These are a Few of My Favorite Things
Sometimes a storyline is so ridiculous it makes writing this blog seem like walking through a field of daisies on a perfect summer day with my best friend. 25 million Americans suffer from asthma (I googled, so I know) and we're pretty sure Aviva isn’t one of them. No one believes she has asthma, not even Ramona. Let's face it. She has a poor track record with this group. Last year she was addled with phobias so severe, she couldn't leave her apartment without her husband wound round her arm. This year her phobias disappeared. (Heather brought this up and Aviva told her to shut-up about phobias. She said that was last season. You can't make this stuff up it's so dumb.)
By the way, Boise, Idaho is one of the "best cities for asthma sufferers" (I googled that, too, so I know, again). Boise is about 300 miles from where we were enjoying the clean air of Missoula.
So while Aviva dazzles you with Legionnaire's and asthma, I'm going to match her two respiratory conditions and raise her an emotional disorder. So back up bitches because here comes Munchausen! It's my all-time favorite syndrome.
She has it, I'm positive. She gets attention from her medical ailments -- endless TV time to discuss her problems with cheery friends in ancient salted soaking tubs, and even to catatonic husbands in modern yellow-papered living rooms. Isn't listening to someone talk about her severe to moderate asthma riveting? And to think you watched that but not Kristen's full body wax -- which, having witnessed myself, I assure you was much better television.
Even Dr. Oz did an entire hour on Munchausen. It's trendy! Yes, this year I came back as a TV doctor too. Why not? If we're just making stuff up now, I'm a doctor. OK, fine, I'm not a doctor, I'm not even a shrink. I'm not a pornographer either but I know it when I see it.
The Antlers and……
No one in their right mind would rappel 165 feet off a cliff. True. But none of us are in our right minds. For one, we're on a reality show. Kristen is a cry baby. But it does look scary as hell. Heather is a natural athlete. She runs with the big dogs. LuAnn is a superhero. They all are.
Sonja may have replaced Ramona for foot-in-mouth disease. Ramona has replaced Sonja for lopsided boobs. And I'm a good student. Cowboy Paul is a good instructor. And he doesn't take any crap from these ladies. I like that.
My facialist said I hooked up with Cowboy Paul.
So, I've Geocached before. This wasn't new to me. It's very popular out west, it's very popular all over. Check it out. There's a cache in your neighborhood. There's a cache 50 ft. from my apartment in New York. What we were doing wasn't real geocaching. I admit I got bored. I should have had four beers at lunch, spoken softly (I do!), and carried a big stick.
And just as I'm thinking this Kristen uses the "B" word. No, not Bitch. It's the third worst thing you can be on the show. Bossy. Stay tuned next week for the word that launched the Hatfield–McCoy feud.
As you all know by now, Bravo upgraded their website design. So before I go I want to thank everyone who took time to comment on the blogs. I've enjoyed reading them. Even the mean ones were funny -- especially when commenters fought each other over the meaning of what was said on the show. As you all say on twitter, IMO. I agree. Keep watching, and reading.
Until next week, please remember the Three Simple Rules of Etiquette for Peeing in the Woods: Find Privacy. Be Prepared. Stay Uphill.