Cast Blog: #RHONY

The Singer Stinger

Ramona on Her Divorce From Mario

Carole on Elitists and Bitches

Heather Says That's a Wrap

Sonja: Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously

The Countess: Sonja and I Are on the Outs

Aviva Says Bye for Now

Kristen on Surviving Her First Season

LuAnn: For Ramona Ignorance Is Bliss

Who Cares How Carole Wrote Her Book?

Carole on Stupid Things You've Heard on Bravo

Aviva's "Foul Ignorance"

Kristen: Ramona's Out of Touch with Reality

Sonja Is Very Private

Ramona on the Grueling Reunion

LuAnn: Sonja Is Off the Rails

Heather: Et tu Ramona Singer?

Aviva on Kristen's "Gatemouth" Look

Kristen: Sonja Could Be Successful

Sonja's Glad Aviva Threw Her Leg

Carole: Waiter, We're Done

Ramona: Aviva's Leg Scared All of Us

Heather Focuses on What Matters

LuAnn: Sonja Only Has Herself to Blame

What Else Does Aviva Have in That Bag?

Aviva: Leggy Blonde

God Gave me a Great Ass and His Approval

Sonja on Her Harry Situation with LuAnn

Ramona: Where Did the Time Go With Avery?

Heather Tips to Plan a Party for Carole

Aviva Rises Above the Nonsense

Love Kristen Tender

Sonja and Harry Aren't Good for Each Other

Ramona: Mario's Voice Is So Sexy

Aviva Defends Her Asthma

Heather's Sasha Fierce Moment

Nothing Is Too Romantic for Sonja

LuAnn: I Sing When I Feel Like Singing

Kristen: This Show Has Helped My Marriage

Carole: Oh Beautiful for Spacious Skies. . .

Ramona: Just Don't Ask Me to Go Every Year

The Singer Stinger

Episode 7: Bravotv.com's Editor relishes in the absurdity of bidet baths and mobile fights.

Before I even begin to recap this episode, I have to just address the general absurdity of this episode. I mean, the fine women of New York have really topped themselves. Has an episode every started as blissfully and strangely as hence, where are opening line is: “I’m going to ice my face, I gotta do this in the bidet” (and the way Sonja says “bidet” is incredible).

From there we learn an important lesson: there are three purposes for a bidet -- lingerie washing, face icing, and of course it’s explicit purpose.

I am just going to go on record now and say if there is any one in the world that does not love Sonja Morgan now, they have no soul at all. She is a divine creature sent from the cosmos to entertain us.

From there Carole accuses The Countess of stealing her look. This all happened in the first three minutes people. Seriously!

OK, back to your regularly scheduled recap. . .

No Woman is a Staten Island. . . Unless She Has a Vibrator
As I said we’re running at Ridiculous Level Orange, so it’s only fitting that Carole attempts to gently chide LuAnn for waking her up so early by threatening that she could have seen her pleasuring herself if she had arrived a little earlier. Yes. I believe that’s why wake up calls have become the more traditional way to wake people up. Surprisingly that bit of overshare doesn’t silence Lu. Nope it starts an episode long contest between Carole and LuAnn to see who could get that final word in. The Royal War ranged over a breadth of topics -- childbirth, competition, Valium -- and throughout a rousing Heathers-like game of croquet and to dinner. But speaking of croquet . . .

Brooklyn Nets Croquets
Ah croakie. What a sport right? It’s one of the few athletic events that allows you to wear full length gowns and sip champagne without impeding your ability to play in the slightest. Hence why lovely, jovial old-men in green pinstripe suits are perfect shamans of the sport -- this sport doesn’t favor the young.

Of course, this little game turned into a face-off between Lu and Carole, with Carole reigning triumphant in her fur shrug. I was just waiting to see LuAnn’s head in the grass Winona Ryder-style. It was seriously a little tense.

Brief pause: Sonja Morgan wants to tell you how to remove a glove sensually. . . Typical stuff around here.

And back, sports were also the topic at dinner, with Carole casually mentioning that she was also the star running back of her high school (to top LuAnn’s softball boasts). But it was when the topic of childbirth and writing comes up. LuAnn doesn’t care what Carole thinks about ugly babies, she believes childbirth is more difficult. And that’s the straw, when The Countess gets up for the bathroom the floodgates are opened. The women unload their thoughts and feelings on her attitude -- including a surprising grievance about her tall girl nature. Apparently she’s always rushing into rooms when it’s not her turn. I’d love to go to the video tape on this. I have not noticed her charging ahead as a tall person, but as a vertically challenged person I’m offended. We are literally always getting the short end of the stick so if the Countess isn’t respecting our stature, we need to talk.

When she returns Carole tries to cat her into confrontation. When that doesn’t work Heather just tells LuAnn point blank (when Carole and Sonja run to the loo). Instead that turns into a weird conversation about Ramona and cutting people out of her life. Oh well. . .

Queen of Pop Performance
Back in the States, it’s time for Aviva’s big anniversary get together. After calling in Ramona from the reserves to help plan a touch, and Sonja ensuring that the menu was perfect and the chairs were arranged in an appropriate non-committal fashion, all was right.

Err sort of. The women seemed to have a hard time finding food, but other then that the party seemed to be going swimmingly. Here Aviva and Reid are taking the stage while Sonja presents the musical guest. Oops, slight fumble on the stairs dismount for Aviva (and, no, it was her good legs fault). But she quickly recovers, and this musical act will surely smooth things over.

There's been a few strange performances in Housewives history, but this might near the top of my list. . .first there was all that hub-bub about the sound-check, then the touching, then the dancers. "Do it, do it now." Do what? Grind suggestively?

Thankfully, the couple's adorable speeches made up for the questionable song choice -- even if Aviva blew up his spot for calling in a speech writer.

Bronx is Burning. . . Don't Bother to Evacuate
Lesson learned: in case of emergency, keep calm and continue ordering a drink. Thanks for the fire safety tips, 'Wives! Vodka and club soda, with a splash of grapefruit please.

Manhattan Major Moment: The Traveling Confrontation
After all that lovey dovey goodwill, Heather starts gabbing with Mario. Surely this means the Cold War of Heather v. Ramona right? Nope, Ramona begins off the bat by accusing Heather of being a liar. After a quick one-two punch (verbally) Ramona walks off. But Heather's not having it. She's not finished with the Ramonacoaster until she's taken the full ride -- so she trots right after her. . .multiple times. They literally took the show on the road, which might be a first in 'Wives fights. I don't recall ever seeing ladies make such tracks mid-tiff.

In the most shocking twist, Ramona uses this moment to tell LuAnn that she'd rather fight with her any day. Well, that's a twist. They even hugged. Are your feet cold, because maybe hell just froze over.

Next week, things get more wonderfully zany when Aviva sets Sonja up on a date -- with her dad.

Sonja: Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously

Sonja explains why she and Ramona are family, why she's hiring Aviva, and why LuAnn is still her friend.

At this point, I am numb to the whole BookGate debate. I am not on anyone's side, I just hope that both books are bestsellers and that Carole and Aviva are making enough money to pay the bills with their books because BookGate has definitely taken an emotional toll on their friendship. I know that they were close and had great times together. In fact, Carole was once the godmother to Aviva's daughter. How can this come between them? Such contention over the accusations! I don't know why they let it get so heated. It's not worth it! I just hope that they can forgive each other at some point. As you get to know someone, you get to see their strengths and weaknesses -- and you have to accept those if you're going to be friends.

I was surprised when the girls laughed at me discussing my ability to forgive and voicing my Christianity. I think that it is one of the reasons that I can live my own life and not worry about everyone else's or the grass being greener. It's all relative. We are on Earth for such a short time. I am enjoying every day of my life. I am grateful for the family and friends that I have and my beautiful daughter.

I have so much more than many other people, and I remind myself of that every day with the charity work that I do. That's why I feel so much more comfortable working with artists, animals, the LGBT, and children. It's such a sensitive, caring, and loving place to be. I love my Sonja In The City event planning business because it lets me be me -- an artist and a promoter -- while helping others reach their highest capabilities. Plus I get to do all that while helping me get my daughter through school in a stable environment. It keeps me connected to the movers and shakers who help me manage my investments. I love to produce and to contribute. It makes me feel good.

I believe some of the women fail to take me seriously because I only show them my party side. There is a private side to me that most people don't see, because they only see me out at social events and while I'm entertaining. I throw a lot of events, so a lot of people only see that side, as it's my business and the way I broker some of my deals.

It is amazing how moms like Heather find strength to do dealing with their children's issues, like her son's health and hearing loss. It's what we do with loved ones. We do it with marriage partners too! I surprised myself when my ex had a terrible accident and I was called upon to deal with all of the doctors, therapists, and financial advisors.

I dont feel that Ramona called Aviva vile. She said that she had a vile side. That's different!

I'm not upset that Ramona spoke behind my back about my financial problems. She's human, and I spoke my feelings then and we worked through it the way that family does. We have too much water under the bridge to let opinions or men get in between us.

Heather questioning the legitimacy of my friendship with Ramona is just silly. She knows that we have been friends forever and whatever I have said about Ramona I have told her to her face. Heather knows this very well -- since I'm very upfront about my feelings with her.

The girls saying that Aviva's leg throw was staged is silly. I let Aviva know that everyone was saying she was fake. Even if she plans to throw it on the table to make a point, that doesn't make it staged. It just means she was pushed to a limit. I thought she was hilarious. After all, it was a private party in the back room. We weren't in the actual restaurant. Aviva doesn't go around throwing her leg around in normal restaurant situations. Maybe she and I should take her act on the road! A real dog and pony show! I always said I was a performer, a comedian, and a producer. At my Sonja In The City parties, now we can include Aviva as part of the show!

My overall thoughts of the season was that the reunion had more drama. I felt the season flip-flopped around quite a bit. Harry and I will always have a very strong relationship, just as Ramona and Aviva will always be in my life. Aviva's son Harrison is like my family.

Ramona was definitely going through something this season. I let her know I was upset, but I can't change her and she can't change me. We accept each other the way we are and we work our differences out.

I didn't know LuAnn was going through a breakup. She never shared that with me, and I was getting upset that she wasn't trusting my friendship and was blaming me for everything. I didn't give any credence to any of the rumors that were going around town through the salon that Satoko worked at. Kristen and I just asked the facialist to tell us for fun. I can't stop LuAnn from running out of parties with my guys -- just like I can't stop Harry from taking off and leaving me because he knows I want commitment and he wants to fool around. But that doesn't mean LuAnn's not my friend and that I can't speak my mind in front of her, and it doesn't mean that Harry isn't someone that I love as well.

I hope that you found the season entertaining. I hope that you don't take yourself too seriously! And when the naysayers back you into the corner, just say what Glinda the Good Witch said to the Wicked Witch of the West "Be off with you, your black magic doesn't work here!"

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