Dorinda: I Was Not Going to Deal With More Accusations

Dorinda explains why she hightailed it out of Kristen's bedazzling party.

Remember that scene in 30 Rock where Liz Lemon does that over-emphatic eye roll? Yeah…my eyes are rolling so much, I’ve had a headache for four days. “OH BROTHER…” So let’s analyze our historic Turks and Caicos adventure some more, shall we? #SNOOZE

It’s quite simple: Was it smart or considerate to let a stranger pass out in an empty guest room? No. Not at all. Thanks, Ramona. Is it necessary to go on a “What if?” crusade and cause such a disturbance (for the sake of having a disturbance about the fear of a hypothetical or potential disturbance)? No. (You see? Complex and complicated for NO reason.) And that’s the point that everyone is realizing.

What if my jewelry had been stolen?

What if he would’ve watched us while we slept?

What if he forgot to flush the toilet?

What if… (You get the point?)

Of course, had something awful happened, it would have been absolutely horrible and terrifying, I get that. And THAT point needed to be made. But making a point and making an EVENT out of a point are two very different things. Nothing happened. A drunk man slept in an empty room, in an empty bed, and left his clothes on the floor. Had Naked Man still been in the room, sleeping, naked, mannish, then perhaps a little excitement and anxiety would’ve been in order. But Naked Man—who apparently goes by other names: Smart Man, Civil Man, and Married Man—heard the commotion and bailed out of that burning mansion and onto his pedicab ride of shame back to his little resort. So this should’ve been a normal, civil, emotionally stable conversation between the girls after everyone woke up. But instead, it was hammed up, and Heather and Carole paraded around the house like it was a drug bust in a jail cell. Not even the guards were this excited when two murderers cut through steel and crawled through walls to escape out of a maximum security prison. Everyone was safe. Period. (And hungover.) Let’s give thanks, hug it out, help me find my contacts, and pack our bags to head home. I mean, am I right?!

Now, let’s just wrap up this “F--- You Dinner.”

I hold myself accountable at all times and even admitted that I drank too much that night. But I also want to be clear about this: I was genuinely hurt and simply didn’t appreciate Heather bringing up my daughter, my boyfriend, my mother, and then almost patronize me to calm me down. Was I wound up? Yes. Do I get a little paranoid if I don’t hear things entirely or very clearly? Yes. Does the Martini Express f--- me up sometimes? Yes. Am I a lunatic? No. And though Bethenny made some reasonably valid points, I think it’s fair for anyone to get defensive if their family and/or loved ones get dragged into a conversation for the sake of making a pointless point. I know Skinny Girl —like The Countess, Princess Carole, Madame Yummie, Lady Morgan, and The RamonaCoaster—doesn’t tolerate when her personal life is judged and her “ethics” and “values” are questioned. So why the double standard?

Now, this bedazzling party at Manny’s—where all I wanted was a damn pizza and wasn’t focused, so I just glued whatever I saw around me, coasters be damned—I was simply NOT going to deal with rehashing and more accusations and pointing, wagging fingers. I knew there were some axes to grind in the group, and I wanted to be on Sonja’s comedy train. I'm not lying, I'm just stunning with my love-glue-gunning, you know? But girls will be girls. Luann and Heather try to discuss…AGAIN…the issue, but ultimately, they’re not going to see eye-to-eye, and they’re speaking two different languages anyway.

The way I see it is this: To Lu, it was an invasion of her privacy and really not about Naked Man. To Heather, it was about her safety—and Carole’s jewelry—and not about Lu’s privacy. I just wish they could meet in the middle, but no…that would be normal. Can’t have that.

Heather was fired up from that, so she easily started being condescending to me, and I just didn’t want to deal with being upset over it again, so I bailed. (And I never got my pizza.) My mom always said, “Sorry goes a long long way. Its simple and covers so much.” She’s all about forgiveness. So, Heather: I’m sorry. I love you more than this issue. Let’s move on. I’m exhausted by it all, aren't you?

Meanwhile, my Yummie jeans for Smile Train are on eBay and I would LOVE for you guys to chip in and get yourself a new table cloth for your coffee tables with built-in coasters! Only a few days left! 

London is coming up, and this is going to be great. Seriously, it was my highlight of the experience, and I would do it again in a heartbeat! You will love it, trust me!

Until next week,
xx

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