On the other hand, while Heather is taking 20 meetings an hour and building her international empire, Sonja, LuAnn and I are literally dying. Not only from no sleep, but also now from starvation. Did you know that your body starts to eat itself when you starve it? It eats your fat first, then your muscle, then whatever else is left. By the time we got to introductions at Heather's dinner half of my internal organs had collapsed. It's why I couldn't stand up. Then someone announced he was Queen and LuAnn knows the Radziwills (of course!) and I'm a Suck-Up People Pleaser who will say whatever you want to hear as long as I don't have to stand and you give me a little food. (Up 27 hours)
In the end, it's Sonja who gives the classy toast. Right before she orders. . .the ribeye. Plot point.
There is a disorder associated with lack of sleep called Fatal Familial Insomnia (FFI). It belongs to a class of diseases that includes --– drum roll, please -- Mad Cow Disease. Yes, Mad Cow, which we all remember started in England and this is another reason I can't stand up at Heather’s dinner, and also why I'm increasingly grouchy -- I ordered the ribeye, too! Sonja and I are having mad cow hallucinations from the beef and lack of sleep. She heard music playing in her egg pod toilet and I couldn't even pee in mine because my endocrine glands were shutting down.
The toilets were a rip off of the Orgasmatron, anyway. I'm telling Woody Allen when I call him about the movie.
After dinner we went to Annabelle's, a private club that we got into because of Sonja and LuAnn's Olympic-caliber name-dropping. We got back at 3 am. And then, like 10 minutes later, I got up. I have now been awake for almost 34 hours.