Cast Blog: #RHONY

First Impressions

Ramona on Her Divorce From Mario

Carole on Elitists and Bitches

Heather Says That's a Wrap

Sonja: Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously

The Countess: Sonja and I Are on the Outs

Aviva Says Bye for Now

Kristen on Surviving Her First Season

LuAnn: For Ramona Ignorance Is Bliss

Who Cares How Carole Wrote Her Book?

Carole on Stupid Things You've Heard on Bravo

Aviva's "Foul Ignorance"

Kristen: Ramona's Out of Touch with Reality

Sonja Is Very Private

Ramona on the Grueling Reunion

LuAnn: Sonja Is Off the Rails

Heather: Et tu Ramona Singer?

Aviva on Kristen's "Gatemouth" Look

Kristen: Sonja Could Be Successful

Sonja's Glad Aviva Threw Her Leg

Carole: Waiter, We're Done

Ramona: Aviva's Leg Scared All of Us

Heather Focuses on What Matters

LuAnn: Sonja Only Has Herself to Blame

What Else Does Aviva Have in That Bag?

Aviva: Leggy Blonde

God Gave me a Great Ass and His Approval

Sonja on Her Harry Situation with LuAnn

Ramona: Where Did the Time Go With Avery?

Heather Tips to Plan a Party for Carole

Aviva Rises Above the Nonsense

Love Kristen Tender

Sonja and Harry Aren't Good for Each Other

Ramona: Mario's Voice Is So Sexy

Aviva Defends Her Asthma

Heather's Sasha Fierce Moment

Nothing Is Too Romantic for Sonja

LuAnn: I Sing When I Feel Like Singing

Kristen: This Show Has Helped My Marriage

Carole: Oh Beautiful for Spacious Skies. . .

Ramona: Just Don't Ask Me to Go Every Year

First Impressions

Carole reveals what she thought of each of the ladies when they met at Sonja's party.

OK, here goes -- My first blog post as a Housewife!

Let’s start at Sonja’s gorgeous party with its crinkles and fresh guests. This was where I met everyone, and I was a little freaked out. I forgot that I’m shy. Did you notice? I’m comfortable in most social situations, but meeting Sonja, LuAnn, Heather, and Aviva all at once, so bright and bold, was overwhelming. Also, I didn’t know where to put my coat -- where did everyone put their coats? It wasn’t clear. There was coat pressure.

The dirty martinis came fast. I actually don’t drink much, I had to train for the show. I had to practice doing shots and drinking things dirty and on the rocks. It’s not as easy as it looks.

So, first impressions.

LuAnn’s like my high school French teacher, strict and proper with great cheekbones. I spoke French once, sort of. I dated a French-Canadian and he texted me in French. I used Google Translate to read them and to convert my English replies back, but the process wore me out. We didn’t last.

Sonja is restless and sultry, like Elizabeth Taylor in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. I wonder if she’s ever dated anyone named Brick or Paul Newman.

Ramona’s fun. I can’t look at her without laughing. And the more time I spend with her, the funnier she gets. I nicknamed her “Bunny,” as in Energizer. She never stops moving!Heather has a cool, bouncy charm. She’s like the girls I wanted to be friends with in high school, but was too geeky to approach.

Aviva lights the room like a rainbow (spoiler alert: there’s rainbow talk later on!) She’s tall and stunning and I was drawn to her -- who wouldn’t be? Plus, she read my book! I’m easy. Writers spend a lot of time in cramped spaces, all alone, mostly slowly going mad. Once in a blue moon we stumble onto someone who’s read our work and we love them. It was a gift to hear her thoughts. She also had the best line of that party. You’re cool as a cat.

OK, now a pop quiz. This is important. During that first scene, Aviva and I were having a serious conversation about my book and she brought up a passage about a cross. It was a birthday gift my late husband got for me, a beautiful diamond cross that he bought before he died then gave to a friend to give to me on my birthday, in case he wasn’t there. He wasn’t, and my friend gave me the cross. It is a poignant scene and memory, and Aviva was touched by it. So after she brought up that story, which of the below do you think was my reaction?

A. Outraged, I flipped the table.

B. Crushed, I had a meltdown.

C. Confused, I broke into a rambling monologue in French.

D. Drunk, I swigged some more of Ramona’s pinot grigio.

OR

E. Moved by her reaction, I hugged her.Through the magic of television, it seems I am completely indifferent to what she’s saying and instead momentarily obsessed with my breasts. The first person to tweet what actually happened will win speed-reading lessons from Ramona.

(I LOVE kids!)

Moving on. I didn’t get a pedicure, but was surprised to learn that Eric Clapton has the same bag for his pool cue as Aviva does for her leg. Who would’ve guessed? And Aviva’s ex, Harry, you know the guy with the comb-over? He supposedly slept with half the Housewives. He must have a big, um, wallet.

At Glamour, you got to meet the incomparable Cindi Lieve. Glamour is a fabulous magazine that I am lucky enough to sometimes write for and Cindi is the brainy talent at the helm. I love working with her and the editors there. They’ve given me great assignments over the years. This time it was a cover story on the Kardashian sisters. We went over the details in her office and then I flew to Kourtney's house. Reality meets reality, very meta!

Did you see me shamelessly pitch my book while I was there? Don't knock it. It's not easy to make a living in publishing, you have to hustle.

(I really love kids!)

I missed the Hamptons. I had a deadline and had to work. But if I'd been there I would have topped everyone, I’m sure of it. I would have brought four pies to beat Aviva's three and I would have read faster than Ramona. I would have had scotch, snagged the single guy, and talked twice as much as all of them. I would have held Sienna at the art show and she wouldn't have cried. By the way, watch for upcoming scenes with Sienna and I, we kill it. Did you know I love kids?

Heather had a point when she said she hardly spoke to Ramona and Mario before they told her she talks too much, but that’s Ramona. You cannot take her seriously. And she’s no slouch in the talking department herself.

Ramona toasted to bashert. What is bashert anyway? It sounds like a stain on your blouse. Heather said it’s about fate, that makes sense. I think we all were fated to meet up in this cosmic Haley's-Comet-gone-wrong little world, don’t you?

Since I missed the Hamptons, I asked the girls to lunch to fill me in. LuAnn was so wound up she forgot to drink her coffee! After she left, the three rookies -- me, Heather, Aviva -- vowed to not be mean. Let’s see how that goes.

After watching this first episode, there are five things you should have learned. Luann knows other languages, Aviva has three legs, Heather talks fast, Ramona reads fast, Sonja played pool with Eric Clapton and most important of all...I love kids.

Did I mention I love kids?

Ciao!

(I got that from Google translate. It means “Goodbye.”)

Oh, by the way, I wrote a book called What Remains. You can find it here.

Toast-o-meter: 5

Sonja: Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously

Sonja explains why she and Ramona are family, why she's hiring Aviva, and why LuAnn is still her friend.

At this point, I am numb to the whole BookGate debate. I am not on anyone's side, I just hope that both books are bestsellers and that Carole and Aviva are making enough money to pay the bills with their books because BookGate has definitely taken an emotional toll on their friendship. I know that they were close and had great times together. In fact, Carole was once the godmother to Aviva's daughter. How can this come between them? Such contention over the accusations! I don't know why they let it get so heated. It's not worth it! I just hope that they can forgive each other at some point. As you get to know someone, you get to see their strengths and weaknesses -- and you have to accept those if you're going to be friends.

I was surprised when the girls laughed at me discussing my ability to forgive and voicing my Christianity. I think that it is one of the reasons that I can live my own life and not worry about everyone else's or the grass being greener. It's all relative. We are on Earth for such a short time. I am enjoying every day of my life. I am grateful for the family and friends that I have and my beautiful daughter.

I have so much more than many other people, and I remind myself of that every day with the charity work that I do. That's why I feel so much more comfortable working with artists, animals, the LGBT, and children. It's such a sensitive, caring, and loving place to be. I love my Sonja In The City event planning business because it lets me be me -- an artist and a promoter -- while helping others reach their highest capabilities. Plus I get to do all that while helping me get my daughter through school in a stable environment. It keeps me connected to the movers and shakers who help me manage my investments. I love to produce and to contribute. It makes me feel good.

I believe some of the women fail to take me seriously because I only show them my party side. There is a private side to me that most people don't see, because they only see me out at social events and while I'm entertaining. I throw a lot of events, so a lot of people only see that side, as it's my business and the way I broker some of my deals.

It is amazing how moms like Heather find strength to do dealing with their children's issues, like her son's health and hearing loss. It's what we do with loved ones. We do it with marriage partners too! I surprised myself when my ex had a terrible accident and I was called upon to deal with all of the doctors, therapists, and financial advisors.

I dont feel that Ramona called Aviva vile. She said that she had a vile side. That's different!

I'm not upset that Ramona spoke behind my back about my financial problems. She's human, and I spoke my feelings then and we worked through it the way that family does. We have too much water under the bridge to let opinions or men get in between us.

Heather questioning the legitimacy of my friendship with Ramona is just silly. She knows that we have been friends forever and whatever I have said about Ramona I have told her to her face. Heather knows this very well -- since I'm very upfront about my feelings with her.

The girls saying that Aviva's leg throw was staged is silly. I let Aviva know that everyone was saying she was fake. Even if she plans to throw it on the table to make a point, that doesn't make it staged. It just means she was pushed to a limit. I thought she was hilarious. After all, it was a private party in the back room. We weren't in the actual restaurant. Aviva doesn't go around throwing her leg around in normal restaurant situations. Maybe she and I should take her act on the road! A real dog and pony show! I always said I was a performer, a comedian, and a producer. At my Sonja In The City parties, now we can include Aviva as part of the show!

My overall thoughts of the season was that the reunion had more drama. I felt the season flip-flopped around quite a bit. Harry and I will always have a very strong relationship, just as Ramona and Aviva will always be in my life. Aviva's son Harrison is like my family.

Ramona was definitely going through something this season. I let her know I was upset, but I can't change her and she can't change me. We accept each other the way we are and we work our differences out.

I didn't know LuAnn was going through a breakup. She never shared that with me, and I was getting upset that she wasn't trusting my friendship and was blaming me for everything. I didn't give any credence to any of the rumors that were going around town through the salon that Satoko worked at. Kristen and I just asked the facialist to tell us for fun. I can't stop LuAnn from running out of parties with my guys -- just like I can't stop Harry from taking off and leaving me because he knows I want commitment and he wants to fool around. But that doesn't mean LuAnn's not my friend and that I can't speak my mind in front of her, and it doesn't mean that Harry isn't someone that I love as well.

I hope that you found the season entertaining. I hope that you don't take yourself too seriously! And when the naysayers back you into the corner, just say what Glinda the Good Witch said to the Wicked Witch of the West "Be off with you, your black magic doesn't work here!"

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