"When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn't a sign that they don't understand each other, but a sign that they have, at least, begun to." -Helen Rowland
What a week. I wanted to thank all the outpouring of support from everyone for Tammy and me regarding recent events. This is not something either one of us would have wished on each other. Please keep the prayers and support coming. I know I can feel it around me when I feel low and down. And I humbly ask at this time to please respect our privacy, something we don't have the luxury of anymore. We both want to protect and be there for our kids. They are the most important thing to us. So let me just say a few words, and then let it rest.
I would have given anything to have this play out in any different scenario. Divorce was the last resort, and came with much despair. However, based on her actions and words on the show, I really felt that this is what my wife wanted all along. What other assumption can I or anyone in their right mind assume? I really do love her and only wish the best for her. In fact, she has told me recently that she is happy being single. And even the way she has dressed lately (she does look really hot) tells me that being single is what she wants. Of course that hurts me. I wish she wanted to be married to me, but that is not in her heart right now. And after some recent events this past week, I have come to the conclusion that we will never be together again. And I will have to accept that.
After attending church and putting the kids to sleep the other night, I started to feel sorry for myself and shed some tears. Then out of the blue, I had an epiphany. Why was I continuing to be upset and miserable? This was no different than when we were together. I realized I was going to have to open up my heart and soul, forgive her, and let go of all this animosity and anger. Once I came to this realization, a quiet peace came over me. I immediately wrote Tammy an email to let her know how I felt. I wrote that I forgave her and hoped she could forgive me. At that moment I was at peace with everything and everyone. I started to uncontrollably smile. Why continue to be angry and upset? I know that anger only harms yourself and attracts more negativity. So instead, I released and let it go. It was a spiritual experience and gave me such strength. I have and will always support her as much as she will let me. I see that I was right about ending the marriage. She has embraced her independence and loves being single. I guess I should have realized this when she barely showed up for our marriage counseling. This brings me to all the people that are suggesting counseling to save our marriage. We tried that! We started going the day we signed to do the show, three years ago. Unfortunately counseling needs two willing participants to succeed.