It's Your America
Episode 9: Bravotv.com's Editor ponders a life with George Drescher and Carole's couch.
I hope that as you're reading this fine friends, that your face is contorted into some sort of magnificent exercise. In my dreams your brows are knitted into a face-saving furrow -- and not just because of something George said. Welcome back to Miami. Let's evaluate these sexual shenanigans shall we?
Brooklyn: Packs Hard
I really could pen this entire recap as an ode to Carole's couch. It comes with a lot of history (as those of you RHONY scholars that read What Remains will know). It just is the chicest, most comfortable, delightful looking piece of furniture in the greater metro area. I long to be on the couch with her, just gabbing about novel writing, sipping teas, casual packing for a jaunt to Florida. I plan on having my couch reupholstered as soon as I finish writing this recap.
Anyway, Carole's packing and gabbing with Aviva pre-Miami. Aviva is finding Ramona to be extremely energetic and perhaps a little much. my knee jerk response to this was -- are you surprised? Her "spring break" attitude from last week should have really been a big indicator of the trip's pace. But my second response was how will the rest of this play out? Will Aviva send Ramona and Mario packing to a motel (where there may or may not be family photos of the Dreschers). Is Aviva ready to handle this hurricane once Sonja joins in?
The Up-and-Coming Bronx
Once the ladies actually make it to Miami and get their "colors" on (Ramona's term), it's time to hit the pool at Rajana's. My home décor envy was also out of control at her abode. I mean sweet jeebus that chandie. I’d move to any "up and coming" neighborhood to have a chandelier like that. Speaking of, is it rude to tell someone the neighborhood they live in is kind of Stop A on the gentrification train? Ramona was trying to be positive, but maybe less of that talk of house flipping would have been a better idea. Never assume someone thinks their neighborhood isn't the best. . .
Thankfully the ladies quickly submerge themselves (even Aviva's non-swimming leg) and turn the topic to facial yoga. Of course, it's hard to not go to a less than adult place when you're suggestively puckering your lips for long periods.
But as soon as the gals faces return to normal, Ramona gets a bit huffed about Aviva's leg. It seems this isn't her swimming gam, and, despite Aviva swearing it's fine to submerge, Ramona wants her out of the pool, like yesterday. She gets a touch aggressive about the definition of wet -- did you know there's such a thing as "wet wet." This does not bode well for Aviva saying Ramona was already a lot to handle before she told her how to have an artificial limb.
Queens of Clean
Back at the abode, Ramona and Sonja are showering together and leaving Aviva out -- most likely because there simply is no more space in the shower for her. I'm not going to ask for the logistics of how the shower hardware was all lost to the cause, but it was so let's just move forward. All the gals primping and preparation (and need to sleep together) is in the anticipation of George. George’s arrival is imminent. Stress is building! Aviva is cursing!
Once the terror twins are finally ready to great the masses, George arrives. He's just as, if not twice as, charming as the last time we saw him. He's hip and dresses better than his son-in-law. He flirts without abandon. Ramona and him are a match made in friendship heaven. Watch out Mario!
Also watch out kitchen staff -- Ramona wants to eat on her schedule and not talk about Harry at the table. We're slowly watching Aviva wear down from the Ramona-coaster, so hopefully George can keep the conversation flowing on dinner topics that will keep the gang distracted. . .like squirting orgasms.
Never change George.
The next day at the pool George get even more amazing. He might have even exhausted the boundaries of our gal's sexually suggestive limits. Sonja blushed!
As long as we keep George out of the pool (lest he get erect) and don't let Aviva's leg languish in there for too long, it's a perfect afternoon. It's your America Mario! Don't you forget it.
Manhattan Major Moment
Really -- I've waited to long to address this. At a certain point in this episode George out Georged himself. He soared to new heights of lecherous man into a stratosphere with one quick graze of Sonja's backside.
It's not his fault! She's not wearing panties! Wood medicine can't just turn itself on and off. Pheromones are pumping. George is giving it his all.
Unfortunately, it seems the love affair is not meant to be. And perhaps neither is Aviva and Ramona's courtship. Aviva pulls Sonja aside to ask how to deal with the Ramonacoaster. The gals come up with a signal and hopefully that's enough to tame Ramona for the time being.
We'll see how this all shakes out when the gang is back in NYC.Staten Island Loan Department
Meanwhile back in NYC, LuAnn and Carole go shopping. I have to address my favorite moment of this shipping trip first, which is when LuAnn was desperately trying to be a conscientious shopper and put her sunglasses up. Even she was not tall enough to do so, and she muttered to herself, "Hello that's not working out," which made me die. It was just so Countess-ish. "Hello, that's not working out." What a phrase for our generation. Next time you're trapped in a moment of frustration channel that phrase.
But the purpose of this trip was not just rearranging the C Wonder store. No, Carole wanted to lay down the close borrowing law to LuAnn. She's going to protect the Khans to the very end, and she doesn't want LuAnn taking advantage of their kindness. Hopefully that upfront attitude will put these two kids on the straight and narrow, but from the looks of the previews for next week, Carole has some issues with LuAnn's choice of Native American phrases.
Next time week, it's a toaster oven summit, some Native American talk of reservations, and Sonja has some reservations about Jacques' intentions. Until then, would you date George? Even if it meant a life of indulging in goat weed? My survey says yes, but leave your thoughts in the comments.