Brian Malarkey

Brian Malarkey doesn't hold back in his behind-the-scenes take on The Real Housewives of Orange County.

on Jan 14, 2009

Andy Warhol said everyone gets his or her 15 minutes of fame - well we had a lot of fame abuse on the "Naked Wasted" episode of RHOC.

When Bravo and the ladies came calling for me to take a nice drive up to OC and throw a dinner party, I thought, "I'll take another minute." I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I've never really watched the show, but I figured I knew what it was all about. I was so wrong. I was always curious about how they shoot these types of shows - are they scripted? Where do the camera and sound crews hide, etc.? I learned that it is impossible to script something as wild as an episode with these ladies. When the cameras start rolling - and they are rolling from the minute the ladies walk through the front door - all hell breaks loose. Now you see, I was on Top Chef to of course exploit my cooking skills, skills being the key word here, and myself. These ladies are exploiting themselves for popularity (cheap fame) and this is achieved by doing the outrageous.

I was in the kitchen focusing on the multi-course dinner I was preparing and I didn't realize all of the drama that was going on just a few steps away. Now I knew Gretchen was extremely drunk and making a mess of herself on camera for the whole nation to see, but I didn't know that Tamra, Simon and Ryan were plotting it all along. I thought Tamra and Simon were really great to work with, but I must say I was not impressed with the way they went after Gretchen. Now I'm not going to say I didn't think she had it coming, but this was over the top and sending Ryan after her was just wrong on so many levels. I mentioned I was curious as to where they hid the camera - well they don't hide the cameras. Cameras are everywhere and Ryan loves them. The crew was following him all over as he pawed at the defenseless Gretchen, which reminded me of the Hyena (I was going to say Lion, but Ryan is much more of a Hyena) hunting the Gazelle. And for the record, he didn't make a single drink that night.