Alexis Bellino

Alexis reflects on her dinner date with Tamra and Simon, and gives her seven rules for a successful marriage!

on Nov 11, 2009

 

Our double date with Tamra and Simon was so much fun! To be completely honest, the four of us did not stop laughing that entire night. It was so fun, light and happy. There was a short time during the evening that Tamra and Simon got into a discussion about Simon being too controlling. That was the only time I have ever witnessed anything about being 'controlling,' but I know that Tamra has claimed this a few times. Every relationship has its own set of issues. I like to say that every relationship goes through ebbs and flows. Sometimes there is an ebb, sometimes you are flowing ... The only advice I can give to someone who feels their significant other is being controlling is to talk it through. Every relationship needs counseling and needs to be reevaluated every so often, and if Tamra feels Simon is too controlling, they need to discuss this issue. I believe it's better to do this with a therapist because that way you can ensure BOTH sides are being heard. But it is apparent that some underlying issues are occurring in their relationship right now and I have the PERFECT person to help them resolve it.

It did not surprise me that Jim took Tamra's side during the dinner discussion, because I think Tamra was correct at that point too. Simon can't always be 'right' and he does need to be open-minded and have open ears. However, there is always more to a relationship than one instance, or one evening, and I believe that when someone says, "Have I ever been wrong?" they are going to be confronted. When Simon said to Tamra, "Have I ever been wrong about you?" he only set himself up for controversy.

I met my husband Jim at Palm Desert Springs Marriott six years ago on Memorial Day weekend. We have a lot of principles we live by, but to keep it short, I have put it into seven rules to make our marriage successful:

1. In our household, God is first, then each other, then our children.
2. Divorce is NEVER an option. We NEVER mention the "D" word, no matter how terrible our disagreement is.
3. We BOTH try 150% all the time. This ensures that our 100% is always being met. If both people only try 50%, there is usually a guarantee that your relationship is not at it's 100%.
4. We NEVER call each other names. You cannot take the words you say back - so don't say mean, hurtful things. (Fight healthy.)
5. We are in therapy at least once a month.
6. We have no secrets.
7. We do not have 'boys' night out' or 'girls' night out.'

The only thing I can say about Gretchen's comment about Lynne being a stricter parent is that based on what I have witnessed, I would not have allowed some of the things that have occurred with Lynne's daughters. Not only would I have grounded my child at that point, I would not have allowed some of the behaviors that I witnessed such as drinking, etc.