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White Elephant in the Room
It's still Christmas in August! I hosted my holiday party at Hotel Griffou because it's in my neighborhood and quintessential. Quintessential? Who says quintessential? Note in my notepad: Stop saying quintessential.
Griffou has a long shady history of boozy nights and notorious scamps, from Sinatra and Nicholson to Oscar Wilde. And like all good hangouts, it has a grisly murder in its past. A century ago when it was Madame Griffou's boarding house, a young girl was killed by her much older and married lover there, and then he killed himself. I think they still haunt the place. I think that's why Jacques didn't show. #Superstitious.
An important skill when hosting a dinner, by the way, is the ability to adjust the seating when someone doesn't show. When I thought Jacques was coming, I had him seated on my right and LuAnn on my left, because they're good company and I enjoy them. Although I definitely did not enjoy the whooping and scalping jokes at Le Cirque, I wanted to smooth things out. Jacques didn't show, but he got the wine coaster-cock ring. LuAnn came stag and got George. All's well that ends.
Here's the party, in a nutshell. Please sing these lines to the off-key tune of a popular Christmas song with a partridge.
Five espresso cups,
One cock ring.
Ball gaggy thing,
And a fast and skinny lizard on my arm.
Carole , I love reading your post , your stories and the way you tell them are gripping and entertaining to say the least . I would also like to say thank you for bring class back to the RHWNY You ,Heather and Aviva (without the nuttiness ) made the show worth watching. Please write more I love reading what you have to say.
"RIP Martha you sick bastard." Too funny. You're better reading than anything I've found recently on Amazon for my Kindle!
Please tell us you're kidding that you like Ramona. Guileless? What??! She's a horror show. Just the worst.
I have never laughed out loud at a blog before, but your picture of Martha....or shall we say, Martho?.....had me literally guffawing. I'm in my office at work, taking an illicit break from doing job to sneak a peak at your blog, and now people are staring at me because I am laughing so hard while staring at a computer screen, and how do I explain my laughter is due to a dea cross dressing lizard? I'm totally getting fired. But it would be worth it. You're hysterical.
Hahaha...please don't stop using the word 'quintessential!' I specifically noticed your use of it and thought, "See, I'm NOT the only person who uses that word!" (after taking much flak from my mother over MY use of it). Please don't give my mother further ammunition! :)
Love your writing and your sense of humor. You seem grounded when everyone else is sooo out there. (You'd think kids would help ground people, yet you're the only one without kids, no?) I admire your ability to stay mostly out of the mire, yet let your personality shine through. Love watching because of you. Cheers!
Thank you for being one of the most inspirational examples of class, humor, intelligence, compassion and integrity. It is rare to see people possess one or two of these, but you are the whole package, and so refreshing. Thank You for making TV fun to watch, again.
Bravo on this blog to funny. You need to blog about all the hosuewives show listen up Andy!
you are so right about the word "boozy". It is definitely a fun word. By the way, I read in an interview that your former mother-in-law Lee Radziwill stated that while she hadn't read the book, her friends had, and from what she understood the only thing "shocking" about the book was that it was well-written. LOL. That woman must definitely have a knack for backhanded compliments/insults. When I read that I was really quite impressed with her abilities, she'd definitely Jackie Onassis' sister.
Carole, you are the best of the group.
You call it as it is. You have the greatest sense of humor and I cannot finish this, too much to drink. Your elegant and casual. Please keep trying to help Romona with her social skills. Most success on your book and proposed movie.
Caroline, you are the best and I wish you all the luck with your new endeavor. Your have prodigious writing talent as evidenced by your book too. You are right on the money with everything you are saying. Sonja would score big with a perfume or body lotion or martini mix--toaster ovens remind me of college days in a dormitory. I just don't get it. Nice of you to give a shout out to the great Hotel Griffou as well, love the place. Good luck with everything. Keep your head high as usual during the self-created dramas and fights being stirred up by persons in the cast who seem addicted to doing so. I guess it is how Ramona needs to define herself--liked your kind remark about her lack of guile; I never thought of that before now as I simply resist Ramona but you are right that is a good trait she possesses.
OMG, (I hate acronyms but this one is so fitting); thank you so much for joining the NY Housewives! I was drowning in misery and self-pity and total nut jobs and incoherent ranting and then you came along and brought a ray of sanity and humor to an otherwise 'make me want to drive a sharp stick through my temple' world. These women make me nuts. I love the way your eye brows raise when the craziness intensifies. I love the sly smirks and the laugh out comments during interview sessions. And OMG, LOL; I'm just waiting for my next invitation to play croquet so I can wear a fur trimmed gown. You're the best thing ever to happen to NY.
I love what you bring to this show and more importantly, to the blog! Please, please don't ever change. Really enjoying your writing and humour
I love you! Your humor in your blogs and twitter always have me laughing. We need more people like you in the world!!
The dress looks very "Klute" and you are a woman who can wear that look well.
Please though, I beg, well actually i guess it's too late huh?
But i cant believe you dont give Luann just a little more ribbing about how corny, desperate and "lack of identity" baring the whole countess thing is.
Granted, if Luann were actually out doing real things for others or traveled to "uncomfortable" situations to help those in need then "maybe" using the title, but for her to claim she was
not okay with a driver referring to her by name was just insulting to the people who are paying her now by watching and supporting her on the show,
meaning the "staff" the crew, etc..
It's like I always say to my social climbing mother "old money people do not iron a crease in their jeans Momma, only those who are "trying" to fit into a world where no one has to care about such things".
The fact that this woman is beyond reproach on how pompous and silly it looks to people who are already "there" is amazing, but then maybe she isn't too bright.
It's not like you ever see books in her house, aside from coffee table books.
All style and no substance.
I am a primary caregiver for my dad who has Alzhimer and I try to find things to help me smile. You carole not only make me smile you make laugh out loud every week when I read your blog. Tytytytytyty
I want to lobby for you to get your own show. I just adore you. Bravo was lucky to have someone who is down to earth, confident and intelligent. I must say if you escape these hens unscathed, you should go to work as a diplomat for the UN. Furthermore, your blog is hysterical. Never thought I would be so enthralled by the tale of two lizards.
Love your blog. I bought my grandson a lizard on his birthday last year in June. His mommy was not happy. My grandson, Riley, named him Rocky. She said he is too young to have a pet like that and said he wouldn't take care of him. Rocky soon became a house favorite. Everybody adores him. And he is still alive. All creatures deserve love. I admire you for taking "George" home and trying to give him happiness. Luv ya Carol
First must say....You truly are making this show! I love your kind and mellow personality.
In addition, read "What Remains" - Stunning, touching simply fabulous! A little sidebar...
I grew up in Rockland County and COULD NOT! wait to Move TO NYC :) - The way you describe living there is so right on! LOL and the about of time I spent at Sport-O-Rama - I was a figure skater back in the day, (We are the same age bracket). The book is in my favorite file.
Looking forward to RHONY Monday episode.
(Oh....by the way, can you teach Heather how to tone it down a bit - she is scary!)
Have a great weekend -
Hey Carole - I just want to let you know that I do enjoy the fact that you're on the show..... worried that you're going to catch the crazies, but I'll hope for the best. I love your 'interviews' - you make me laugh. I'm impressed with your ability to remain calm in the midst of lunacy, too! You have a great way of looking at life! If there's a laugh in there, you'll find it. I try to do that, but you're more successful. Poor george and martha - I've had a george for 20 years, went thru a martha. she gave up the ghost after laying 62 eggs over 3 years, and yes, their mating is a violent process. Anyway, stay cool, and watch the comments here -- we'll let you know when it's time to back out. I'd hate for you to catch Ramonanucleosis or Sonjapolar disease!
Pizza is the quintessential food of independent women! What a relief to see someone want to just order a pizza! Your blogs are awesome, kind of in the dumps with my bad case of unemployment....needed a laugh. Even at the expense of George and "Martha". Thank you for giving me the case of the giggles today!!!
Hysterical blog, expecially the tragic love affair/bromance/murder suicide of George and Martha.
Yeah, and there's a lot of fiascos going on all the time too! Every time you turn around a new fiasco! There would be no way for me to keep track of those crazy fiascos either Carole. Or the fiascoettes behind them. I'm a nurse, and we nurses are great at having fiascos all around without even noticing they are happening. Carole, you would make a great nurse.
This was the quintessential blog! Love that word. HA! I will now find a way to use it several times today. I actually found myself watching the show this week wondering to myself, "What is Carole going to blog about this week?" I was observing you to see if I could decipher your thoughts. Your mind is always going even though you act all calm and collected. You are the "quintessential" cool lady! I can't wait for next week!
Ramona gets upset over everything but the one time she has the right to be angry, she brushes it off? What LuAnn did was wrong. If Ramona would have talked poorly about her own wine, that would have made her look like an ignorant business woman. It could have jeopardized her earnings and reputation. You should never mess with someone's career. I think Jacques, the wine expert/distributor, is jealous that Ramona has her own label. Of course LuAnn would do anything to please him and hurt Ramona. The Countess is not to be trusted.
kristaroman I don't think you understand the "wine game." The idea was that a number of wines were tasted -- NOT rated, just tasted and described -- and then when various scents were placed under the tasters nose, he/she was asked if/how the experience of wine changed. It was only because Ramona was so set on comparing everything to her own wine (now available at Target -- gee, I can see why someone like Jacque would be jealous... oh wait, no I can't) and being negative rather than simply descriptive that there was even a potential problem. This wasn't "setting Ramona up" or playing a trick on her.
Watch the scene again. This was not a rating system, an opportunity for anyone to say whether a wine was good or bad, or anything like that. Ramona did start to veer into comparing the "mystery wine" negatively top her own stuff, which was a mistake, but that was not at all part of the set-up.
Jacque seems like a classy guy, and I agree that a start-up like Ramona should be honored to have her brand included with wines from French vineyards at a tasting event.
It's absolute nonsense for Mario and Ramona, and most particularly for an intelligent person like Aviva, to try and portray this scenario as anything other than a very light game that Ramona potentially turned against herself through her egomania, but didn't. No career ruination, nothing sinister. Drop it already.
Egrain I agree with your comment. I bet if Ramoron's wine was not included, she would have pitched a hissy fit for the omission.
Lynda58 Ha! You are so right!
My question is why Aviva chose to insert herself into the situation. She seems too intelligent to have made such a poor move, but I suppose we all make mistakes. Was it a tactical error, or a plot twist? I wonder.
@kristaroman hello? She did talk negative about her wine. #1 she didn't know her own wine which she drinks on every show, so probably every day. Then she said it needed more depth. You think she would mention her wine first, at least in a joking manner, just in case. But she brags like she is a wine expert. So what she knew citrus, floral, and lemon scents. Who wouldn't??
Hi Carole, I agree with almost everyone. You are the best. Your blog is great and I too think Bravo should have you write for all Housewives Shows. Maybe you should have gone to St.Bart's by yourself. We'll see.
Love your blogs! You're hilarious!
BTW, you can say both American Indian and Native American in spite of political correctness intentions. I've checked and both terms are interchangeable depending on the individual.
You are the best. Of all the housewives, you are the only one I'd want to have a glass of wine with, and share a pizza.
Once again the best blog on Bravo! You are a trip I would love to spend a day hanging out with you. I loved your couch before but more so now after devouring your book, cannot wait for the next one. Love the ponytail, the lizard, and just how cool you stay with all the drama. I keep waiting for you to lose it when Ramona goes 50 shades of crazy but you don't.You and the other girls make me glad I decided to watch this season after all. They need to feature more of you guys and phase out Captain Crazy Pants ...aka Ramona. I can't wait to see how this season plays out. Keep these awesome blogs coming!
Carole I admire how you handle yourself. You are so outnumbere, meaning the only one who does not need Xanax or lessons on how to be respectful. I think you make an awesome friend. Congratulations on your book and the television show. Good things do happen to good people!
As always, @CaroleRadziwill, I love your writing! You're insanely funny...& probably a little just plain, ole' insane too...but not a insane as @RamonaSinger! LOL ;-)
Hmmm, I guess my earlier comment (about chilled lizard) did not get approved? Meanwhile, can I just I say that after reading "What Remains" a zillion times (love), I was happy to see the Tiger couch in your apartment.
My main reason for watching the show is to watch your reactions and READ YOUR BLOG which I enjoy immensely. Thank you for joining the show. At the same time, I hope for your sake that you don't hang around for another season. Casting you in this type of genre is like "casting pearls before swine". You would be the 'pearls' in this scenario, of course. ;)
Work on that Pinterest girl! Love your blog. Something tells me this isn't the first time Marion has been told his wife is crazy.
Your blog has convinced me to get your book. You are by far my favorite housewife, please don't catch the crazy.
I really enjoyed the story of the lizards, much more than the story of the girls drama. It grabbed my attention right away, there was a picture so I didn't have to use too much imagination. Much more interesting than talking about how Ramona is...well...crazy....drunk...new...old...running for the hills so Heather cannot get a word in... The crazy goes on and on. I could have done without the dead lizard at the end. Other than that... great story. As far as the girls, I hope something changes I am starting to loose interest in the same conversations with different topics.
Carole - you make me yearn to read blogs........not since the hilarious Jay Mohr's weekly RHNJ blogs have I been so happy to read a blog!!! YES YES YESSSSSSS
I adore your blog! I look forward to reading it every week. You are truly the voice of reason in this mess. You have to be watching this and just shaking your head, right? Sorry to hear about Martha and George....