Cast Blog: #RHONY

Feeling Sonja Fresh

Episode 1: Bravotv.com's Editor ponders a new "New York," liver transplants, and threatening texts.

Well hello RHONY fans! It's been awhile. I've missed you, and moreover, our gals so much. What mysterious adventures did they get into while we were away? How many pregnancy tests did Ramona take on boats when we at Bravo weren't watching? No matter, I suppose. We're here now, and we'll go with this.

Par usual, I'll divide each episode into my five favorite moments as they relate to the boroughs of our fair city. Follow along on your map or DVR.

No Attractive Women Is A Staten Island
We open at the Central Park Boathouse, a divine place for a drink with a new friend. LuAnn is meeting Aviva. They met years ago, because all attractive people know each other. Seriously, LuAnn remarks that she saw Aviva across the room because "We were looking at each other, as attractive women do." Turns out they have much more in common than just their fair faces and social graces -- they've both been entangled with Harry Dubin and speak fabulous French. Yes, LuAnn and Sonja have also all been involved with Aviva's ex. That's something.

Not only does Aviva find beautiful friends wherever she goes -– she does it with a handicap. At the most illuminating pedicure ever, Aviva pulls out a lovely bag that Eric Clapton used to carry his pool cues in. But instead of gaming accoutrements, the bag is holding Aviva's third legs. Sonja looks more surprised then when they asked her if she wanted a glitter top coat.

Indeed, meet our first Housewife who is down a limb. She lost her leg in a farm accident as a child, and now she has flat and heel prosthetic legs and the strength to live as normal as possible. It's so normal in fact that in mere moments the talk turns to Roberta's psychic powers and what kind of popcorn Sonja, LuAnn, and Harry ate on all their dates. . .Kudos to you Aviva for making it work.

The Major Manhattan Moment
Let's talk about Sonja's party. Have you been to one of those stale brioche parties she speaks of? Gross. People there just sit around with dry bread in their mouths, waiting to leave. But not at a Sonja Morgan affair. At a Sonja party you have properly chopped pillows, vases with water (when Millsaps remembers), and men in leather culottes. It was Sonja Fresh!

Also at this Mentos-fresh affair where our other new power players: Heather (wearing her own Yummy Tummy and a very Asian-inspired red topper) and Carole (in hotpants). Carole is a single best-selling author with Kennedy connections, downtown vibes, and a low threshold for women talking about their kids or forcing her to relive the grief-filled years that inspired her book. Heather is a fashion impresario who speaks limited Italian and whose father just passed away. I find myself heavily enamored of both.

But all those new faces weren't enough to sweep old feuds under the rug. LuAnn approaches Ramona to discuss their parenting tiff, and it doesn't go well at all. . .

Nothing was more blissful though than Aviva's reaction to Ramona's heart palpitations. Get used to -- being Ramotional has physical effects. In the end, Ramona ponders giving The Countess her blood, while LuAnn ponders Ramona's reaction to conversation ("She feigns illness and runs away"). I seems Ramona has become the fainting goat of confrontation.

The Queens of the Learning Annex
Ladies and gentleman, meet what I would bet solid money on will be a reoccurring theme of the season -- Heather and Ramona locked in a state of tension. It begins when Ramona comes to visit Heather at her office. They're both chatty business ladies, how could this go wrong, you say? Unclear. Perhaps it was when Ramona whipped out her Learning Annex cover story? Or maybe it was their differences about office hours? Or the bummer turn their meeting took once they started discussing liver problems and stillborn children?

As oddball as that was, the gals try again over drinks, this time with Sonja. However, once again, the bicycle never hits a great stride. Heather drops her father's death into the convo  (You can't really blame her for it being awkward, what's the easiest way to mention your died just died? I can never remeber if it comes before or after the cheese course.). The LuAnn topic is broached and shot down. Someone’s blind friend comes up. Yipes. Strike two for that evening.

And then attempt (and biffed effort) three comes along. Ramona's having a dinner party. She's invited a possible gent for Sonja. (How delightfully Sonja was her reaction to the set up? "After a glass of wine he's going to look even better," she says. "After another glass of wine he's going to look amazing."

Aviva and Heather arrive, shots are poured. The conversation flows -– until it doesn't. Ramona thinks Heather is interrupting Mario and talking too fast. They make a pact to slow down, but with the seating chart not in Heather's favor dinner gets even more awkward. And then Sonja has a hard time remember to call her ex her "ex." Thankfully Yiddish is discussed the mood lifts. Learning new languages is really a theme of this episode.

Brooklyn Goes Hard – at opening wine bottles
What Ramona has found to drink, let know very complicated wine opener or hired help put asunder. I can't blame our gal. Those things are uber complicated.

Rumble in the Bronx
Meanwhile in a garage in the Hamptons, Victoria is showcasing some of her delightful artwork. Sure it's a little dark, but not everything is "rainbows and bunny rabbits" as Aviva remarked. And indeed, it's not. LuAnn is sad Sonja is so Team Ramona that she's skipping Victoria's art show. Why can't everyone just love art and get along?

And then over lunch things get even less bunny rabbit: LuAnn blows in, orders a decaf cappuccino (really) and mentions that Ramona has sent her a threatening text. Ramona mentions via text that she wants to go there with the kids, but then texts again that she doesn't want to go there. But as quickly as she recounts the tale of woe LuAnn is gone, darting across the street and leaving the newest 'Wives to recap for Heather and ponder exactly what they've gotten into with these gals.

Whew. What a gigantic first episode. And we have so much to look forward to: topless swimming, doomsday plans, strip clubs. What are you looking forward to most friends? What was your favorite moment of this episode? Leave your picks in the comments and try your best to hang on until next week.

Sonja: A Fun Night With a Younger Man Never Hurt Anyone

Sonja thinks she may have found this season's pot stirrer and wonders if Ramona is really happy.

Welcome back to the bitches who brunch!
I’m disappointed to see that the girls are being vile and continuing to attack me and claim that I do not have legitimate business deals going on. Especially to Bethenny, who has not seen us frequently since she had little Bryn. Gawd forbid Bethenny believes this horse sh--. Luann, Kristen, Heather, and Carole all claimed that I am not really a businesswoman, that all of my ideas are not coming to fruition, that I don’t work every day, and that I didn’t make the toaster oven. That should get a few laughs from those who know. But even if I was not successful and were delusional, as the girls say in Bethanny’s kitchen, what kind of friends badmouth another friend like that? Right now I need friends who are going to support me. It also upset me that the other women said that I was drinking too much at Luann’s housewarming party! The women know that I wasn’t drunk that night, and I’m surprised that Heather would try to allege that I went from cider to beer to drunk. I didn’t stay to party with Heather and Luann and try to keep up with them. I left to go to Ramona’s, where I was a guest. I am running my businesses and raising my daughter, and I can’t afford to have that kind of toxicity in my life, especially with investors involved. I hope that with the release of my fashion and jewelry line that the girls will change their tune and accept that I am and have always been an independent businesswoman. Sometimes I think they just want to keep me where I was. That was comfortable for them. You don’t see me running around looking for a new husband to take care of me. I married my ex-husband because I loved him. BTW, the gardener gave me his number to meet him out after, but I was a good girl and went home.

It seems like Heather has decided to become the new meddler in the group. This should prove to be interesting. While I am very grateful that she was willing to help me with my toaster oven shoot and the box mockup, I would appreciate it if she stopped getting involved in my business affairs. We mutually agreed to that after that last experience! Heather then went on to try to tell Bethenny how to handle Ramona when Bethenny has known Ramona for so much longer than Heather! This reminded me of when Heather tried to get in between Luann and Ramona during Season 4. She also got in between Carole’s argument with Aviva. In the preview we see that Heather can’t stop herself from getting into the other girl’s business, and then she tries to tell Bethenny to apologize to Kristen! We have yet to see Heather fight one of my fights! I hope that Heather gets the hint and lays off telling the rest of us what to do.

I thought that the whole brunching situation was ridiculous, even though I adore going to 75 Main and seeing my friend Zach Erdem. I don’t understand why we all couldn’t have just had brunch together. I think if everyone was just a little more relaxed, we would all have a better time, and we wouldn’t fight about these silly things. Life is too short to worry about who’s HOSTING the brunch! As long as we are getting Bloody Marys, everyone should be happy! Heather makes the best Bloody Marys! Why for Gawd's sake are we not following her to brunch?!

I am so glad that the girls and I got to have a fun night out at Beautique like it used to be! There was no drama, no fighting, just girls having a good time and not judging each other. I agree with Bethenny that it was odd that Luann didn’t tell her that Kelly was coming, but I’m glad that they were able to move on and not let one bad moment ruin everyone’s night. Maybe this was Lu trying to patch them up? We have seen Lu and Ramona do a 360. Lu and Bethenny did a 360. Ramona was having a good time and seemed like she was adjusting well to being single! I know that Ramona is going to be OK, especially if she has the support of all of her single, fabulous girlfriends, and there are many. I still find it strange that Ramona got upset with me saying she was divorcing when she says she is single over and over. Could she be pretending to be happy single? Trying to prove something? I still remember that psychic telling her Mario was cheating. It was so upsetting, I started crying for Ramona.

I am so glad that I met Dominik, and I had a lot of fun with him, but I am definitely not looking to be in a relationship with a younger man right now. I had a young boyfriend last year! At this time in my life, I am looking for a man who is more established and can be a long-term partner--and closer to my age. Especially now that I have ducks lined up, and I’m seeing the trees through the forest. I have not been this happy in some time.

But one fun night with a younger man never hurt anyone. Tune in to see if this is a one-nighter or not! The women are saying a lot of nasty things about me, but no one is trying to say that Sonja Morgan doesn’t know how to have a good time! No matter what happens, I am always the straw the stirs the drink. Lu and Heather drag me around like an old suitcase, so you know they are not worried about me at all. They are just too darn encouraging for that to be true. I guess I need to give my girlfriends more attention once I am over the hurdle of my lawsuit, so they feel secure in our friendship. We have seen LuAnn duke it out with Ramona over my time spent between them. Now we see Ramona freaking on Bethenny over her time with me. I guess I’ll just be the fire hydrant!

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