I'm Going to Laugh, I'm Laughing
Episode 11: Bravotv.com's Editor puts a sexual lizard, stock of tampons, and Housewives' peace on her holiday wishlist.
What's that you feel friends? Is it tension? Is it the simmering heat of toaster oven tiffs, and accusations of untrue accents, and lizards leaping in surprise and disgust? It is, because all those things happened and more to our Real Housewives of New York City. Who knew that Christmas was the most fraught time of the year?
Brooklyn Gifts Hard
We open with yet another blissfully odd turn of events. Carole is hosting a White Elephant gift exchange. Since LuAnn has arrived solo, she's going to be seated next to George. Yes, I don't believe the fates have ever conspired so well to put two diametrically opposed forces together. Yet, there's something there. A spark of recognition of two delightful sparkplugs in each other's presence. Don't tell me you didn't feel it when LuAnn said "charmant."
The rest of the ladies arrive (including Sonja in a fascinator, Lady Morgan loves her headwear), and the gifting begins. And it goes so very oddly. . .
My biggest question though is: what is a clitoral iguana? I did you all the favor of trying to Google it and there are no results out there. Please if you know, give me a description in the comments. It's for purely inquisitive purposes I swear.The Bronx is Bleeding
Next we head to the hotly contested toaster oven shoot. But like a piece of toast you're waiting to brown, Sonja is making you wait. . .She's actually nowhere to be found when Heather arrives. Roughly an hour or so later, Sonja struts in, in full fur, ranting about scrambled eggs, olive oil coatings, and, strangely enough, her Aunt Flow who happens to be in town.
Well, it's good to know that Sonja is not just young at heart, but also in uterus as well. Thankfully, Aviva's leg was out of reach so no one thought they had stumbled upon a murder scene. Though, it's a wonder Sonja and Heather didn't murder each other over the couse of the day, what with all of the "Whose campaign is it anyone?" hullabaloo. At the end of the day, Sonja gave some serious face and faux toastering (also props to those perfectly crisped chickens!), so does it really matter whose idea it was?
Who am I kidding, of course it does? Expect this not to be the last you heard of Sonja lying suggestively on a toaster oven in this episode.Single Island
Are any of you familiar with the internet sensation, Women Laughing Alone with Salad? That is what instantly came to mind when the women were nearly starving to death at Carole's. Just a Ramona sitting around the one-sixth of a salad Radziwill could scrounge up, not laughing but telling us she was laughing, was nearly too much for me. I was going to laugh. I laughed.
Lack of stocked eats at her petite home aside, Carole had something important to bring up -- she wants all the gals (including Red Sonja! The return of my favorite hat from Season 4!) to go with her to St. Barths. It will be a delightful girls trip (plus Russ).
Of course, Aviva would love to bring Reid along, what with the tiny plane, her phobias, and her loving him and all. As you could expect, this does not go over fantastically. . .How should she touch those snakes? All at once? Really fast and walk away? The Queen of Controversy
In case you haven't noticed we're in prime party season in NYC. The ladies are knee deep in holiday parties, magazine cover celebrations, and red wine launches (well at least Ramona is). But all the goodwill and photos of Ramona's mama aren't enough to distract her from the continuing business brouhaha with Heather. And so she quickly pulls Sonja aside to discuss the shoot. And then Sonja pulls Heather aside to tell her she talked to Ramona about it, and then, par usual, things don't go well once Heather and Ramona get to chatting. . .
I think Carole's count is right, she has yet to be at a party where Ramona has not caused or been part of some dramatics. However, as Ramona said this is new Ramona. Ramona is reacting to this sort of situation by walking away, and in mere moments we'll see just how quickly she walks. Right after we see Ramona do some calming yoga.
Manhattan Major Moments
At Janna Bullock's housewarming, the ladies are once again celebrating the season. Heather's got her second diamond letter top on of the episode. The topic of the wine game is once again coming up and thankfully put to bed by Jacques literally playing Aviva off. Why don't more Housewives tiffs end with someone just playing piano until the subject is moot.
And then the women cajole into a weird sort of hallway, and the stage is set for a Sliding Doors-esque parallel fight. As one-half debates the way Jacques pronounces jacuzzi and if it's actually French, the other half can't handle hearing this debacle. Once Heather crosses over the doorway and address the issue with Aviva, Ramona appears, very nearly out of nowhere to tell Heather she's "sick of it." She quickly exits down a narrow hallway, leaving Heather to tell Mario his wife is crazy. Yikes. . .
Next week we'll see how Mario handles Heather's comments and more importantly we learn what will become of the children! What will become of them? Leave your guess in the comments.