Cast Blog: #RHONY

Mrs. Potato Head

Episode 6: Bravotv.com's Editor ponders the gourds and tubes the 'Wives resemble and the rest of their trip to London.

Cheerio London lovers and Housewives fans. The ladies have finally made their way across the pond. How will the trip be sans Ramona? Will she and Aviva receive postcards from the edge from Carole, who has been driven witless by LuAnn? Will we ever find out why everyone loves yummy? Who is this Queen we met at dinner? Let's recap shall we?

A Head the Size of Staten Island
We open this episode by finding that Carole has another nickname for LuAnn. Most people call her the Countess, Sonja calls her Lu, and Carole. . .well Carole calls her Pumpkin Head. But she means it in the most endearing way! Like how pumpkins photograph so resplendently. When you think about it like that, who wouldn't want their melon compared to a very photogenic gourd? I find my head to be a bit like a butternut squash, particularly if I'm retaining fluid. Sadly that gourd head resigns Lu to a life of hat problems, but what can you do? You live a life where you look great in pictures, but not in pictures where are wearing hats. You take the good with the bad, I suppose.

The hat problems continue as Carole can't quite wrap her mind around the word "fascinator." Sonja thinks the trouble comes in that she doesn't wear a bra, but I think she might have stopped listening to the explanations because of LuAnn's faux British accent. Yikes, is it jet lag, or is Carole getting a little sick of the Countess?

On the other side of the pond, Ramona goes on another shopping trip, this time just with Aviva and with no threat of a "downtown makeover." Ramona, ever the curious sort, has a lot of questions about what sort of shoes Aviva can navigate and what her knee actually looks like. I love Ramona's decision to role-play with the leg. "Let me pretend I'm a stranger." The commitment to understanding how the leg worked was really paramount. Way to get method Ramona! As always your commitment makes you the Christian Bale of RHONY.

Back to London, the ladies are shopping as well. Once the Countess clears up the exchange rate, Sonja goes diving for shoes with multiple stickers on them or PETA-approved feathers. Carole shares how her memories of living in London and her early days as a widow. LuAnn apparently was nearly crossing Carole on the street, as she also pondered living in London then. Carole feels a little one-upped by the conversation and their English-style standoffish continues.

The Princess vs the Queens
After all the shopping the ladies finally arrive at Heather's company dinner. The venue is the former House of Dior, so of course within minutes of the ladies arriving the topic of poop comes up (obviously). Yes, Heather continues to show her "gangsta" side, by making an "egg drop" poop joke in front of the Countess! Sadly she doesn't get it, leading to a very awkward further explanation of the joke. Doesn't that always take the air out of a good defecation gag?

Here's something else the ladies don't get right away -- dinner. Recalling to mind an RHOC incident, the ladies blood sugars were running dangerously low. With no cakes to nibble on, they had to muster their starving selves to share why they loved Yummie Tummie.

Carole manages to get called out, not once, but twice during this debacle. Once by a young gent who does not want her sleeping on her royalty title (he's the Queen, OK, so lay off lady). Secondly it was LuAnn who didn't let her little lack of standing upright go unnoticed. Yipes.

The Bronx is Starving
As great as the ice breakers were, ice does not fill hungry bellies (even if it's broken). And the ladies were starving. I seriously thought Sonja was going to eat that rose while she waited for the eats. Also, who was that man that kept sniffing it so seductively? Was he trying to send her a message? It was all very 9 1/2 Weeks. As the food continued to not reveal itself, the ladies were forced to the loo, which is even more European than you can imagine.

Yes, apparently the Brits have now decided the ideal bathroom scenario is an "Orgasmatron." The toilet itself is just average, however, which Sonja so quickly remarked on. But the pod still provided Sonja and Carole with endless entertainment -– the music was playing, the pod was reminding them of ovaries, etc., hence LuAnn was left watching her salad wilt waiting for the other ladies. Poor hungry Countess! We've tested her commitment to class, and once again it stands like iron. The woman would rather starve to death than loose her scruples.

Brooklyn Learns Hard
After the ladies have eaten and drank (surely into the eve), it's up early for Heather and Carole. Heather is appearing on British television to promote the brand, while Carole is providing moral support. Carole's main task: ensuring that Heather only says Yummie Tummie once. There's no clear indicator if she's allowed to say yummie and tummie separately, nor am I sure exactly what would happen if she goes over her allotment. Will she be banned from the UK indefinitely? Forced to ride a double decker bus of shame in punishment? Made to pay an exorbitant fee in only crumpets? Thankfully we never have to learn, because she does fantastic.

Meanwhile, in another media savvy moment, Ramona is having her big speech at the Learning Annex. Sadly, she fears no one knows it because there are no photos (nor are their high enough tables). Ramona didn't get to wear she is today be letting an overly short table stand in her way. No m'am. She finds the appropriate-level surface and knocks her speech right out of the park (right after she finds the bathroom.

Manhattan Love Story
For me though, the crux of this episode is new friendship. The ladies really just started loving on each other. Perhaps it was Carole seductively petting Sonja Morgan's face through her nose-speared fascinator netting that really exemplified how the new and the returning ladies have become one. Or perhaps it was their impromptu photo shoot and Truth or Dare session. Maybe it was them jovially discussing Heather's glasses (I liked her Potato Head glasses!) and calling each other food-based names. It seems like the gals are really gelling together. Just sitting around eating curry talking about sex on ping pong tables -- just like young girls are want to do. Plus have you noticed the precious friendship budding between LuAnn and Heather?!? She wants to write odes to her Gangsta Chic-ness. That's two steps above friendship bracelets.

Of course, on the other side of the pond is another pair of friend-os. Ramona and Aviva went out for a double date with their respective man folks, and undoubtedly the topic of Heather comes up (after Ramona manages to not choke to death, thankfully. Should we be worried about how dry her throat is?). Ramona's thinks Heather might be a touch insecure (Reid, Aviva’s husband, points to jealousy). So while there’s no progress there, Aviva does label herself as "Ramona 2.0," so those two have each other. And what do we have? We have Ramona's incredible impression of Heather? Again, commitment to the craft!

Now that the lines are drawn, we’ll see what happens next week when Carole tries to beat the Countess at her own game -- and when Ramona and Heather get into one of the more mobile tiffs in Housewives history. Until then, what shape do you think each Housewife's head is? Do you, like Carole, think LuAnn's noggin is pumpkin-like? Leave your comparisons: animal, vegetable, or mineral in the comment.

Dorinda: Let Ramona be Ramona

Dorinda opens up on her relationship with John and tells us what she thought of being in the middle of brunchgate. 

This episode was draining. So much happening, too, it’s exhausting.

I know everyone was thinking it was literally a battle of two brunches. Let me clear with this: It was a classic power struggle with two grown women with big personalities staking their territory. Listen, there was a bit of the tension before everyone met up at Luann’s, and it all came to a head. I personally had no skin in this game, but for some reason, I was clearly positioned as a talking point and negotiating tool. Whatever…it’s all good.

Brunch was awkward, to say the least. I was hoping all the girls would show up, so we would have a chance to really get to know one another before I left for the city, but the fact that they didn't neither ruined nor altered my plans. Thank you, Ramona, for a wonderful weekend, and thank you for the "lunch in my honor” (I think), but I had a life to get back to…

That said, the weekend was great. I got to meet all the girls, spend time with them, and I managed to leave without any battle wounds! Cheers to me! (Just give me some extra Worcestershire sauce right away…)

OK, OK, OK…hold the phone. Literally. My lunch with John at Gina’s is a moment that illustrates something I feel really passionate about. Was I angry? No. Annoyed? You can’t possibly imagine. I am quite relaxed about a lot of things but a total stickler about others. And bad manners is a real trigger.

I am always excited to take some time out and meet John up for a lunch or a drink, if our paths can cross between meetings and errands. It’s true, we don't live together, and we don’t see each other every day, but because of that, I want to make the most of our time together. I love him, and he makes me happy. Many factors in our lives—work, family, friends, friends, exhaustion and, in my case, Hannah—keep our lives pretty damn separate. I don't see him every day, so to steal away an hour or two on a weekday for lunch is both fun and kind of exciting.

Guys, when you’re out with a date, whether it’s a girlfriend of two years or a wife of 20 years, PLEASE be present! This means NO PHONE (I repeat: NOOOOO PHOOOOOOOONE), unless it is an emergency or your deal is going to collapse if you don’t take the bitch’s call, OK? Let’s face it, we aren't doctors working in an ER or in a maternity ward delivery babies. We deserve some quiet and some focused time together. Come on, guys. Be gentlemen. Leave the wheeling and dealing for the cab ride back to the office. If this isn't doable, then lunch isn’t doable. Quick little snippets of small talk between telephone distractions—calls or texts or otherwise—do NOT a happy lunch make. If that’s what’s going down during my lunch, then you’re going down, too. To be honest, I’d rather take an hour to browse Bergdorf’s and get a falafel on the way home. Thank you.

The food was great though (#shrimpsalad). You're welcome.

Bethenny invited me to see the new apartment on Twitter on Tuesday night, and I’m so excited. Looks like a really great pad. B knows what she wants, how she wants it, and when she wants it. I admire that tremendously. I need her to come up to the Berkshires with me and help me shake things up. I think her new SoHo apartment is even nicer than the TriBeCa apartment from the pictures I’ve seen. I’m can’t wait to go visit.

Oh, Ramona… Finding herself, distracting herself, dating to just have fun and get out there. I totally approve and think it’s great for her. She’s a gorgeous woman and needs to be seen and be told that. Often! People need to worry about what’s going on in their own backyard before snooping around Ramona’s front porch. Let Ramona be Ramona, and get on with it. This end-of-an-marriage thing is a process, and even though she has made the decision to move forward with the divorce, it can and may be a long process that will have its ups and downs. Hey, listen up: NYC lawyers are going to be involved, and there is no money in a quick divorce. Buckle your seatbelt, get a lot of rest, because this is just the beginning.

And now…the singles night at Beautique.

The Beautique restaurant is great for business dinners, first dates, and for a chic couple’s night out. It’s definitely a place to see and be seen. The back room, however, the Beautique Club, is a playground for singles and the glamorous singles. I knew John was going that night for a business dinner, but I have to admit, I had no idea he was going to slip through the dark kitchen corridor and down the rabbit hole to the back room club. As I watched, I was not happy about it, and I remembered how annoyed and surprised I felt when Ramona called me and told me. But, I trust John, and I believe it was innocent. After all, we’ve been together for two years, and I know John. John loves people and loves to be out and about. I get it. I just wish he would try to keep it try gender-neutral and not always have a female colleague that I don’t recognize with him. Too much to ask? I think not.

If it feels shady or wrong, and you might give people the opportunity to talk negatively about it, just don't do it. 

Dorinda Medley

My philosophy is simple: If it feels shady or wrong, and you might give people the opportunity to talk negatively about it, just don't do it. Fair, right? I wish he understood this better. In fact, I wish a lot of people understood this better. People love to talk and loooooooooooove to stir the pot. Why give them a pot to stir in the first place? Remember: If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck. I know John is no duck, but not everyone else does.

I will say this, though: The girls came out in full force for me. Especially Lady Morgan. I really, really, REALLY appreciate that. Loyal girlfriends rock! I love my girls.

Anyway, I need a nap, because I’m already anxious about what’s coming up next week.

Have a great weekend! MUAH!

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