As George and I had less than 10 weeks total to plan our wedding, we didn't have much time to socialize with our friends. I think most of them thought we had dropped off the edge of the earth. Barbara Wallace, our wedding planner became our best friend. We did manage to sneak in a trip to Europe shortly before our wedding. We went to Paris, Rome, and then met our friends in St. Tropez, which is turning out to be an annual event. St. Tropez is a bit like Vegas, in that what happens in St. Tropez, stays in St. Tropez I came home exhausted and had my first and only real panic attack when I realized we had only two weeks left before the wedding and I had so much to do. I thought I was having a heart attack, but my doctor confirmed it was most likely stress revolving around the wedding planning. The smartest thing she said to me was, "What is the worst thing that can happen?" Really, as long as George and I and the pastor show up, nothing else really mattered! My perspective changed and I was able to relax.
I did not invite Quinn to my wedding because I really hadn't had the chance to get to know her prior to the wedding. I had only met her shortly before the wedding. We were limited to 200 seats for our dinner and I knew we were maxed out!
Towards the end of last summer, Josh had realized that he had chosen the wrong path. He realized he was headed down a dangerous and possibly deadly road. He expressed to me, for the first time ever, that he needed help. Prior to that day, I had tried everything in my power to keep him safe and healthy — even tough love, which, by the way is far "tougher" on the parent enforcing the rule than on the child! I had consulted many, many professionals, hospitals, and programs throughout California. It took me years to realize that the change had to be made by Josh and only Josh. When he told me that he needed and wanted help, I was overwhelmed with emotion, tears of happiness, and newfound hope. In dealing with Josh for nearly 19 years, I knew I had to have a professional on hand to act as a mediator as I had not been trained to deal with or treat his challenges. I had seen Stacie Kaiser, the psychotherapist, on various television programs and had sensed her compassion. I was impressed with her ability to see things as they are and not what she is told. I liked her insightfulness. She was able to identify dishonesty and she didn't have a problem calling you out on it. I felt she was a good fit. I wasn't sure if Josh would show up for the session as we had had an argument that morning in regards to his manipulation and deceit. I was prepared to have Stacie help just me in dealing with my emotions, frustrations, turmoil, and stress from my constant worry over Josh's well being. I was thankful that Josh showed up. It was his first step in taking on the responsibility of his own life and the beginning of his healing process.