I have a pitch for a movie; I'm going to call Woody Allen about it. My working title is Lost in British Translation and it goes something like this:
A middle-aged American woman arrives in London on business. After a very long day's shoot, starving and unable to sleep, she crosses paths with three other American women at a luxury hotel. The chance meeting turns into an unlikely bond as they shop, have high tea, go on television, and attend a dinner turned AA meeting. It culminates in a bizarre all-nighter where the girls get nasty and dirty with some boozin' and eatin' and realize they are in the throes of a sleep deprived mid-life crisis.
This is how Oscars are born.
Monday, the first day of London Trip:
10 am wake up in New York
1 pm buy suitcase, pick up dry-cleaning
2 pm lunch with agent, who would really like to see my finished book (soon, I promise and leave him with the check)
4 pm pack
7 pm cab to airport
10 pm leave on redeye flight, from Kennedy airport to Heathrow
Tuesday, 12 pm, arrive in London
(Up 19 hours)
Tolstoy or Shakespeare, or maybe Clint Eastwood, said there are really only two basic stories to tell: A Man Goes on a Journey and A Stranger Comes to Town. He forgot, though, this third universal one: Four Americans Don't Take Ramona to London and Go As Long As They Can Without Food or Sleep.
It was sunny when we landed, and Mark had gift pouches, and we giggled in the car so that was all great. But the more I didn't sleep, the more things started to bug me.
Carole I love seeing the New York that you know, love your writing and your humor...giving LuAnn a dose of her own one-upping this week was hilarious! You are a refreshing and real addition to RHONY and I totally agree with you that its more comedy than drama.
If LuAnn doesn't thinking writing and publishing a NOVEL is harder than giving birth to a real baby, she's never done it! I'm part of blog called "Book Pregnant" with other traditionally published debut authors, all who have books coming out in 2012 and 2013. Maybe you should show this to her. LOL
Your "too cool for school" demeanor is annoying. you are to old to act like that. didn't you know before joining the show that these women are annoying/petty and make everything a big deal. you seem so surprised and annoyed by every little thing that they do, and your reaction and constant negative remarks to every little thing is just too much.
Carole, My goodness you're easier to take on the written page than on camera. The too-cool-for-school attitude is wearing on us viewers. The convertible, the song, the boyfriend, the interaction with husbands and their wives. Creepy. And, here's a tip, what happens in the beauty salon while on camera does not stay at the beauty salon. You come across insincere as you obvious just wanted to plant a seed for the viewer and you used Aviva at the bait. Grow up!
'Winston Churchill said, "We think too much the good luck of the early bird, and not enough the bad luck of the early worm".'
Oh, WINSTON. Of course. I know the family. ;)
I thought your Woody Allen reference was going to be about Heather's glasses. (I love Heather, and I love kooky glasses.)
PS In a tree. Sort of. Attempts were made.
Favorite Housewife!! Classy, Intelligent, and so witty!! I will read your books and watch your tv shows any time :)
So refreshing, funny and someone actually worth watching. I'm so tempted to tell you to go away, far far away, but then I'd have to stop watching to show...........
I'm so glad you are on the show! Finally someone i can watch who isn't fake. Love your humor!
Carole, with regard to your poll question did you notice that a lot of posters said that the most bizarre place they ever bonked were; Behind a Church, beside a Church, in a church bathroom, on the roof of a Church, on the way to Church? Wow! forget about calling Woody Allen I think your next book should be about "50 ways to Bonk at Church while no one's watching" LOL....of course I'm kidding, but seriously people what's that about?
I'm still iffy on Carole. Loved her right away but she's kinda over killing the "I'm too cool to do anything, participate, and have fun" attitude.. You'd be a lot more fun if you just let loose and have fun instead of kinda making fun of everything.
Geez! Now you're starting to bug me. I'll admit there is some humor in your blogs, but the "bugged" shtick looks like a pathetic attempt to excuse your rudeness.
Love your blogs. You had the best comment this episode, in response to Luann's question "Don't you just love the British accent?" -- I LOL'd at your "Yes, from British people." ... even if it was in a talking head and not to her face. I'm one who bought your book recently. I read it and cried and cried and cried. I don't consider myself a tragedy whore, since it genuinely devastated me when John Kennedy, Jr. died, and I don't revel in that devastation. He was Prince Charming for my generation. It still hurts when I think of it -- which is in no way to say that how someone who knew him feels about it is equal to my pain. But your book brought me back to that night when someone said "pray for John John" and I asked "why?" ... and you were there ... and now you're here. I don't get why, but I so appreciate that you are part of this cast. You're the first REAL person, it seems, to inhabit the RHW world.I think you are probably one of those people that everyone thinks could be their friend -- that if they knew you, they'd be one of your friends. It's a valuable quality. Thanks for the great blogs! Thanks for sharing your sense of humor and truths.
this is the flipping funniest blog! It's just like we were there trudging throught the trip with you- i am exhausted just reading it! You are amazingly patient after all the traveling and sleep and meal deprivation- I would have s n a p p e d ! Congratulations on your show- we will all watch it and wish you well!
Carole--love your blogs- they are hilarious. LuAnn doesn't see how ridiculous she is trying to "one-up" you all the time.
oh, the post-epistolary quality of your writing is refreshment to this addicted RHO... watcher.
First...you are awesome.
Poll question answer...on the outside air conditioning unit behind an Irish/Chinese Bar called Mc Wang's... :)
Did you say you lived in London for 24 months? How sweet. I lived there for 24 years, where I bought a house in Belgravia, darling. I sold it recently to Prince Andrew. Such a charming chap; we're very close. All of this of course was before I had sex on a ping pong table with a Prussian prince in Panarea. I know what your thinking. You're right- it was in the penthouse.
Carole darling, isn't it astounding that after all these years, given how important I am that we've never met?
monicabellucistwinnot Oh Dahhling! You forgot the invitations to walk the Corgis every afternoon with You-Know-Who!! (curtsey)
Darling, I did it on a BILLIARDS table, and thus I am clearly superior.
You didn't have "high tea", you had what is called "afternoon tea". Afternoon tea is a more formal setting where scones with Cornish clotted cream and jam are served. This is followed by small sandwiches and finally dainty cakes and pastries High tea is more of a supper where meat or fish is served. Sorry be to a nudge in correcting you- it's just that I'm sleep deprived and it's been really bugging me.
While you *are* correct, it's a pretty innocent mistake for an American. However, a COUNTESS who is practically from Europea should have noticed this.
I really like you because you are laid back unlike the rest but I do hope you wont be those people who pick on little things like having the floor or last word to speak, it's too petty.
I didnt think luann did on this episode (next one im not sure), she added a convo when you were done. Last week with your pilot Ramona did but failed.
Carole, while I appreciate you a very witty/charming in these blogs...I think you are too cerebral for a trashy reality TV show about Housewives! On paper, you are very engaging...but on TV, you appear aloof and distant. Your writer's wit doesn't translate across on TV, sadly. All the best though xo
I think you are the most boring housewife EVER! You are too "heady" for me. You stood in front of your apartment building, gazing, and boring everyone about your life experience there - oh, yawn. If I were there, I would remind you, "We are supposed to be shopping, not standing around looking at a building you used to live in." Oh, did I mention, you are boring. I fast forward through your dissertations every week. BORING.
Did you read her blog? Cut her some slack for sleep deprivation - a NY times best seller may have a little more interest than you give her credit for
Great blog Carole - it's true that sleep deprivation and hunger can wreak havoc on a persons patience but I have to say even your sarcasm has grace and humor. You hold the title of princess with a lack of pretense which I find refreshing.... u take out the stuffy and add a rock vibe. - Bravo has a new star :-).
I love love love you! I read your book and thought you were an amazing wife. I know it could not have been easy. Your friendship with John and Carolyn was beautiful. To know she was such a good friend to you is comforting. Such a beautiful young woman to have such a kind heart, (to be as beautiful on the inside as she was on the inside) makes me smile. You always hear the bad stuff... You are awesome one the housewives and I wish you the best of luck in all you do!!! Amazing career.... as sad as your marriage was, you have been blessed to have known the people you have known, to be as smart and beautiful as you are. I'm sure you know all of this. I just wanted to acknowledge it. You rock!
I never got into RHONY, I watched all the others but not New York. It used to bore me, Im so glad you are on now. Now I watch and have it on dvr. I like your laid back attitude. You got a cool side to you. Thanks for making it interesting.
You are absolutely my favorite newcomer to the show! You are so smart and funny. I am on my way to buy your book now, and I can't wait to see the new show based on your book when it comes to television. You are fabulous!!
Truly Authentic! A pleasure to read your posts and watch you on TV! Congrats on the TV Series coming, but bigger things are in your horizon! You will fly solo soon.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! I wish I could find people like you in real life to be friends with :) Where's all the funny, smart, down-to-earth girls like you? Oh, and I also love the way you dress. I guess I'm your new super fan... xo
You may have had more fun with Romona that the Countess! Speaking of sleep deprived, I stayed up all night reading a book that reminded me of you. Didn't you mention that your mother had five children in five years! This family had the same. It was called My Mother Killed Christ: But God Loves Me Anyway. Loved it.