Hello fashion-forward friends. Welcome back to London-gate. Let's sort this out before we hop across the pond next week, shall we.
Brooklyn Heather Goes Hard
After The Countess dubs someone "Gangsta Chic," one can't help but wonder just how deep that well of toughness goes. This week we find out just what Heather's made of as she deals with the hurls of Aviva re: the Ramona situation. On yet another Central Park bench the ladies discuss alliances and dirt bikes. Aviva doesn't want Heather to think she's "Team Anyone," but she does want Heather to know that maybe she's earned the "excluder" title. Heather's response -- BRING IT. She could literally give a s—t as she says. Yeah, I think that qualifies as "gangsta"
Heather's curious as to when "Avivies" (cutest nickname ever) became Ramona's butt buddy. I guess we'll figure out how deep their love is at the upcoming downtown shopping excursion.
Note, Heather's son Jax is also pretty gangster. Way to go kiddo.
The Art of Eastern (like Queens) Medicine
IVF, please, not for our Lu. She's going to get pregnant the old fashion way -- with acupuncture, Chinese herbs, and "lots of sex." Sadly, the Countess' jovial manner was lost on our dear needle doctor (is that a nickname for acupuncturists?) and she doesn't call Jacques immediately for more witty banter. (I would have, I love nothing more than when the Coutness gets a little bawdy.)
Luann, not taking the art of comedy lying down.
Thankfully while the Housewives and European wine jokes didn’t stir anything in the doctor, LuAnn felt the pins stir something in her ovaries, so all is not lost!
No Women is a Staten Island
Sonja Morgan is many things. She is newly a lover of bow blouses, a forgiver, a party planner, and most of all she is a shaman to the young career-focused generation. At a tete-a-tete with Aviva we learn that she's moved on from the whole Socialite Life hullabaloo, freeing up her fret schedule and thereby allowing her to cater Aviva and Reid's fifth anniversary party. But it's only mere days after she returns from London. Is there anyone who can help her?
As it turns out, there are. There's a veritable legion of interns at her disposal (one to three per day). Without these young upstarts, who would feed Sonja her vitamins? Who would cash her under $2 checks from American Express? Who would help her create the perfect Christian Mingle profile? And aren't they learning as well? Isn't the Sonja Morgan School of Hard Knocks a touchstone institution at which growing men and women can study and excel? Methinks so. Methinks so.
Bronx Love Pun? Or Princess Pun
Speaking of Christian Mingle and dating, here's Carole Radziwill on a date. Of course they meet at one of Sonja's parties. And now this international, fashion hound is taking our girl to drinks. If you'll remember Russ, they're totally open about seeing other folks. So it's NBD that she and this "rare species" are getting to know each other.
I personally think this guy is a keeper. He didn't Google her, he's a little funny in the bathroom, and he's focused on the present. What more can you ask for in a man? You rock that leopard jacket and this relationship Carole. You go girl!
Besides being a minx, Carole is also a princess. Oh did you not know? Yes that adorable bag of bones in the varsity jacket making sure that Ramona eats before she gets edgy and doesn't fall on steps is royalty. In an effort to keep Ramona from falling to far down a Heather-hatred hole, Carole changes the subject to her lineag, which always seems to work when I have a problem. I just change the subject to my role as a. . .nobody.
Manhattan Major Moment
And we finally arrive at our downtown shopping excursion. What Ramona didn't know, is that Heather had planned this as a makeover! Ramona is not feeling this idea from the get-go. She likes her "satin strapless thing" just fine, thanks Heather. She doesn't want your s--t kicking shoes (I guess Heather has those because she "doesn't give a s--t" as we earlier asserted). After the fashion intervention does not go as planned, Ramona pulls Heather aside for an intervention of her own. She’s ready to clear the air once and for all about London.
Unfortunately for Aviva, that conversation begins with Ramona telling Heather that she heard she was upset about the "talking too much comment." Yikes. Did someone ask for a bus? Because the one that Aviva just got thrown under is here.
At the end of the day, Heather lays it out -- she just doesn't like Ramona. Burn. Ramona doesn't want to be Heather'’s friend until she starts being "real" -- however one wonders if she does get real and just tells R she doesn't like her how that could pan out. Then maybe they could be the kind of friends that just don’t like each other. Those friendships exist right?
After a clothing break, Carole shines some good news down on her fellow 'Wives. Her novel is potentially being turned into a TV show. Everyone is so excited, particularly Ramona who pogo sticks over to mention that she's going to have her wine in Target. Well that's good too. Everyone wins.
Next week the women finally make it to London. What will Aviva and Ramona do while their friends and frenemies are away? How many questions will Ramo have about A's leg? What does Heather lose her mind about? What are Heather's new glasses? Leave your guess in the comments.