Cast Blog: #RHONY

Vanity, Pride, and Prejudice

Carole recaps the season so far, address LuAnn's comments, and has some questions for what's yet to come.

Dear Readers,

We’ve come so far, we've seen so much! This week marks the halfway point of the season so let's recap. Since our first episode, "A New New York," we've learned some things.

The ladies toast to everything.
I like to wear capes.
My boyfriend Russ is cool.
My boyfriend Russ writes me songs.
Heather is Jewish by injection.
Sonja likes handymen.
I like my boozy brunch.
Aviva likes things on the ground.
Millsaps can fix anything.
My downstairs neighbor is Tripp.
Tripp knows how I like coffee.
Heather talks a lot.
Ramona talks a lot.
Ramona wasn't invited to London.
LuAnn's mother gave birth to seven kids.
LuAnn gave birth to two kids and a book.
I only gave birth to two books.
I am better than everyone at croquet.
Aviva has the same leg bag as Eric Clapton.
Aviva has three legs, or maybe four.
I learned how to tweet.
I almost married Tom Cruise.
We talk about friends when they're not there.
I invite everyone to the party.
Heather has an assistant.
I am looking for an assistant.
I am looking for between one and three interns.
My sister, Teresa, has morning meals.
Aviva's dad has lots of sex.
Aviva’s mother-in-law does not have sex on Sundays.
Heather Hollas.
Heather doesn't flinch when she's waxed.
Heather wears and sells shapewear.
Ramona drinks and sells Pinot.
Ramona knows a lot about wine.
Ramona knows nothing about real estate.
Mario is bottling his calming scent.
LuAnn is taller than Sonja.
Sonja knows her crumb trays.
Cara Quici's booty pops.
Don't forget the notepads.

Vanity, Pride and Prejudice
Harry is back! Woo-Hoo! And everyone at our Le Cirque table has slept with him, including Jacques and the blonde sommelier.

Dinner was a little. . .awkward. Wasn't it? And I'm not just talking about my hair. Mario and Jacques played "Yes you did, No I didn't" and LuAnn. . .well, LuAnn is not an Aborigine.

 

Sigh. The term "Indian" is a pejorative term, here and in Canada, too. I have Indian friends. Ranjana and Naeem are Indians, they're from India. Luann's just messing with me, right? She has to be. Columbus thought he landed in India and called the people he saw Indians. He didn't and they're not. They're Native Americans. It's not complicated.

It seems to me that LuAnn calls attention to her background not out of pride but out of vanity. Pride is about your opinion of yourself. Vanity is how you would like others to see you. In this case LuAnn wants people to think she is exotic, so she refers to her background without knowing much about it. We have a shameful past with Native Americans in this country -- we nearly annihilated the native population and have a long history of negative stereotypes and discrimination toward them. Call me crazy, but I think jokes about scalping and rape and pillage are inappropriate.

No one uses "darling" anymore but I can because I am an Indian? WHAAAAAT?!?

The Trick of the Ramona Pinot. . .
This sounds like the title of a Nancy Drew mystery. I've decided I want a husband. I want a husband to fight my battles. I'm on Team Mario.

Things got a little uncomfortable at dinner and when that happens, Housewife Rule #28 comes into play: Go to the bathroom. We do it all the time but you usually miss them. You've missed a lot of bathrooms.

Speaking of Bathrooms, Holy Poopy the Pig, it's Harry Dubin! The man of rebounds and bubble baths and, apparently, quite powerful charm. It must be very potent charm because to see him is. . .well. All I'll say about Harry is his son Harrison is one of the sweetest kids I've ever met.

Brokeback Mountain Out of a Molehill. . .I Can't Quit You!
TOW (The Oven War) ignites! And Big Guns is Back! Do you think he has a sexy "J"? Who buys toaster ovens, anyway? I think Big Guns is right. I'd buy one with the naked guy on it and keep it in the box.

What other meeting earlier? Once again, they didn't bring notepads. If everyone would just bring their notepads, no one would be confused. No wonder it was a waste of time.

I like the term Lunch Friend, I want more Lunch Friends and fewer clients. Sonja is not a client, she is a friend. Poor Heather. No good deed goes unpunished and Heather is being punished -- maybe for not inviting Ramona to London.

Two set ups, two photo shoots, but no one on the set? Sonja's not a good negotiator, she's bankrupt. Her lousy ex-husband Mr. Morgan took all the cash and the yacht. Did you see Heather tacitly agree with Big Guns about the closed set? Good luck with that one. Lunch or no lunch, friends like a photoshoot. That's all I'll say about that.

I Need Splenda and Milk
Tripp is the best neighbor. And guess what? I hired an intern! He's the first of my one to three. His name is Eric. I met him on the sidewalk one night -- he recognized me from the show. He is a social media genius and he puts two Splendas in my coffee. Now if anyone wants to contact me they must do it through Eric. I'm like Heather in Episode 2, I'm having my intern book my play dates.

Jingle Bells. . .
This party was nuts. All I have to say is: I Love my dress! Naeem and Ranjana gave it to me for the party and then let me keep it. I’m holding the fifth.

 

What's in store for the rest of our season? I've been watching the Olympics and I learned a new term: Outside Smoke. They use it in swimming to describe a swimmer who leads or wins from an outside lane. I know what's coming up and I promise you there is a lot of Outside Smoke.

I’m also hoping that these important questions get answered:

#10: Did Sonja fix her drip patterns?
#9: Did Noel pass French and Math?
#8: Will Sonja ever produce a toaster oven with a crumb tray?
#7: Will we get to taste a mac and cheese truffle?
#6: When do I get to walk first into the room?
#5: Is "egg drop" a real expression, I couldn't find it anywhere.
#4: What else can you do with a bidet?
#3: Are there any documented cases of women accidentally birthing books and not babies?
#2: Will Aviva find her swimming leg?
And the #1 question inquiring minds want to know:
Will Sonja ever get her sexy J?

Check out face yoga here. As always, you can buy What Remains here. Contact me on my website here. Follow me on Twitter here, Facebook here, Pinterest here.

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Sonja: Is It Really So Bad to Be Me, Carole?!

Sonja thinks everyone needs to try to be a little more supportive of one another.

Ramona’s birthday lunch was a wonderful event. I’m so glad I was able to help her to feel so comfortable beginning her birthday week. I completely understand her celebrating her birthday for a whole week! She needs all her close friends around her to support her now. I wouldn’t have been so nice to Heather at that event, though, if I had known that she’d been talking badly about my business behind my back. What was with Heather’s BFF Carole knocking my consultations with a psychopharmacologist? Carole isn’t a doctor, and I don’t know why she thinks that she knows what's in the best medical interest for me. I’m currently seeing a neurologist and an endocrinologist in conjunction with the psychopharmacologist--they are all working together to regulate my hormones and my vitamins, and I think that I would know what’s in my best interest. The psychopharamacologist will decide if I need to take any prescriptions, and yes, they do know a lot about vitamins, as they should, and how they interact with medicines. Then I will decide if I want to take a prescription. This is another example of one of the women just being critical and starting rumors. If Carole is really concerned about my health and what my psychopharmacologist does, she should come to me instead of talking about me to everyone in the world in pure speculation.
I’m not surprised, too, that Bethenny was not receptive to me telling her that I am seeing my friend Robin Cofar, who is a Swami Priest and Yogi. In Atlantic City, Bethenny told me that she thought that I needed to see someone and start talking about the things that are going on in my life. Robin and I are doing introspective work, so I thought that Bethenny would want to know that I was taking her advise and trying to slow things down a little bit as she suggested. Instead of being supportive, Bethenny just attacked me! Bethenny has stepped back into this group of girls with a preconceived notion of where I am at. I feel she isn’t taking the time to get to know the real facts in this particular moment. Bethenny wants me to talk to a shrink, because that’s what has worked for her. It’s great that talking to a therapist works for her, but that’s not how I operate. Having said that, my psychopharmacologist has said he may suggest a therapist for me. Bethenny and I are very different people, so we are going to go about getting centered in different ways. I wish that she would respect that I need to follow my own path instead of her trying to force her life experiences onto me. Everyone is an individual and has their own story. The sooner we all realize this, the happier we will be. At least I feel she really cares, and she's damn funny.


I’m not surprised that Bethenny is being harsh with me, because she is very hard on herself. I don’t like when Bethenny says that her talk show and marriage were both failures. I don’t like to look at any life experience as failures. Both the talk show and her marriage brought her to where she is today, and Bethenny needs to focus more on moving forward instead of thinking about her past experiences. I know that I am very grateful for my marriage and for all of the moments I’ve had in my life. Bethenny has a very strict view of success and failure, and that’s why she views my toaster oven venture as a failure. I view it as a growing experience, because I learned so much from producing the toaster oven, and I was able to take the knowledge with me and transpose it into my Sonja Morgan New York fashion line. That's how I finally got here! We can’t forget that we can learn something from each of our life experiences and that we need to focus on moving forward, not backward. Your past can only restrain you if you let it.
I feel bad that Bethenny had such a tumultuous upbringing, but I’m glad that she is trying to reestablish her family roots for her daughter. Being a mother fundamentally changes a person, and I can see that in Bethenny. She is becoming more introspective and trying to figure out how to live her life in a way that is most condusive to being a mother. I completely understand why she said that choosing between her daughter and hanging out with the other women isn’t even a decision. I struggle with the same issue. Ramona and Luann are always saying that I don’t spend enough time with them, but between my businesses and being a mother, sometimes you have to give up a ton of leisure time. There’s nothing more important than being a mom, so the other women should respect that Bryn is Bethenny’s priority. Who needs a ladies luncheon when you can spend quality time with your daughter!
I don’t know why I wasn’t invited to the boxing match! I love boxing (and wrestling), and when you throw in those tasty looking sandwiches and some beers, who couldn’t have a great time! I don’t know why Carole wouldn’t have invited me, because I know that I always invite her to every group event I do. I’ve noticed that Carole has become more dismissive of me, instead of taking the time to really hear what I’m saying. This makes me sad, because I thought that Carole understood that I am always one to support artists, and I would think that she would support me as I have supported her. In fact, she was the first person to say I am an artist and that I should take my caburlesque Off Broadway. I thought she enjoyed my sing song skits that I write. She said I was hilarious.
Speaking of artists, Victoria’s paintings were amazing! She is a lovely girl, and I am so glad that she is so successful! I have been supporting young artists for decades, so maybe I need to include Victoria in one of my young artists’ exhibitions! Looks like I’ve found my next Sonja in the City event!
I don’t know why Carole was so upset when Luann said that her boyfriend is "Sonja young." Is it really so bad to be me Carole?! I also can’t believe Ramona said that my boyfriends are just toys. The men who I date may be young, but they are established independent men who don’t need me to support them. I’m just happy that Carole has a man right now. I’m not trying to poke holes in her relationship like all of the other women are trying to do to mine.
I did love the Christian Louboutins Carole has in her apartment. Those shoes are worth more than $3,000 dollars, so I see why she would want to use them as a centerpiece instead of wearing them. They are art!
You can always count on Ramona to bring a little levity to a situation! That comment about Dorinda being pounded to stay thin was hilarious! Maybe I need to stop working out and just start having more sex! But I don’t know why Ramona tried to belittle Dorinda’s relationship with John. Why can’t these women just be happy for each other?! They all need to take a step back, stop meddling in other people’s lives, and just worry about their own problems while being supportive of their friends. Dorinda is happy. John has been there for her in dark moments.
When you saw me working out, it really is a good representation of my life. I feel like I am always trying to do a million things and that really exemplifies that! That slice of life also really shows that leopard is my neutral! I don’t think I could have put more leopard in that room if I tried. Well until, of course, my Vanessa Noel shoes for my Latino Show magazine cover event arrived! I don’t know how my trainer Toni (Filipone) puts up with me, because I really am always trying to do a million things at once while she is trying to train me. I have eaten a veggie burger, dead headed the window boxes off the gym, taken calls on speaker phone, even organized my dress rack, all while training with her. We all need to remember that life is all about balance! I am the first to admit that I sometimes forget that, but I try to center myself and remind myself of the things that are important. At the end of the day, the most important things are our families, our friends, and our businesses that support us. Let’s all remember that, and we will lead happier and more fulfilled lives! Can’t wait for you all to see my cover next week! I wear my own designs, the team is strong! If I am delusional, why am I wearing the very dress and jewelry I have been designing for years at a Sonja in the City event? At Vanessa Noels Coutuier?

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