Define White Trash
Episode 15: Bravotv.com's Editor tries to asses all the Tom Cruise, topless, return to sender goodness from the final St. Barth's episode.
Trilogies are tricky things. How do you keep the momentum going for three solid editions? How can each installment be better than the last? Is it humanly possible to have three perfect installments that are all as splendid apart as they are as a whole?
Not the case with the gals’ trip to St. Barths. Every instant of this trip was jam-packed with action, topless ‘Wives, pirate lookalikes, comments on the attitude owning a private island gives you, suckerfish pedicures, and ridiculousness of such high levels that I secretly wished the women would never return home. Could something happen that would force them to stay on this island for a thousand years? Because it’s really a whole lot of fun to watch.
We open with a psychology lesson from Ramona Singer -- men change dynamics. She sees you munching on blueberries Reid Drescher and Russ Irwin. She knows what you’re up to. However there is something Ramona, the armchair psychologist, doesn’t know -- what is white trash?
“Welcome to my trailer, Hello, I can have a good time.”
Ramona also doesn’t exactly “get” this couples’ double date that is going down with Carole and Aviva and their gents. What happened to the girls’ trip? Before Carole can even explain, Aviva arrives, ready to once again discuss Ramonja’s antics. Aviva doesn’t approve of Ramonja’s “partying,” so she gets “Jack Nicholson crazy” on Ramona. Thankfully, Ramona keeps her Tom Cruise on.
I’ll let you extrapolate your own opinions about whether there should have been Aviva banners or less men at the villa and what the definition of “partying” is, but I will alert you to my three favorite moments of this fight. One: Carole tries to diffuse the situation by pulling the old trick of calling someone by their full name. Unfortunately snapping “Ramona Singer” had literally no effect on the situation. Two: Sonja calmly combing her hair during the fight. Three: poor LuAnn and Heather walking into the room not realizing they’ve stumbled into another fight WWIII-level bust-up. Turn back around ladies. Nothing to see here!
A S—t F—king Fest
Onwards and upwards, the gang makes it to Le Tamarind for lunch. Carole tries to diffuse the tension with a little toast, but as quickly as she says “compassion” Sonja is decrying that she’s been going to the restaurant for 18 years, LuAnn is off to meet her friend that owns the restaurant, and Ramona is, unclear. . . getting up to go to the bathroom? No one is seated for more than 10 minutes at this lunch. Why sit? Just get up and amble about until you think someone is done being mad at you.
Heather does her best to summarize: “You can’t dig deep here, you’re going to hit rock.”
Maybe just order the lobster Lu-style and try to enjoy yourself. . .
Of course the subject they move to is plane crashes, which dredges up painful memories for Carole, sending her sniffling from the table. She comes back, briefly, and then she and Aviva take a moment to discuss. While she’s away another drama erupts. Heather finds out about couple’s dinner. While LuAnn, Ramona, and Sonja are taking this in stride (well, stride here is defined by Ramona giving the double bird), Heather thinks this is utter garbage. And guess what happens then: she gets up from the table and storms off. Can no one sit down? Are there not seatbelts for this godforsaken restaurant!?!
Also Ramona has diarrhea everybody.
After Carole and Heather have a calming chat and swim, things are looking up. Sonja is getting her flirt on with the chef, while Aviva stands by awaiting details on this couple’s dinner. The proximity between them was just too great, and thusly another fight breaks out. Sonja, is sandless at this beach and plans to remain that way. She won’t be encumbered by a bunch of people’s husbands. And she won’t stand for Aviva calling her a double-dealer.
Yesh. . .”Return to sender” never sounded so curt.
He Was Assassinated
The next morning Carole tries to use her omnipresence as a means to keeping the peace, and so far so good. The gals even get it together for sunset drinks before Russ’ concert. Of course the car ride there did have the ladies talking a little candidly about each other (I’d love it if someone could leave some clarity on Ramona’s Planet of the Apes comparison, why is Aviva like that? Does she have Charlton Heston-like mannerisms?), but things settled into tense, if civil at the table. Tense if civil works, the gals can do less than 12 hours in that state of affairs.
Unfortunately, things took a bit of decline when Ramonja wanders off the trail and skips the concert to stay home and pack and enjoy each other’s company. Of course, there’s still dinner to be had at the villa, which means yet another opportunity for drama. Aviva’s not buying Ramona’s claims about needing to go to bed. She’s the party queen!
Meanwhile, Sonja attempts to make some sort of hand signals to Ramona behind Aviva’s head. However, her ASL must be rusty, because Ramona doesn’t immediately follow her to their bedroom. Instead, she stays downstairs to say she didn’t get the memo about this trip having anything to do with Russ and that she never gets drunk.
Of course she does eventually get up, forcing Carole to try to get up and rush the gals back down when dinner is actually served. As Sonja blow dries her dress (yes that was happening for some reason, and for a very long time might I add. Did Sonja get into the pool in that dress earlier in that evening), Carole attempts to tell she was upset earlier in the day, but Ramonja will have to deal with this later because they need to pack.
Eventually the gang does all reassemble at the table and somehow manages to come together with a group swim fully clothed -- well except for Sonja. Only minus Ramona, well temporarily.
Seriously though, this trip to St. Barths. Can you believe it? What was your favorite moment? Was it Heather saying she needed to feed Sonja’s private parts because she’s seen it so much? Was it the pirate dancing night? Or are you still in suspense waiting to meet LuAnn’s Italian friends? Leave your favorite moments in the comments please!