Cast Blog: #RHONY

How to Succeed in Business Without Having a Notepad

Episode 3: Bravotv.com's Editor discusses facial yoga, Cipro, and skateboards.

Hello RHONY fans. I hope you have enough mimosas and Cipro to handle all that this episode has to offer. Let's recap shall we?

The Bronx is Burning But Aviva Has Cipro
After a delightfully boozy brunch spent discussing doing a little Carole (which, according to Aviva, just means wearing leather shorts -- get your minds out of the gutter), more of Harry Dubin's former conquests, and whether happy folks get pushed in front of trains, the ladies head to a rooftop bar to grab a drink.

This sounds simple enough -- but it's not. Our darling Aviva has some issues. But as she admits, she's got a pretty good excuse: "Because I lost my leg being trapped in a conveyer belt, I'm just always afraid of being trapped in other kinds of machines." I don't think there's any way you can accuse the woman of being too careful now. Take all the hazmat suits and antibiotics you want, love. You earned it?

Also re: this brunch, I love so much that Sonja ate before she came. I feel you lady! Sometimes I just want to strap on the old feedbag in my own home.

However, one precaution she's less than worried about is a wedding band on her fellow. Apparently that might have a reverse effect, in Aviva's mind. Reid wants to know who would hit on him? Anyone with a love of Hush Puppies, "I can finish the job" shirts, and quilted vests says Sonja, and I agree. He was working a look. Plus, as we see later, he's excellent at teaching children how to pretend shave. What a charmer!

A Baby Grows in Brooklyn
In other news, LuAnn is pondering if she'll be living Chic C'est La Pregnant sometime soon. Has Fertile Myrtle wandered too far off-course though?

At least Victoria thinks the baby would be good looking.

Also, LuAnn on a skateboard. As if i wasn't going to include that gem.

The Queens of Business
Next we're treated to one of my favorite things -- seeing Ramona Singer at work. Yes, Sonja has stopped by the office to discuss her new business ventures. Sonja swirls about speaking of costumes, crumb trays, and guest lists. However, Ramona wants to drive this bus with the eye for industry she's always had -- which means Sonja, really, really needs to get a notebook.

/p>

The secret to Ramona's success is notepads. Get me twenty!

Sonja does get a second opinion from Ramona's nemesis, Heather Thomson. She has some delightful advice -- and a proposition. Why don't the ladies jaunt off to London? They'll be able to drink in the day time and it won't matter. Hoorah!

Staten Island of Love
Ramona and Mario and Carole, sitting in a tree? F-l-i-r-t-i-n-g. I know, I know, it's a less elegant song, but how precious was their effervescent dinner? Carole in her wintery best, beers flowing like wine, Italian phrases punctuating the air, Carole debating how long she has left to pull off a 20 year marriage. . .

And while we already found the secret to Ramona's business success, we squeeze out another mystery this episode. It seems the reason their marriage has lasted so long is that she loves his fragrance. I've never smelled Mario, but now it's literally all I can imagine! What is the smell that holds Ramona's attention for so long? What could it be? Is it oaky with an attentive top note? Musky with a hint of boyish good looks?

Manhattan Major Moment
After all of that hullabaloo about wedding rings, Aviva decides to take Mrs. TrueFaith herself to pick out a band for her man. However, as it's wont to do, a speakerphone call sends the whole afternoon into a tizz. It seems Heather isn't inviting Ramona across the pond, and now that Aviva spoke to Mrs. YumTum over the communal call, the cat is out of the bag.

Surely this will be addressed at the jewelry launch party all the ladies are invited to, after of course the topic of facial yoga is discussed.

real-housewives-of-new-york-season-5-pho

Yes, this is the secret to eternal youth says Manhattan's elite. And I was worried I'd have to enter into some sort of Death Becomes Her-style agreement to keep the inklings of attractiveness I have. At least I'm not blonde (Aviva said they don't age well, but I'm not sure that's how aging works).

Anyway, once the goodie bags have been tended and LuAnn and Ramona have managed to not maim each other, the goodwill continues. Ramona decides to clear the air with Heather, and extend her apologies over that whole departed dad debacle.

After a brief discussion of bubble baths with Harry, perfect prototypes (the second was about toaster ovens), and very dead plants (she loved it to death, which coincidentally is the name of another early '90s movie I adore. Stop playing to everything in my wheelhouse ladies!) Ramona waltzes over and apologizes.

Heather seems thrilled with the apology, so hopefully this is the road to recover for these two. Perhaps all will work well and the gang will be riding a double-decker bus together in no time. . .

Or perhaps not by the looks of our previews.

But now I put the cause to you: would you have asked Ramona on the trip if you were Heather? Would you have a baby with Jacques and teach him to skateboard? Do you have a doomsday kit in your apartment that includes faux razors for your children to entertain themselves in the case of rolling blackouts? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

Sonja: No Matter What I Do, I Cannot Win

Sonja talks about how hurt she is when she hears her fellow 'Wives talking about her. 

As I said in my last blog, I really felt ganged up on the last time I saw all the girls at the reunion. They seem to be coming up with strange comments out of nowhere, since we were fine when we wrapped last season, and I guested everyone at Jamie’s after the Le Cirque event (leg toss) and at the Sonja in the City Premiere Party when the show finally aired.

They were attacking me left and right about my businesses and the legal crisis I was dealing with that resulted from when I was a movie producer. I had to deal with this all while going through my divorce and no support from my ex.

Lu and Ramona have shut me out since their significant other troubles.

Dorinda says she’s never been to Ramona’s country house. As we saw in the last episode, Ramona has never been to Dorinda’s houses either. So this is a new, fast and furious friendship?! It’s like Ramona would talk to her hairdresser before me. Anyone but me, who really knows her. 

In fact, this is the first time Ramona’s moved me out of the bedroom I always stay in no matter how many guests. I was trying to be understanding, because I know Dorinda is new to the group, but that doesn’t change the fact that Ramona is definitely demonstrative in pushing me away. I don’t care what an ass I’m acting like. Who does that?

I have spent so many celebrations at the country house with Ramona, Mario, and her daughter. So she doesn’t have to feel that she can’t talk to me. Every time I bring up something that I feel is relatable between us, as fancy or flighty as it may sound when I mention these, it IS common ground for us. She just continues to ignore me, so I keep trying even harder to get her attention by bringing up more examples of what I have gone through that is similar to what she is going through. No matter what I try, I am seemingly talking to a wall. Not a good look I might add!

Dorinda brought up the fact that I live in a big house, after I brought up lower maintenance being nice. She moved from a huge apartment with her daughter to a much smaller apartment. That’s when I gave the examples of how I am scaling down. But, I’m not willing to give up my main home and the outdoors that I get with a house, because I already gave up my country house. It seems like my idea to keep my main house is upsetting the girls, and I do not understand why they are so focused. 

What adds to everything else is that Ramona apologizes to Lu for not understanding what she has been through, having not walked in her shoes till now. Yet, she hasn’t discussed this with me. She would always give me very harsh advice, saying how I wouldn’t be divorced if I did all the things she’d done in her marriage and family life. I wish she could have paid the same respect to me.

That’s exactly why I didn’t have her over when I took down my husband’s portrait. I felt Luann understood better, that no matter how well things are going, marriages do fall apart. It’s not the wife’s fault alone. This divorce should be bringing us closer, as it is with her former nemesis Luann, but Ramona just chooses not to let this happen. I don’t want to say, “I told you so.” I just want to maintain our close relationship no matter what happens.

When the psychic in Morocco said Mario was cheating on Ramona, I started crying, because I was afraid when Avery went away to school that it could happen. It does happen!  I care about Ramona very much, and I didn’t want her to go through what I’ve been through. How can she forget how sensitive I have been to her issues? I don’t really feel like she is letting me in when she is so easy to let others in, such as Lu and Dorinda. 

This gets my hair up on my back and causes me to try to get her attention even more. She says to Dorinda I’ve been on the offensive, but I feel like I’ve been playing more of a defensive role. Because of the comments she used to make to Lu and me about why we were divorced when she had the perfect marriage, perfect everything, I am acting this way. Having said that, I do seem very self-absorbed, but I wouldn’t say I’m more self-absorbed than anyone else in our group! I think I really have a thorn in my side at this point.

We see Ramona having déjà vu at the bar at Lu’s, and of course I’m sitting right next to her having mutual admiration in her flashback. That was then! I’m missing that give and take relationship. We used to interrupt each other interrupting like Abbot and Costello. There was no stopping us from getting a word in. Now I just seem to be talking to myself. It just makes me question why she is so unhappy with me.

Then you see me trying to break up the fight between Heather and Aviva in the flashback. I can’t help thinking that if Aviva were still here, then the heat would be on her, instead of me! Is that mean? Or am I just feeling like the whipping boy? LOL!

It makes me feel uncomfortable that the girls are counting my money and accusing me of pretending.

Sonja Morgan

I’m really shocked when Heather tells Carole in the ride out to the Hampton’s, that I am bull sh---ing people that I was a millionaire when I was 25 years old. I have never said anything like that. She already knows that I’ve been working and making my own money since I was 14 years old and invested in my properties with and without my ex. So, again, I feel like these comments are coming out of nowhere and with no basis. She knows how hard I have worked in the garment industry and in fashion retail since we have that in common. She knows nothing was handed to me. We had that mutual respect before. It makes me feel uncomfortable that the girls are counting my money and accusing me of pretending.

At the reunion I threw out a comment about P. Diddy being a friend, because I thought Heather was BSing too much when she was dropping the names of celebrities that she knew through business. However, I’m no stranger to dropping names either, since I make a living off my contacts. It was a heated moment, and I guess she’s having a moment of some type with me now. I was also very upset last year that she said my relationship with Harry wasn’t real. I can tell you it is very real, for both of us. 

I also don’t understand why Luann can talk about the big house in Bridgehampton she had with her husband, and I can’t talk about my yacht. I have fond memories on the yacht with family and friends. I’m not living in the past. I am very much in the moment and planning my future.  

For Ramona to say to Dorinda that I am in denial is very strange. Ramona knows better than anyone that every day I deal with the bottom line, which is frankly about the dollars and cents. I have been extremely active in protecting my assets, and I am fully advised by professionals. Many couples have remarried their divorced spouses once they settle their division of assets because of this very reason. It’s always about the money. That’s why Lu and Ramona are scaling down. No one who knows business wants to give up their real estate. You never make money selling. Only buying more. Real Estate is an investment and used as leverage. 

Ramona tells Bethenny several times that she is single. She has told me this, too, but the second I say that she is divorcing, she gets mad at me. I really can’t win. I can’t say she’s Italian, even though she was married into an Italian family and lived with her mother-in-law for 10 years, because that got her angry, too. It was an innocent mistake, yet Ramona was so sensitive about it.

BTW, when Ramona told Bethenny to breathe, it reminded me of Morocco with Alex McCord. Talk about a déjà vu!

Lu’s son is so wonderful. He’s very polite and kind. He showed me his carriage house,and it really is perfect, and he is so proud of it! I’m happy to have gotten to know him over the years. I have had dinner with Adam Kentworthy and the family when he was dating Lu’s niece Nicole. Now that he’s the chef, he is definitely off limits! Carole is a sucker for attractive men! So I wonder, what will happen there?

We see Lu’s son is drinking out of a mason jar. I love to serve beer in them with lemon and ice like in England, as Dorinda would say. I once again can’t win. I bring my own beer, which is down to earth, and now I am accused of not being Lady Morgan-like. Previously in this episode, I am being accused of not being down to earth. I really feel I’m being picked on and shut out. No matter what I do, I cannot win.

Tune in next week to see how this “docudrama” unfolds. I think you will be very surprised. What a bunch we are!

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