Cast Blog: #RHONY

Jesus Louisius

Episode 8: Bravotv.com's Editor falls in love with a sex addict and with LuAnn's eyebrows.

Once again, the episode opens with a delightful oddity. Ramona and Sonja are just sitting around discussing possible facial procedures. How deep does that laser go? We’ll never know because of course, the lunch was all about the fallout from London. . .and sex addicts.

A Love Grows in Brooklyn
Ramona may not have been invited to London, but she invited the ladies for a cathartic post-trip chat just to be sure she didn't miss the across the pod antics. Ramona was shocked to find that LuAnn was the lightening rod of drama on this trip instead of Heather. I wonder if she put money on that in some sort of who will be most annoying pool with Sonja?

Once Aviva arrives, the topic turns to more travel. Aviva has invited Ramona and Mario to Miami, Carole will happen to be there at the same time, and now Aviva extends another invite to Sonja. Why? Well it seems Aviva wants her to meet a tall, dark, sex addict stranger there. There's just one potential snag -- that handsome, orgasm-loving gent is Aviva's father.

I'm not sure what the protocol is on setting someone up with your dad. I guess it depends on how much you like your dad, what sort of sexual deviant he is, etc. etc. I do know that I agree with Carole though -- this is going to be a delight to watch. Before Sonja embarks on her familial love affair, there are toaster ovens to design. Thusly she meets with Heather and a logo designer to discuss branding (whilst wearing the greatest hat in the entire world). Sonja's a touch miffed that Heather's help didn't really get the entire Ms. Morgan picture. It seems like the meeting is a little bit of missed connections, but hopefully things will get right on track for us all to by our toaster ovens in a timely fashion.

Queen of Palattes
In less font-rific news, LuAnn and Jacques are hosting an evening of wine games. Instead of just tasting the wines, the ladies have to guess the province, notes, and such of various vinos. Carole claims to know no difference between grape juice and Bordeaux, while Aviva is unsure of the color of grape juice at all. But just when you think this is going to be a pretty sad competition, the titan of taste herself, Ramona arrives!

It's like watching children swimming in a wading pool and then tossing Ryan Lochte in. THINGS JUST GOT REAL. But first Heather is put to the test. She's not a huge fan of this particular white wine, but it does improve after she inhales some lemon essence. If this is the way to mask the tastes of wines I don't enjoy, perhaps I should start huffing lemon zest before I drink cheap wine. The more you know. . .

Ramona is not comfortable being blindfolded (why hide those beautiful windows to her soul?). However, it seems she's earned the right to be pushy because she's got a prize nose. Her snout quickly distinguishes between various fruits and florals. Then Jacques lets loose on the secret -- it was Ramona's wine the whole time! Twist! Was it a set up? It doesn't really matter because Ramona saw your booby trap and got her way right out of it -- like Batman if Batman was a sommelier.

A Bronx Boca Tale
Finally we get to meet the man in question, Aviva's father George. From the get-go, I already love him. He notices a good tan, he loves scotch, he hates Bocca.

I personally can't wait to see if his prediction for Marilyn, Reid's mother, comes to pass. Stay tuned for a potential spinoff about her racially charged love affair with a younger man (Fingers crossed!).

After that really delightful dinner, the preparation begins for Ramona's arrival. Poor Aviva was frantic over thread count, while Ramona just wanted someone to tell her what to drink. Champs or Pinot? Is there a way to combine the two -- like a twist cone? It's spring break after all! Well maybe not, first there are house rules (no nudity, boo!) and then there are the plethora of family photos. How can anyone make love in these conditions? We'll have to stay tuned to see if Ramona finds a way. . .

Staten Eye-brow-land
Meanwhile, LuAnn and Heather are just two gals walking around in fur distracted by the quest for a perfect brow. When these two lady friends wandered into a brow salon, The Countess was shocked to find that her eyebrows could be improved -- as was I. I too once believed that LuAnn's eyebrows were fabulous, but life is all about learning you can improve.

As Heather endured the pain without even flinching (she is gangsta), the gals discuss the order of entrance in London. LuAnn is shocked that this is even an issue. Who knew sizism was such a major schism in the group? The Carole quandary comes up as well, but perhaps because LuAnn was so overwhelmed with pain, she sort of missed the full story. Lesson learned Heather -- don't try to have an important conversation with someone who was recently waxed.

Manhattan Major Moment
I really think the most important thing we learn in this episode is that Ramona tastes more than we do. Beyond her impeccable vino showing, over dinner we learn that for her a salad doesn't need much. When you derive as much pleasure from arugula she doesn't need more than that. Cilantro is enough to send Ramona into a fugue state of flavor. It hits her whole taste profile.

But her penchant for extracting every ounce of savory joy from her salad does not transfer to her picking up on the full motives of all involved. You see, Aviva doesn't want LuAnn's wine slight from the tasting to go unnoticed. She thinks it's unfair that LuAnn tried to "get" Ramona, and she doesn't want it to go unmentioned. This leads Mario to do his best Jacques impression, and we watch as before our very eyes, Ramona is wound back to her anti-LuAnn ways. Has all their goodwill been undone over a glass of wine? Did that hug last week mean nothing?

If that's not enough to keep you in suspense, the season trailer with talk of squirting orgasms, masturbation, white trash and cheating accusations could cause a fugue state of its own!

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