It's been mentioned by some viewers that I send mixed signals. The truth is that it has been a very difficult and complex process, so I'm not surprised if it appears that way. After the breakup of any major relationship I think that most couples go through at least a two-year period of floundering, occasionally unsure if the right decision was made and struggling with desires to go back to what is familiar and perhaps safe. You remember all the good times and somehow magically forget the bad -- until you spend too much time with the person again. Then you recall why you aren't together. It's been a tough time for both of us. But I am at peace with my final decision. There is a popular book out now titled It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken. That title sums it up well. I know many people have urged me to get back together with Duff. Frankly, I cannot understand why anyone would urge someone to go back to a relationship that they are uncomfortable with. I don't want to be stuck in one of those dreadful situations where you break up then get back together again countless times, only to find that the original reason you broke up is still valid. I've done enough of that and I gave it ten years of my life. I've noticed that men who are attracted to me often assume a sort of savior quality in their interactions with me. There can be a level of mild condescension or protectiveness, as if perhaps they know what I need — but of course they think they know it before I even know it. I am not always as assertive as I would like to be at times. I'm an easy-going person. It may seem alluring to be "saved" by someone in a sense, but it becomes tedious quickly. I may struggle at times, or seek counsel, help and opinions, but I like to learn from my experiences and enjoy the rewards of achieving goals on my own — even if the goal is merely survival.
Sometimes I feel that Duff brings up certain issues, like the sacrifices he has made for me and my children, or gazing at old greeting cards from years ago as a method of guilt-tripping me, or at least saying, "See, I am the right one for you!" The truth is that I am sincerely grateful from the bottom of my heart for all the good things he has done, and I won't deny that. I feel for him and don't want to hurt him. But my feelings now have changed, and it would be useless to pretend otherwise. I cannot give back something that is no longer there. I have great respect and love for him, even if friendship is the current manifestation of that sentiment rather than something more passionate. Duff is a wonderful man and father of my child and I hope to always have a good relationship with him. It's taken awhile to reset our parameters. It was portrayed in an earlier episode that I had Duff kicked out of Jeana's BBQ party before I came over. In reality, I never asked Jeana to kick him out. I simply called ahead to advise that I would be arriving in about an hour. Jeana was also aware that I had a date with me at the time (who was not shown on camera). Obviously it would have been a bit awkward for everyone involved had I busted in there with a date when we hadn't really crossed that hurdle yet. I had no intention at all to hurt Duff's feelings.