OK, so I give up — I just can't write a short blog to save my life! Sorry guys, but I've learned I just can't do it! I went into writing this thinking I could make it short, and after writing this blog I am now coming back up to the top to say I just can't do it. Hehe. As I sat down tonight to write my blog — finally — I realized that I really don't know where to start. I have so much to talk about. First, I have to say that was a hell of a long potty break! Ha! They made us wait a whole week to see what would happen between Ryan and I. Wow, we must have been really exciting. The funniest part was that all of us women said to one another that it was one of the best times we had together. So I think it was disappointing to all of us that the footage came across the way it did. Vicki even told me that night that I was cracking her up and that I was fun, but all you saw was her giving me a weird facial expression. Vicki and I had an entire conversation for about 40 minutes over at Tamra's bar about some important topics as well, but none of that was shown. Tamra's house was beautiful and very well put together! I texted her the day of the party to see if there was anything I could do to help with the set up because I knew she was worried about it being perfect — which it was! Chef Brain cooked a beautiful meal and he put so much time into the preparation. It really was a fun night and we were all a lot more tolerant and forgiving of one another, so that made the party even more fun.
After watching the footage on TV, I think it is too bad that they had to taint that night so badly. They focused so much on Ryan and me, when in reality that was not at all what was fun or even interesting about that night. (The food, the surroundings, the company, the conversation, and the toasts we all made were far more interesting). I had such mixed emotions about the footage at Tamra's party that I think I needed a good week to just process them. It was a roller coaster ride of people calling, texting, and e-mailing with advice or words of frustration because of what went on in that episode. I understood completely because I found it hard to watch myself. I mean I didn't remember a lot about that night, but all the girls kept telling me how funny I was and what a hoot it was to have me making such funny gestures and imitations. So when we saw the footage I think we all were surprised at our actions. I was utterly embarrassed, Tamra was taken back by what she said (when we text each other), and it was just a little disappointing.
The worst part is I actually started to believe that what I was watching was the truth and I started to believe all the things people were telling me really happened that night. It got inside my head and I became angry and mad about what went on that night. The worst part is we have to relive what we have already been through all over again. I mean this was last summer for goodness sakes and now we are seeing it for the first time and getting mad and hurt by what others are saying or doing, even when we have worked out our differences long since then. That emotional roller coaster ride is not fun to go through over and over again as the series continues.