Alexis Bellino

Alexis reflects on her dinner date with Tamra and Simon, and gives her seven rules for a successful marriage!

on Nov 11, 20090

 

Our double date with Tamra and Simon was so much fun! To be completely honest, the four of us did not stop laughing that entire night. It was so fun, light and happy. There was a short time during the evening that Tamra and Simon got into a discussion about Simon being too controlling. That was the only time I have ever witnessed anything about being 'controlling,' but I know that Tamra has claimed this a few times. Every relationship has its own set of issues. I like to say that every relationship goes through ebbs and flows. Sometimes there is an ebb, sometimes you are flowing ... The only advice I can give to someone who feels their significant other is being controlling is to talk it through. Every relationship needs counseling and needs to be reevaluated every so often, and if Tamra feels Simon is too controlling, they need to discuss this issue. I believe it's better to do this with a therapist because that way you can ensure BOTH sides are being heard. But it is apparent that some underlying issues are occurring in their relationship right now and I have the PERFECT person to help them resolve it.

It did not surprise me that Jim took Tamra's side during the dinner discussion, because I think Tamra was correct at that point too. Simon can't always be 'right' and he does need to be open-minded and have open ears. However, there is always more to a relationship than one instance, or one evening, and I believe that when someone says, "Have I ever been wrong?" they are going to be confronted. When Simon said to Tamra, "Have I ever been wrong about you?" he only set himself up for controversy.

I met my husband Jim at Palm Desert Springs Marriott six years ago on Memorial Day weekend. We have a lot of principles we live by, but to keep it short, I have put it into seven rules to make our marriage successful:

1. In our household, God is first, then each other, then our children.
2. Divorce is NEVER an option. We NEVER mention the "D" word, no matter how terrible our disagreement is.
3. We BOTH try 150% all the time. This ensures that our 100% is always being met. If both people only try 50%, there is usually a guarantee that your relationship is not at it's 100%.
4. We NEVER call each other names. You cannot take the words you say back - so don't say mean, hurtful things. (Fight healthy.)
5. We are in therapy at least once a month.
6. We have no secrets.
7. We do not have 'boys' night out' or 'girls' night out.'

The only thing I can say about Gretchen's comment about Lynne being a stricter parent is that based on what I have witnessed, I would not have allowed some of the things that have occurred with Lynne's daughters. Not only would I have grounded my child at that point, I would not have allowed some of the behaviors that I witnessed such as drinking, etc.

67 comments
kmcboston
kmcboston

her husband is a complete ass. degrading prick.

Huge Housewives Fan
Huge Housewives Fan

I Love OC Housewives! Like most everyone else who has commented, I think you are a wonderful addition to the show! Of course the show wouldnt be the same without the drama, but please stay your sweet self and dont let those fabulous beeyaches bring you down! Wishing you, and all the other Housewives, Peace, Love, and Happiness Always!

Leahfaith2010
Leahfaith2010

I love Alexis because she is a good woman!! She loves her husband and children!! She wants everyone to be together!! I love to see Christians on t.v.!! She's thankful and honest!! She's were I want to be in the future to come!! I myself have a 10 year old, new born and a 13 year old!! And I chose to follow my husbands ventures throughout my life!! I'm so happy there is someone like me out there in Hollywood even though I'm a African american, 6 feet christen, and a previous Orange county resident who attempts to do God's will in a positive light!! May God keep bless2010 your family!! Leahfaithfaith*****************

Texas Fan
Texas Fan

What a refresshing addition to the show!! I love the necklace. Please let me know where it came from.

Viewer Mary in TEXAS
Viewer Mary in TEXAS

I Love the design of your wedding ring!! I love unique designs. Did you design it yourself?

psychschool
psychschool

I enjoy the show. It is so far from my own reality of working full-time to make ends meet, but I do think I could enjoy the "housewifes" lifestyle if given the opportunity!!

Alexis, I admire your fitness routine. Making time in life for exercise is something I struggle with every day. I am curious about your diet and what you eat. You look great and it would be fun to have you share your diet tips with us.

Sherry
Sherry

Hi Alexis, You are a very sweet and smart woman!! You make a fabulous addition to the show and I wish you well in the future.

naylzz
naylzz

Alexis, It is so wonderful to see a christian family represented here. I agree with your 7 rules of successful marriage. I do not go out with the girls simply because I value the time I have with my husband so much that I would'nt want to take that away from us. I commend you for making a stand and at the same time would like you to be aware that "casting your pearls before the swine" or in other words, expecting non-christians to grasp christian beliefs may not always work in your favor. Do not let their judgments affect you and be careful to guard your heart so that they will not make you feel as though you are controlled. The bible says that wives should submit themselves unto their own husbands and that takes a lot of trust. We as christian women are willing to submit to our husbands because we know that we can trust them and they have our best interests at heart. I have been married to my husband for 24 years and it is a testimony of God's unchanging love and grace. I think the hardest thing for people to understand about being a submissive wife is that it does'nt mean that wives don't have a voice. In other words, we do have opinions and sometimes very stron ones. We can and should voice our opinions and may sometimes disagree with our husbands but in the longrun, there is nothing that Christian spouses can't work out by communicating and obeying the Word of God.

lisa031
lisa031

when did she say she was a christian?

15-er
15-er

Am a Christian women too! Agree with your rules. Its only been six years for you guys....so i hope you can say the same at year 10, 15, or 20.

BmoreFun
BmoreFun

Welcome to the show! You seem like a level headed, beautiful, centered Christian woman...something reality TV rarely showcases. I love your rules for a balanced marriage. #1 and #2 are unheard for many people in this day and age. In putting God first the rest will follow in kind. I gree up hearing to remember JOY - Jesus, Others, Youself. My only concern is the lack of me time or time out with your friends alone. Don't get me wrong date night with your husband and/or friends once a week or once a month is crucial but so are nights with the girls. Girls night to me does not entail clubs or excessive drinking but a gathering of like minded women. I find that sometime I receive my best advice from girlfriends on these type of nights. Everyone sharing personal experiences or advice on marriage, husbands, children etc. Don't ever put aside those wonderful femail friendships. The are enlightening and sometimes they keep up sane. But all in all, you seem wonderful. Keep up the great influence.

Roxanne9567
Roxanne9567

It's clear from the comments that this show gets a big middle-America following haha.

Ashley_3386
Ashley_3386

Um. Based on your 7 Rules you are THE most level headed housewife!!!

Cindy H
Cindy H

Yay! Welcome to the show Alexis. You are already becoming my new favorite! I adored Laurie and I will miss Jeana but it is so refreshing to see another lady in the mix. I think you are just what the show needs to bring a new perspective to living in the OC.

Casandra
Casandra

You look great. What is your diet like?

H Ferger
H Ferger

Already LOVING you; you're just what the show needed! I admire how you are so respectful and protective of your marriage and family. I also really appreciate how you wrote that God comes first in your family. I hope you rub off on the other housewives! Maybe they could see that it is possible to have good looks AND a soul.

P.S. I saw you're from Hannibal. We go to Mark Twain Lake ALL the time.

Megtx24
Megtx24

Need to know where the monogram necklace is from! So cute!

Viewercg
Viewercg

Your an amazing woman and you set the rules straight! God bless you!

Viewercg
Viewercg

You are an amazing person-I can already tell! I love your rules! My husband and I do the same. God will provide but don't forget Him. Maybe you can teach the other HW a thing or two about God. You are beautiful inside and out and I am so glad you are on the show. You are my favorite so far!

Smiley<3
Smiley<3

Lookin' forward to the rest of the season with you! Hopin' you're for real. Welcome and please tell Vicky to RELAX...she ain't perfect!

TN Fan
TN Fan

Love the rules! A Christian marriage is God, spouse, then kids...if you put kids before your spouse then you will both end up resentful & more like roommates than partners. When your marriage is strong, the family is strong.

jmmh
jmmh

The best gift a man can give to his children, is to love their mother. Happy parents = happy kids. We have 3 little ones' and it's difficult to make time for eachother. But when we do, it's all about us, we reconnect and the kids feel that positive feelings of love and security. So you have to put your spouse before your children. It's not a bad thing. Your kids grow up and leave, your spouse is there still. Good for you.

LOUISE PUGLIESE
LOUISE PUGLIESE

alexa.....you go girl give tameria and vicky hell. you are just what they needed .LOUISE FROM NEW YORK,,

FabLane
FabLane

Okay, you are officially my favorite housewife. The rest of the women are entertaining, but it's clear that your values are more in line with most "real" housewives. I can't wait to see more of your story.

Breath of fresh air...
Breath of fresh air...

I agree with your rules. It is Biblical- God, spouse, children... No, women do not need to do the "girls-night-out" but I think it is ok to do a lunch or dinner out with your healthy Christian friends occassionally. I do agree that we should not be doing the boozin-girls nights out. I have seen that lead to so much trouble for so many women. We need to encourage our marital relationships...I have seen the opposite of that happen on this show. These other women trash on their husbands, vacation without their husbands, rip on the other women's husbands, embarrass their husbands,etc. These are not good friends...they are dangerous. Best of luck!! Stay true to what is true!

mmc
mmc

Always remember why you got married in the first place.I have been married for 43 years and through all the trials and tribulations I always remembered what drew us together in the first place.Now that our three sons are grown and all out of the house, I'm so lucky to have my best friend who is also my husband with me!

Maria James
Maria James

Hmmm, God before all. How refreshing. I think I am really going to like you. Can't wait to see and hear more!

OCfanMeej
OCfanMeej

Hi Alexis, Im so glad you're going to be on the show. I think you will make things better for all the housewives, And Im so happy to hear that you make God #1 in your lives. Your like the PERFECT HOUSEWIVES. And I believe you will teach the other housewives a lesson and ease their problems as well as eachother. You are so beautiful...I haven't seen the new episode, and I already LOVE you. I agree with some of the comments, that you and Gretchen will be good friends. :)

 Miss Michelle
Miss Michelle

To Skeptic, saying that you were crazy for putting your husband before your kids: By having a strong, heathy relationship with your husband is putting your children first. Having a life partner who are truely happy with trickles down to every other aspect of you life, including your children. If the children were #1, as opposed to your husband, they probably wouldn't be as happy as they are with they way things are now. Props to you!

Michelle ;)
Michelle ;)

As others have said before you are definitly a breath of fresh air! I really hope that you don't conform to the caddyness that is displayed by some of the other housewives. I do have one question though. Do you think that becoming one of the "real housewives" is going to put a strain on the "no girls nite/no boys nite" rule??? I understand that the rule is mutual - but if you chose to sit out on the girls nites, the other housewives may start to think that your husband is another Simon. Best of Luck with your new "girlfriends"!

Bonita
Bonita

I get what alexis is saying about no boys/girls night out. I'm pretty sure she isn't advocating that a couple spend all their time together, only that their time apart won't be spent in any way that is potentially harmful to their relationship. On the show and I think often in real life stag groups or hen groups can be full of negativity. The rule about therapy once a month I think is a bit extreme but something similar is helpful. I don't think she'll be any different from the other ladies. I like Lynn's vibe and I warmed up to her because she was the underdog and I always thought jeana a bit spineless or unprincipaled. The other women are too lopsided in the way they are portrayed for them to be taken seriously. This season so far vicki does not seem as insane as usual.

hc
hc

Just as Gretchen was a breath of fresh air to the show I feel you will be too. I hope Vicki learns how to treat Don being around you. And don't ever back down from her. She really needs someone to put her in her place.

Church viewer
Church viewer

Alexis, can't wait to watch you on the show. You will be a breath of fresh air! I hope Tamra and Vicki can learn from you and I'm so glad you mentioned how important God is in your life. It sounds like you have a happy healthy marriage. I think you and Gretchen will be good friends, because you're both beautiful, real, and happy women! Watch out Tamra!

LCook
LCook

I am so looking forward to this season because of you. I have been longing for someone to come in and put Vicki in her place. What i mean is .... well let's just watch and see.

Bella B
Bella B

I disagree strongly with some of your list but I'll reserve judgment until we see more of you (and your list) on the show... I like you otherwise so far.

Kris P.
Kris P.

I couldn't do without my girls nights out! My boyfriend has his boys nights out too. I think time apart to live our own lives makes us happier when we're together and more appreciative of our time. We're both very independent and like our time apart.

Jewels
Jewels

Good luck in the show ...hope you can keep your values and morals during the show especially with all the mud slinging! Due to that just out of curiosity, why would you do the show?

Jewels
Jewels

Good luck in the show ...hope you can keep your values and morals during the show especially with all the mud slinging! Due to that just out of curiosity, why would you do the show?

Kate from Hawaii
Kate from Hawaii

Hi Alexis!

Commenting on your dinner: I too fix a plate for my husband every time we eat. I know what he likes, how much, and have done so even when I was working as well. I take care of him and he takes care of me. It's the little things you don't think about that mean so much to him.

We respect each other and while dating before we got married we told one another what we each expect of one another and where the line is drawn. We do not ever swear at each other and if we do argue he may yell and I end up pouting and not speaking for awhile but we cool off and it's like nothing ever happened, however, we do talk about it and always apoligize which is extremely important.

You seem very strong, confident and you are beautiful. Your husband loves you very much it's plain to see. I hope you put these girls in the wash cycle and rinse and watch them spin. Don't forget their water softner for their mouths!

By the way, Gretchen, Jeana and Lynne are very nice people. You will find true friendship with them.

Good luck to you! I'm sure you'll put them in their rightful place. Church and Religion could really help them.

Look forward to watching you!

Aloha,

Kate

kb
kb

Welcome to the show. I hope you and your spouse stick by the rules you've stated in your blog. I also hope you continue to be as happy as you appear and this show won't take yoru relationship down.

Tabby
Tabby

I think you make a great addition to the show! You and your husband seem to have a beautiful relationship and that is something you can teach to some of those other housewives. Can't wait to see more of your storyline.

LynnA
LynnA

I completely agree with you about no "guys night out or girls night out." Lets face it, girls night out in bars become flirtatious atmospheres, other men are approaching,and I think alot of married women do it to feel young sexy and relevant. If its a book club,thats one thing, but venturing into bars/clubs is just asking for trouble/cheating.

Viewer09
Viewer09

Hi, you have so much passion. I think your a breath of fresh air on this show. Good luck

mmc
mmc

I like most of your rules and agree with the therapy if needed. I think Tamra and Simon are going through a financial crisis and they're getting on each others nerves.It really does help to talk things out with someone else because they do keep you on track. I'm just curious as to why you would do this show. It seems that you're wealthy enough or are you going through a financial crisis too?I know I am and it's not easy.Good luck with the show.

Yeah
Yeah

Glad to see you on the Housewives show. I love it. Your rules are so true. You seem so grounded and a down to earth person and mom. It's refreshing to see someone like you who does have the lavish lifestyle but also keeps it in perspective. Looking forward to seeing what you have to bring to the show!!!

Viewer23478
Viewer23478

I think you can still have a very healthy relationship/marriage even with "girls night" and "boys night." You just have to have....T-R-U-S-T in each other. duh

ocfan
ocfan

Why weren't you put on this show sooner????? I think you're great after one episode and respect your morals! That's something that's been very lacking with others on the show! I'm glad you're here now!

CTmommy
CTmommy

Congratulations on joining the show! You made a really great first impression on me. You have great family values and seem to be intelligent and head strong. I’m looking forward to watching you more. I appreciated your marriage advice. I think you make strong points especially about a marriage needing counseling. I personally disagree about not having girl nights or guy nights. Sometimes a person needs breathing room and a release from the stresses of life that come with family life. I’m not advocating going to a wild night club every weekend, I’m just saying that having a night for yourself to unwind with great friends from time to time doesn’t have to be negative to a relationship, especially if you are both faithful in God and yourselves and trusting of one another. Also, I always put my children before my relationship, but I guess if you put God first and truly follow his guidance you will be an excellent wife and mother regardless of the order in which you put your family members. Good luck with the show!

mommaoffour
mommaoffour

I already love you! I am going to try and follow your rules. You already seem to be one of the smartest housewives GOOD JOB!