I have been a little out of commission the past two episodes due to the holidays. So this blog will be regarding the last two episodes - oh boy, that means it'll probably long again! Sorry in advance!
My sister came into town for the holidays and we got to spend some quality time with her, and I really just hung out with my family a lot these past few weeks. This holiday was the hardest holiday I have ever experienced, so I am grateful to have a family to spend my time with, cry with, and help me through the really tough moments of missing Jeff. Christmas was Jeff's favorite time of year and he always made it so special for his kids and me. I talked to his kids a lot and they all were having a very difficult Christmas due to it being the first one without their Dad as well. I've realized my emotions have been like a moving river; everyday I wake up with a different emotion. I can't seem to grasp if this empty spot in my heart will ever go away. Every time I think about Jeff it hurts just the same as the day I lost him. I am beginning to wonder if the age old saying "Time will heal your pain" is really true. I am starting to wonder if time will really ever make a difference. The person is gone and that is a feeling you can never get over. Nothing I can do will ever take that feeling of loss in my heart away. No matter who else I meet or whatever direction my life goes, it will never be lost on my heart that Jeff is no longer here with me. I found myself crying often this holiday and even the things that were suppose to make you smile I found myself silently crying about. It was things I wish I was sharing with Jeff - everything from a movie I watched to seeing another couple kissing under a Christmas tree taking a picture. I have so many good friends that have tried to keep me busy and keep me doing things that were fun and could temporarily put a smile on my face, but I have been hurting a lot these past few months.