Thanks for all your tweets and comments about my blog. Writing it is turning out to be really fun. And thanks for all the calls and questions on Andy's show last night. If you missed it, then you missed me playing ShagShagShag where viewers learned, among other things, that I'm down with the swirl.
OK, so first off let's review the cardinal rules of Real Housewives Fight Club. I can trace almost every fight, on every episode, of every Housewife franchise in every city to a breach of one or both of these:
1. Don't Talk Behind My Back.
2. Invite Me To Your Party.
This week, at lunch, I broke Rule No. 1 before they'd even poured the water. In my defense, I was hungry. They put a teaspoon of pasta in my bowl, did you see that? I'd only had a sugar cookie for breakfast (as opposed to Aviva's hard-boiled egg) and they didn't give us bread. So for the better part of that lunch I was distracted from lack of food. Remember I'm Siciliano, I like to eat!
But I spent every minute I wasn't distracted by food, talking about Heather. Behind her back. OMG. Did you see me? I went all mean girl, and we pinkie-swore in the first episode we weren't going to do that! The only thing crazier than Heather talking is how much we all talked about how much Heather is talking, and trust me, you're only seeing a glimpse of it. We talked behind Heather's back about her talking in front of us so much that a month later we were all still talking about it! For the record, Heather doesn't talk much more than the rest of us, it was just something for us to talk about. . .her talking.