Cast Blog: #RHONY

Vanity, Pride, and Prejudice

Carole recaps the season so far, address LuAnn's comments, and has some questions for what's yet to come.

Dear Readers,

We’ve come so far, we've seen so much! This week marks the halfway point of the season so let's recap. Since our first episode, "A New New York," we've learned some things.

The ladies toast to everything.
I like to wear capes.
My boyfriend Russ is cool.
My boyfriend Russ writes me songs.
Heather is Jewish by injection.
Sonja likes handymen.
I like my boozy brunch.
Aviva likes things on the ground.
Millsaps can fix anything.
My downstairs neighbor is Tripp.
Tripp knows how I like coffee.
Heather talks a lot.
Ramona talks a lot.
Ramona wasn't invited to London.
LuAnn's mother gave birth to seven kids.
LuAnn gave birth to two kids and a book.
I only gave birth to two books.
I am better than everyone at croquet.
Aviva has the same leg bag as Eric Clapton.
Aviva has three legs, or maybe four.
I learned how to tweet.
I almost married Tom Cruise.
We talk about friends when they're not there.
I invite everyone to the party.
Heather has an assistant.
I am looking for an assistant.
I am looking for between one and three interns.
My sister, Teresa, has morning meals.
Aviva's dad has lots of sex.
Aviva’s mother-in-law does not have sex on Sundays.
Heather Hollas.
Heather doesn't flinch when she's waxed.
Heather wears and sells shapewear.
Ramona drinks and sells Pinot.
Ramona knows a lot about wine.
Ramona knows nothing about real estate.
Mario is bottling his calming scent.
LuAnn is taller than Sonja.
Sonja knows her crumb trays.
Cara Quici's booty pops.
Don't forget the notepads.

Vanity, Pride and Prejudice
Harry is back! Woo-Hoo! And everyone at our Le Cirque table has slept with him, including Jacques and the blonde sommelier.

Dinner was a little. . .awkward. Wasn't it? And I'm not just talking about my hair. Mario and Jacques played "Yes you did, No I didn't" and LuAnn. . .well, LuAnn is not an Aborigine.

 

Sigh. The term "Indian" is a pejorative term, here and in Canada, too. I have Indian friends. Ranjana and Naeem are Indians, they're from India. Luann's just messing with me, right? She has to be. Columbus thought he landed in India and called the people he saw Indians. He didn't and they're not. They're Native Americans. It's not complicated.

It seems to me that LuAnn calls attention to her background not out of pride but out of vanity. Pride is about your opinion of yourself. Vanity is how you would like others to see you. In this case LuAnn wants people to think she is exotic, so she refers to her background without knowing much about it. We have a shameful past with Native Americans in this country -- we nearly annihilated the native population and have a long history of negative stereotypes and discrimination toward them. Call me crazy, but I think jokes about scalping and rape and pillage are inappropriate.

No one uses "darling" anymore but I can because I am an Indian? WHAAAAAT?!?

The Trick of the Ramona Pinot. . .
This sounds like the title of a Nancy Drew mystery. I've decided I want a husband. I want a husband to fight my battles. I'm on Team Mario.

Things got a little uncomfortable at dinner and when that happens, Housewife Rule #28 comes into play: Go to the bathroom. We do it all the time but you usually miss them. You've missed a lot of bathrooms.

Speaking of Bathrooms, Holy Poopy the Pig, it's Harry Dubin! The man of rebounds and bubble baths and, apparently, quite powerful charm. It must be very potent charm because to see him is. . .well. All I'll say about Harry is his son Harrison is one of the sweetest kids I've ever met.

Brokeback Mountain Out of a Molehill. . .I Can't Quit You!
TOW (The Oven War) ignites! And Big Guns is Back! Do you think he has a sexy "J"? Who buys toaster ovens, anyway? I think Big Guns is right. I'd buy one with the naked guy on it and keep it in the box.

What other meeting earlier? Once again, they didn't bring notepads. If everyone would just bring their notepads, no one would be confused. No wonder it was a waste of time.

I like the term Lunch Friend, I want more Lunch Friends and fewer clients. Sonja is not a client, she is a friend. Poor Heather. No good deed goes unpunished and Heather is being punished -- maybe for not inviting Ramona to London.

Two set ups, two photo shoots, but no one on the set? Sonja's not a good negotiator, she's bankrupt. Her lousy ex-husband Mr. Morgan took all the cash and the yacht. Did you see Heather tacitly agree with Big Guns about the closed set? Good luck with that one. Lunch or no lunch, friends like a photoshoot. That's all I'll say about that.

I Need Splenda and Milk
Tripp is the best neighbor. And guess what? I hired an intern! He's the first of my one to three. His name is Eric. I met him on the sidewalk one night -- he recognized me from the show. He is a social media genius and he puts two Splendas in my coffee. Now if anyone wants to contact me they must do it through Eric. I'm like Heather in Episode 2, I'm having my intern book my play dates.

Jingle Bells. . .
This party was nuts. All I have to say is: I Love my dress! Naeem and Ranjana gave it to me for the party and then let me keep it. I’m holding the fifth.

 

What's in store for the rest of our season? I've been watching the Olympics and I learned a new term: Outside Smoke. They use it in swimming to describe a swimmer who leads or wins from an outside lane. I know what's coming up and I promise you there is a lot of Outside Smoke.

I’m also hoping that these important questions get answered:

#10: Did Sonja fix her drip patterns?
#9: Did Noel pass French and Math?
#8: Will Sonja ever produce a toaster oven with a crumb tray?
#7: Will we get to taste a mac and cheese truffle?
#6: When do I get to walk first into the room?
#5: Is "egg drop" a real expression, I couldn't find it anywhere.
#4: What else can you do with a bidet?
#3: Are there any documented cases of women accidentally birthing books and not babies?
#2: Will Aviva find her swimming leg?
And the #1 question inquiring minds want to know:
Will Sonja ever get her sexy J?

Check out face yoga here. As always, you can buy What Remains here. Contact me on my website here. Follow me on Twitter here, Facebook here, Pinterest here.

Dorinda: Let Ramona be Ramona

Dorinda opens up on her relationship with John and tells us what she thought of being in the middle of brunchgate. 

This episode was draining. So much happening, too, it’s exhausting.

I know everyone was thinking it was literally a battle of two brunches. Let me clear with this: It was a classic power struggle with two grown women with big personalities staking their territory. Listen, there was a bit of the tension before everyone met up at Luann’s, and it all came to a head. I personally had no skin in this game, but for some reason, I was clearly positioned as a talking point and negotiating tool. Whatever…it’s all good.

Brunch was awkward, to say the least. I was hoping all the girls would show up, so we would have a chance to really get to know one another before I left for the city, but the fact that they didn't neither ruined nor altered my plans. Thank you, Ramona, for a wonderful weekend, and thank you for the "lunch in my honor” (I think), but I had a life to get back to…

That said, the weekend was great. I got to meet all the girls, spend time with them, and I managed to leave without any battle wounds! Cheers to me! (Just give me some extra Worcestershire sauce right away…)

OK, OK, OK…hold the phone. Literally. My lunch with John at Gina’s is a moment that illustrates something I feel really passionate about. Was I angry? No. Annoyed? You can’t possibly imagine. I am quite relaxed about a lot of things but a total stickler about others. And bad manners is a real trigger.

I am always excited to take some time out and meet John up for a lunch or a drink, if our paths can cross between meetings and errands. It’s true, we don't live together, and we don’t see each other every day, but because of that, I want to make the most of our time together. I love him, and he makes me happy. Many factors in our lives—work, family, friends, friends, exhaustion and, in my case, Hannah—keep our lives pretty damn separate. I don't see him every day, so to steal away an hour or two on a weekday for lunch is both fun and kind of exciting.

Guys, when you’re out with a date, whether it’s a girlfriend of two years or a wife of 20 years, PLEASE be present! This means NO PHONE (I repeat: NOOOOO PHOOOOOOOONE), unless it is an emergency or your deal is going to collapse if you don’t take the bitch’s call, OK? Let’s face it, we aren't doctors working in an ER or in a maternity ward delivery babies. We deserve some quiet and some focused time together. Come on, guys. Be gentlemen. Leave the wheeling and dealing for the cab ride back to the office. If this isn't doable, then lunch isn’t doable. Quick little snippets of small talk between telephone distractions—calls or texts or otherwise—do NOT a happy lunch make. If that’s what’s going down during my lunch, then you’re going down, too. To be honest, I’d rather take an hour to browse Bergdorf’s and get a falafel on the way home. Thank you.

The food was great though (#shrimpsalad). You're welcome.

Bethenny invited me to see the new apartment on Twitter on Tuesday night, and I’m so excited. Looks like a really great pad. B knows what she wants, how she wants it, and when she wants it. I admire that tremendously. I need her to come up to the Berkshires with me and help me shake things up. I think her new SoHo apartment is even nicer than the TriBeCa apartment from the pictures I’ve seen. I’m can’t wait to go visit.

Oh, Ramona… Finding herself, distracting herself, dating to just have fun and get out there. I totally approve and think it’s great for her. She’s a gorgeous woman and needs to be seen and be told that. Often! People need to worry about what’s going on in their own backyard before snooping around Ramona’s front porch. Let Ramona be Ramona, and get on with it. This end-of-an-marriage thing is a process, and even though she has made the decision to move forward with the divorce, it can and may be a long process that will have its ups and downs. Hey, listen up: NYC lawyers are going to be involved, and there is no money in a quick divorce. Buckle your seatbelt, get a lot of rest, because this is just the beginning.

And now…the singles night at Beautique.

The Beautique restaurant is great for business dinners, first dates, and for a chic couple’s night out. It’s definitely a place to see and be seen. The back room, however, the Beautique Club, is a playground for singles and the glamorous singles. I knew John was going that night for a business dinner, but I have to admit, I had no idea he was going to slip through the dark kitchen corridor and down the rabbit hole to the back room club. As I watched, I was not happy about it, and I remembered how annoyed and surprised I felt when Ramona called me and told me. But, I trust John, and I believe it was innocent. After all, we’ve been together for two years, and I know John. John loves people and loves to be out and about. I get it. I just wish he would try to keep it try gender-neutral and not always have a female colleague that I don’t recognize with him. Too much to ask? I think not.

If it feels shady or wrong, and you might give people the opportunity to talk negatively about it, just don't do it. 

Dorinda Medley

My philosophy is simple: If it feels shady or wrong, and you might give people the opportunity to talk negatively about it, just don't do it. Fair, right? I wish he understood this better. In fact, I wish a lot of people understood this better. People love to talk and loooooooooooove to stir the pot. Why give them a pot to stir in the first place? Remember: If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck. I know John is no duck, but not everyone else does.

I will say this, though: The girls came out in full force for me. Especially Lady Morgan. I really, really, REALLY appreciate that. Loyal girlfriends rock! I love my girls.

Anyway, I need a nap, because I’m already anxious about what’s coming up next week.

Have a great weekend! MUAH!

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