offensive, but I feel like I’ve been playing more of a defensive role. Because of the comments she used to make to Lu and me about why we were divorced when she had the perfect marriage, perfect everything, I am acting this way. Having said that, I do seem very self-absorbed, but I wouldn’t say I’m more self-absorbed than anyone else in our group! I think I really have a thorn in my side at this point.

We see Ramona having déjà vu at the bar at Lu’s, and of course I’m sitting right next to her having mutual admiration in her flashback. That was then! I’m missing that give and take relationship. We used to interrupt each other interrupting like Abbot and Costello. There was no stopping us from getting a word in. Now I just seem to be talking to myself. It just makes me question why she is so unhappy with me.

Then you see me trying to break up the fight between Heather and Aviva in the flashback. I can’t help thinking that if Aviva were still here, then the heat would be on her, instead of me! Is that mean? Or am I just feeling like the whipping boy? LOL!

It makes me feel uncomfortable that the girls are counting my money and accusing me of pretending.

Sonja Morgan

I’m really shocked when Heather tells Carole in the ride out to the Hampton’s, that I am bull sh---ing people that I was a millionaire when I was 25 years old. I have never said anything like that. She already knows that I’ve been working and making my own money since I was 14 years old and invested in my properties with and without my ex. So, again, I feel like these comments are coming out of nowhere and with no basis. She knows how hard I have worked in the garment industry and in fashion retail since we have that in common. She knows nothing was handed to me. We had that mutual respect before. It makes me feel uncomfortable that the girls are counting my money and accusing me of pretending.

At the reunion I threw out a comment about P. Diddy being a friend, because I thought Heather was BSing too much when she was dropping the names of celebrities that she knew through business. However, I’m no stranger to dropping names either, since I make a living off my contacts. It was a heated moment, and I guess she’s having a moment of some type with me now. I was also very upset last year that she said my relationship with Harry wasn’t real. I can tell you it is very real, for both of us. 

I also don’t understand why Luann can talk about the big house in Bridgehampton she had with her husband, and I can’t talk about my yacht. I have fond memories on the yacht with family and friends. I’m not living in the past. I am very much in the moment and planning my future.  

For Ramona to say to Dorinda that I am in denial is very strange. Ramona knows better than anyone that every day I deal with the bottom line, which is frankly about the dollars and cents. I have been extremely active in protecting my assets, and I am fully advised by professionals. Many couples have remarried their divorced spouses once they settle their division of assets because of this very reason. It’s always about the money. That’s why Lu and Ramona are scaling down. No one who knows business wants to give up their real estate. You never make money selling. Only buying more. Real Estate is an investment and used as leverage. 

Ramona tells Bethenny several times that she is single. She has told me this, too, but the second I say that she is divorcing, she gets mad at me. I really can’t win. I can’t say she’s Italian, even though she was married into an Italian family and lived with her mother-in-law for 10 years, because that got her angry, too. It was an innocent mistake, yet Ramona was so sensitive about it.

BTW, when Ramona told Bethenny to breathe, it reminded me of Morocco with Alex McCord. Talk about a déjà vu!

Lu’s son is so wonderful. He’s very polite and kind. He showed me his carriage house,and it really is perfect, and he is so proud of it! I’m happy to have gotten to know him over the years. I have had dinner with Adam Kentworthy and the family when he was dating Lu’s niece Nicole. Now that he’s the chef, he is definitely off limits! Carole is a sucker for attractive men! So I wonder, what will happen there?

We see Lu’s son is drinking out of a mason jar. I love to serve beer in them with lemon and ice like in England, as Dorinda would say. I once again can’t win. I bring my own beer, which is down to earth, and now I am accused of not being Lady Morgan-like. Previously in this episode, I am being accused of not being down to earth. I really feel I’m being picked on and shut out. No matter what I do, I cannot win.

Tune in next week to see how this “docudrama” unfolds. I think you will be very surprised. What a bunch we are!

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