Carole Radziwill

Carole discusses Ramona's skills with SAT prep, an alternate day of the ladies going to prison, and pens an ode to Millou.

on May 28

After a quick outfit change, Kristen meets the girls at Wink and here's my favorite line again: Who does that? Housewives do it, that's who. And no one does it better. There's nothing more riveting than a contractually obligated Housewife sit-down. I thought the flowers were a nice touch. But Ramona, if you ever need to send me flowers (I hope you don't), I like pink peonies.

Lu had to give serious thought to the thrown glass, and appropriate nicknames. RamonaMonster, StingerSinger, Pinotpolar, Ramonacoaster, Crazy Eyes. Ramonify the House. My daughter this, my daughter that. . .I want a daughter to get out of doing things. And also to guilt into spending holidays with me when I'm 80 and cranky, and hopefully senile.

Twittering Assistants
I’ve been very busy keeping track of my bad dates and turning my kitchen into an office, as you can see. I actually have a real fulltime job. No one gets to see it. You only get to see me talk to boys while I eat. I spend a lot of time at my publisher's office and I spend a lot of time sitting with my laptop in my chair, working on writing and publishing my next book. Riveting. Next season, each time I have a business meeting or wild writing binge, I'll show up with camel toe or make my tooth fall out so I can be sure it gets on the show. It used to be enough to just be drunk. Now body parts have to fall. Literally.

Ramona's the perfect foil in my search for an assistant. If the wine business goes bust, she could have a nice career as an SAT prep teacher.

Ramona is having a signing tomorrow. 300 people are expected and there is only one case of wine. The assistant rides her bike to the wine store at an average of 8 miles per hour and returns by the same route, traveling at 5 miles per hour. The roundtrip took 2 hours. How many bottles did the assistant buy?