Cast Blog: #RHONY

Carole on Fight Club Rule #2

Carole reminds her Housewives of the importance of an invite and shares the poem she wrote for Heather and Jonathan's anniversary.

Fight Club Rule #2
Remember, last season, my Real Housewives Fight Club Rule #2: Invite me to your party.

Our little world thrives on party invites, it's an integral and recurring theme. Any show that has "party non-invite" as its central conflict drums up the operatic high drama of a good Russian novel. It's the Real Housewives' Crime and Punishment: first the horror of a non-invitation, and then the shattering aftermath.

Heather's anniversary celebration was fantastic. It's inspiring to be around a couple like her and Jonathan, they're solid. They have great friends, and are generally the most fun couple I've had the pleasure to spend time with.

Outside of that, what's to say? Threesomes pair well with caviar. Ramona watched lion porn in Africa. Vivs still goes on and on with her rules, and her nonsensical analogies. I could go on and on telling you all the ways she was unsupportive of me but you've heard it and I don't want to bore the life out of everyone. She doesn't seem to mind.

Lu is still trying to figure out why we can't just all eat paella. Kristen seduced Elvis, and Ramona makes fluffy eggs.

Did I miss anything? Oh yeah, I dated George Clooney. Someone had to.

Jonathan asked me to write something for his and Heather's anniversary party. And like so many scenes where we are supportive, and not complaining about each other, it got cut. If you read it out loud with an accent it rhymes. Here it is:

Ten Years
You're Super-wife to Jon,
and Yummie Mummie to Ella and Jax,
A friend to wayward Mermaid Queens,
An upstate girl, with big city dreams.

You can roll tough with Puffy, and still giggle with the girls.
Ride motorbikes in denim, or rock a black dress and pearls.
You always do what is right, and not just what's popular.
You tell people your mind, without judgment or gossip-er.
You're serious in business, yet playful in life.
Met Jon on a beach, now you're husband and wife.

Like the Eagle and the Hummingbird,
the Lion and Lamb,
the Athlete and the Spectator,
Or Peanut butter, and jam
I draw from your strengths.
For our differences I give thanks
But also, for your cheshire cat smile
and those three-paneled tanks.

Cheers to your wonderful husband,
and your beautiful marriage,
and to our vodka-fueled cherry bombs.
and a friendship I chair-ish.

Did you notice this episode is all about S-E-X. Who’s doing it? Who’s not doing it? Who is doing what with whom? To read more about S-E-X get my new novel, The Widows Guide to Sex & Dating. Thank you!

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Dorinda: Sonja Is a Trip

Dorinda talks about meeting the other ladies and explains why she was nervous to meet Bethenny.

OMG, I’m on again! Is this really going to happen every week?! Funny how I’m still freaked out by myself on TV…

As you may or may not know, I am not a Hamptons girl; I am #TeamBerkshires. But hey, this could be fun too, right? As close as Ramona and I are, I have never actually stayed or even seen her home on the beach, so I was excited to go. Meeting Lady Morgan was a nice little adventure, too. She’s so beautiful. And I can totally see why Ramona gets flustered with her and her tendency to monopolize a conversation. But Sonja is a trip. I really like her.

Luann’s estate sale was something, huh? In the Berkshires, we call it a tag sale. Not as fancy, but much more real. After 22 years, it’s got to be hard to see the home where you raised your kids and built a family be taken apart and sold to strangers. But it was time for Luann to move on and write the next fabulous chapter of her life, as well as unburden herself of the past. (I need to start thinking about doing some of that in my life in Great Barrington. As my Mom would say, “Only when you’re good and ready, and not before that.”) I was excited to see Luann’s new house and watch her new beginnings flourish. I’m so proud of her.

So this was the weekend to reconnect with the girls I knew and meet the "new girls” I hadn’t met. Meeting Kristen and Carole was a breeze. They strolled into the estate sale with Heather and were as kind and as a welcoming as I expected them to be. Very, very sweet. I have to admit, I was a little nervous to meet the whole gang (operative word: gang), but I figured my closet helps me keep up with the best of them, and for this weekend, it was all “Hamptons Country Chic.”

At the cocktail party that night, I finally met Bethenny…at last! I was excited and a bit nervous, since she has quite the reputation. And all the good things I’ve heard…they were right! All the girls seemed happy to see her, but there was some sort of weird tension with Ramona that I didn’t really understand. It was almost like a Mexican standoff —a designer standoff, but a stand off. I was surprised to see Ramona “KellyBensimoning” Bethenny. It was weird and pretty tense, to be honest. It appeared to be about some brunch plans on a Sunday, but beneath the surface, it felt more like a timeless power struggle. Not comfortable with all that, and I’d hoped the next day would go smoother after it was all sorted out.

Honestly, I don't care where I go to brunch, as long as there’s food and good company. After that night, I was mostly concerned with getting through the weekend and making friends and/or figuring out who I had to keep my eye on. Ideally, I wanted to have a fun girls' weekend, not have to be the "hostess with the mostest" for once, and just get to relax...NOT!

For me, that weekend was mainly about supporting Ramona and really letting her know that I was there—that we were all there—for her, and that I understand what she is going through. After a long, happy marriage, divorce is a real bitch. Part of you dies. It’s that serious. Especially after 25 years…that’s a quarter-century! As much as I am so sad Richard is no longer here, I know it’s over, it’s ended, it’s done. I have to go on without him. In a weird way, this allows me a freedom to cope with what’s in front of me and continue with a new life. With divorce, you don’t have that “luxury.” (Weird way of putting it, but there’s a peace that comes with a solidified, unchangeable event that has no tomorrow.) Divorce, of course, keeps two people going, rebuilding their lives, and you know all about it. Whether through friends or social media—or even tabloids, in some cases. You know about their next act. It can be really difficult. After a divorce, you have to untangle your life emotionally and financially with expensive lawyers and sometimes in the public eye, though in front of family and close friends can sometimes be more draining than a tabloid can be.

In the end, if there ever really is an end to a divorce, you end up splitting your life up in half… (but it’s really “half of the half,” because the lawyers took most of it), only to run into the bastard in the grocery store with a new woman two weeks later. That’s a pretty crappy situation. You know what they say, "Sometimes good things fall apart, so better things can fall together." All true, but boy…the process sure is daunting!

Signing off, see you next week!
xxx

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