Ramble On

London calling! We’re closing in on the hotly contested trip across the pond, but before we discuss the five big moments this week. I just want to say that the first three lines of this episode really thrilled me.

Carole: I had a sugar cookie this morning.
Aviva: Really, I eat one hard-boiled egg every day.
Ramona: Oh my gosh I didn’t even see you approaching I was so engrossed in the menu.

What an odd and auspicious beginning! Let’s go from there shall we?

No Conversation Is a Staten Island
We open with Carole, Aviva, and Ramona having lunch. Ramona brought presents (her own skincare products) and wants to keep it intimate -- hence no Heather. The topic does immediately turn to her though, with Carole tossing out that, yes, maybe Heather does talk too much. Ramona doesn't let that little bon mot fly by without taking this as an opportunity to define that "a conversation is a two way exchange" and use hand motions (glorious fluid hand motions) to fully drive the point home.

Battle of the Talkers

My favorite part of this whole dining experience, however, was not that Ramona and Heather were having a possibly fence-mending drinks. Nope, it was that Ramona was not going to let Carole Radziwill starve to death. Get the woman a double portion by god. She’s hungry! Two pastas for the princess. Ramona's guests always leave satiated!

Anyway, who knows if Heather and Ramona's talk will smooth things over, or if there's a ball gag, a sexy bandana, and a talking intervention in her future (for her sake, I'm hoping not).

Wait, one more thing: in the airing of grievances against Heather, the ladies are also peeved her assistant is answering personal emails. What of this fans? Is this efficient or bad etiquette? Have your assistant leave your vote in the comments.

Queens (LuAnn and Sonja)
There's something delightfully endearing about Sonja and LuAnn's friendship. They just seem to like each other -- making jokes about oysters, calling each other nicknames (Lu!). Perhaps it's also adorable because they are having an "affair" (I'm a sucker for a tawdry bit of espionage). At the end of the day no one controls Sonja (not even her intern as we see later in the episode when they soon try to make a voicemail message). But Lu wants to be sure that the Ms. Drink Stirrer is not having her light extinguished by Ramona's forceful nature. Sonja is a little tired of Ramona giving her advice that feels like orders, but she still loves Ramo. Thus Sonja is stuck in an endless ping pong game, which makes her dizzy. One wonders how long this endless volleying can last?

As promised here is what it's like to wake up as Sonja Morgan in the morning. It involves horse pills, chocolate shakes, and an intern. Two out of seven of her toilets are clogged people. She has no time for your rambling voicemails.

Bonus NYC neighborhood: Wall Street
Carole Radziwill loves body painting, yet ponders if she's in the one percent at a visit to Occupy Wall Street. That is a sentence I just typed. . . .Carry on Carole.

Brooklyn or BROOK-LIN
Finally, Heather and Ramona sit down for drinks. Things start out semi-promising. The ladies bond over a love of the pronunciation of "hummus." Ramona should be packing her bags for London in no time! However, things did not continue well. . .Ramona doesn't feel natural around Heather. Heather's dubious of Ramona's ability to feel. Moreover, Ramona is aghast that Heather's assistant has not replied to an invite to her award ceremony (some assistant!). There's some serious tension as the women dawdle with their Blackberries and then Ramona is out like a shot. Oh brother. This can't bode well for the next time they see each other.

Meanwhile, Heather invites LuAnn to London. Lu thinks it's especially "gangsta chic" that Heather didn't invite Ramona. I'm not sure that's what "gangsta chic" is definied as, but I'll go with it for this purpose. LuAnn is a it worried about getting Sonja across the pond without her blonde Bobsey twin, but stranger things have happened.

Unfortunately, despite Heather’s literally hand-holding of Aviva she's not going to make it to London. Those machines! Always keeping Aviva away from transcontinental travel.

Manhattan Major Moment
Let's move to something more fabulous shall we? Sonja was having a fete to celebrate her cover appearance on Socialite Life magazine. Everyone who is anyone is invited -– including Sonja's "future ex-husband," i.e. her niece's boyfriend (love you S, don't ever change).

After Mario nearly botches Aviva's wedding ring surprise, Carole arrives wearing a cape. But instead of talking immediately about her outfit and the powers it surely posses, The Countess begins to talk about some count or another. Carole wonders if Lu has Royal Turrets syndrome. If so I would like to be diagnosed with it. Princess Grace of Monacco! Count Basie! Count Chocula!

Then Heather arrives, leading Ramona to drop a little hint (like an elephant-sized hint) about making parties inclusive. Ramona wonders though (This is how Ramona wonders: "Lightbulb on my head! Pinot on my head!) if perhaps it flew by Heather though. Ah, the message seemed to be received.

Unfortunately, there's a communication breakdown when it comes to Ramona and Sonja. Ramona can't understand why Sonja would go without her. Why would she decide to ride the double decker bus without her partner in crime? But Sonja doesn't understand why everyone has to be included always.

Ramona Not Invited

And so Ramona leaves, but not before taking a bathroom break with Mario. Mario tries to calm Ramona, who calls Sonja an "airhead" and says she has "diarrhea of the mouth." Yikes. These two can't fight! It makes my heart hurt!

What will happen next? We’ll have to make like Carole and stick close to Ramona next week to see. Hopefully there will be no sample sale dresses to continue to drive the women apart. Or perhaps since Heather just doesn't "give a s--t,"it will be a free for all of dresses and fighting and more dresses. Tune-in next week to see!