Carole Radziwill

Carole wonders when one should stop splashing, why she's a bullsh-- bisexual, and how many times one can say "Who does that?"

on May 14

I have to start this blog by telling you that Heather is a great water skier. She gets up on one-ski. Easily. LuAnn too. It's too bad we don't to see them skiing in this episode. We ran out of videotape. We used it all on our pontoon boat dance moves. But trust me, if water skiing was an Olympic sport Heather would medal. (She made me say that. She's standing over me as I write this. She's bigger than me.)

Hair, Bears and Berries, Oh My
OK, so don't poke a sleeping lion, or a blow-dried Ramona. Got it? I think we're all clear on that now. What we aren't clear on is the use of the word "provoke." To provoke is a verb but the –ing form of the word provoking, which is what Heather said, could be used as an adjective. It's like saying, she is annoying. Annoying clearly is the adjective in that sentence. But who cares.

What is your favorite Housewife line? Mine is, "Who does that?" We all say it. Every Housewife in every city has said it at least 17 times during her reign. If it were the secret word on WWHL how many times would we hear it in one episode? An entire season? We'd all be blackout drunk.

Kristen legit split her lip when Ramona threw a glass at her and Ramona allegedly split her lip on a shotgun. I think every girl needs a good lip split story, I have one. I fell onto my front door doorknob coming back from the mailbox, once. I was a bloody mess, I could have put my lip in a box ala Ginsberg on Mad Men, but instead I had it stitched and looked like a street fighter for three days. Sonja said she splits her lips all the time, I don't even want to imagine how she does that. Heather split her nose last year in St. Barth's. Lu could probably stitch her own split lip up one-handed in the dark while serving dessert. Did you remember LuAnn was a nurse? I'd forgotten. She is great in a pinch.

The Hair-Lip Controversy
There was clearly some disagreement around the hierarchy of hair and lips. Ramona is of the school where hair triumphs all. I can certainly appreciate the value of a good blow-dry, but this was a tricky one. Sonja sided with hair. Heather, LuAnn, and I went with lip. You can fix hair faster than you can fix a fat lip, and of course there's the blood.

As is the rule in these things, an apology must be squeezed out of someone and it rarely comes without pain. Kristin isn’t ready to accept it. Her lip was still throbbing, and there's the blood blister to consider. The funny thing about apologies is it seems that everyone has them. My wise Grandma Millie used to say you can't ask God for a bike but you can steal one and ask His forgiveness. That's how apologies are to me. Don't steal the damn bike.