Tamra Barney

Tamra talks about her relationship with Simon, Gretchen's accusations, and more!

on Dec 11, 20090

 

It is a great feeling to be back in the real estate world again. Teaming up with Marcos (www.marcosprolo.com ) has given me the freedom to make money and still spend lots of time with my kids. The market is definitely changed and you really have to work harder for your money. But there is still money to be made, just this week we got two new listings for January ... high five, Boss! Marcos is a great mentor and wonderful friend to me and my family. Being home with the kids is something that is very important to me and Simon both. Simon might have come off strong as we talked about me going back to work, but he just wants what is best for our kids.

When I was talking to Vicki on the phone about Florida you didn't hear the whole conversation. What you didn't hear was me telling Vicki that having three small kids it is very hard to get away on a girls trip. If I had it my way I would have brought the kids too. Simon and I don't have time to get away alone and I didn't feel that is was appropriate since us Housewives had another girls trip planned to San Francisco the following month. Vicki's kids are grown and she has the freedom to travel with or without Donn when ever she wants. The guys did their thing and we did our thing. I think Donn would have had a great time hanging with the guys.

Donn and Vicki's conversation at dinner about Simon was NOT cool. Simon NEVER said that their relationship was "not normal" What he said is that their relationship is "different" meaning Jim and Simon both have small kids and it is not that easy to travel. I was a little upset with Vicki's comments about Simon.

 

54 comments
Shantell frm  NO
Shantell frm NO

i think all of you ladies are great and Lady Tamra dont get too stuck on yourself you have done some unLady like things to others on this past season. Dont get out of your woman hood, and find love in a new direction without Simon. PS i thought you guys were perfect.

keepitreal
keepitreal

simon did say vicki and don's relationship wasn't normal!! he said it many, many times.. be careful when you say words like never because you'll probably just be proven wrong

Ana Sia
Ana Sia

Tamara,

i find it truly sad how you were so willing to sell out a friend, when you were the one who was unable to disclose to your own husband how you truly felt, and let Vicki take the blame for the problems taking place in your marriage. sorry to hear about the divorce. perhaps next time you will find strength in yourself to stand up and be honest and not hide from the true problems at hand.

MJ
MJ

You are one evil person.... Gretchen did NOT start all this and as a friend of hers I saw everything she stated on her blog... Getting away without kids geez ..welcome to the real world. You really owe Gretchen the apology and instead of beating up verbally on your childrens father, which never should be done, maybe open your ears and listen to him. You just lost the man who was your biggest supporter, but then you only hear what you want. Gretchen is much Classier than you by a long shot!

JV
JV

Tamra, I just found out about your situation with Simon and I must tell you that I am so heartbroken. I hate that all my favorite people get divorced!!! You are my favorite housewife and I also think you are the most beautiful. Even though Simon has a seriously strong personality, is VERY traditional and everyone says he's controlling, I think he's still a good man that will stick by you and take care of you even when you turn old and helpless. I remember when he was on camera last season he expressed how much he loved you, he was even crying. Please Tamra, try to make amends. I just think that the whole financial situation and losing the house really took a toll on the marriage. Thats all. He's just stressed out and he wants you to give him more attention. I truly believe he loves you sooooo much. He loved you even when you were all alone with just Ryan and I believe he loves you even more now... I mean,you did give birth to 3 of his children. Do not give up on the marriage Tamra. Simon is just crazy right now. I know he will come to his senses and retract what he has said and done.

OC fan123
OC fan123

Hi Tamra, I hope you and your husband can work things out. He really seems like he loves you. You can see when he looks at you how much he cares about you. Don't let friends lead you astray. You're husband is more strict and set in his ways, but if he isn't abusing you or cheating on you, keep him. There are many women who would love to swoop in and try to take your husband away from you and your kids. Also, Simon stands up for you when he sees others are hurting you, all you two need is some help with your communications. The base is there and that's most important.

a fan
a fan

Tamra, First I'd like to say I love the show. At the beginning I have to say I didn't like you much. Then I began to notice how much your husband seemed to control you. I began to feel well sorry for you. You seem like a beautiful bird kept in a cage not able to spread your wings. I wish you could see how much happiness showed in your face once you took the job with Marco. (I think that was his name) You came across the tv screen so differently than before. Stand up for yourself to Simon. He has no right to cage you up. Just remember to be true to yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you working or loving your son. Be strong and don't back down.

happy1
happy1

Love the show.Sorry to hear about your troubles.As for Gretchen I liked her at first but I think you may have been right about her lately it seems like she takes every ones problems turns them around and puts the spotlight on herself.True reality star to the core and Not too genuine at all.I think Lynnes daughter actually said that too after talking with her.I don't know Tamara seems like you have always seen a snake under there.I'm just starting to think your right.Any way God Bless and good luck with you.

Gail Sims
Gail Sims

Tamara, Help husband out of this rough spot, toxic friends do toxic a marriage. Recommit to spouse and marriage. Find new friends. Work together, start a business together. 20 years down the road… your husband is your friend not the enemy. Is your marriage worth saving? YES!

Psychology Major
Psychology Major

Tamara, when it comes to Vicki, she's not your friend, she is poison to you and to any marriage she is around, because she is not happily married and wants everyone else to NOT be happy like her. Vicki feeds off gullible woman like you, if you don't do exactly what she wants, she wants nothing to do with you. Beware of Vicki's heart of stone, for she will crush your entire world with it.

viewer11022009
viewer11022009

Tamra...my daughter and I watch the show. Quite honestly there are a lot of things I disagree with 1. exposing your family in this way and 2. the materialistic nature of the women on the show.. However! KEEP READING. Your husband is an emotionally abusive control freak and he is blaming you for his weakness. The "change" he speaks about is you becoming independent and learning to stand up to him. Hold your head high and put it behind you in the best way you can. As a social worker, I can promise you, you will never be perfect enough for him. It made me cringe to watch the episodes with him in them. You do have some personal work as well...get on those kids and don't spoil them. Hold them accountable and they will be fine. Parenting is not fun, and doing it alone with a controlling is going to be even harder. Read up on emotional abuse and you will realize what you have been living with. Good luck!

Tracy Galibert
Tracy Galibert

Well, I've been watching the show for many seasons now, and I have to say that the bitchiness is getting old! Really, what do you care what Gretchen puts on her blog if it's not true!!! Who really cares? Don't you think that you should be the bigger person? I understand not wanting to get in someone elses drama, but really just say I don't want to be a part of it and leave it there. As for Simon being controlling, there's too much to say about that. I understand that marriage is hard and takes a lot of work, trust me! Why would you say that you'll leave your husband on camerra? Wouldn't you want to make things work out at least for your kids? No one can make you do or be anything you don't want to. I think that you're both at fault for your marriage. As for the Florida trip, I understand not wanting to be without your husband, but did the boys reallly have to go everywhere with you? If so, why did you go? I don't think that was being a good friend, but that's just my opinion. My husband is #1 in my life and always will be, but there has to be times where you can be separated from each other. That says a lot about trust in your marriage that you cannot even be apart for a short time.

christy sutton
christy sutton

tamara,

i think simon is one of the biggest a holes... i wasnt sure what i thought about you at first... but i am coming around !... i really do think that simon is not the man for you anymnore... you are strong outgoing woman and i think he just cant handle that anymore. i know its hard to let go ... but i really feel llike he is trying to hold on to something that your just not... you are a good woman and you deserve to be yourselve and live life to its fullest. good luck with everything ... with or without simon you will do sooo well... and btw... you are right... they do come younger... but they dont come sexier !!!

Caly
Caly

Girl, just watched the last show..you're scared to move forward, Simon is controlling because his ego is involved, it makes my skin crawl to see you cowtowing to a man like this... you have real estate background, and are happy with that and your a beautiful woman....work it... These women have men that accept them as individuals and respect them and trust that they have some kind of brain in their head... sorry simon is a complete thumbs down for me, If I had a man like that in my life, he would have something missing after he was missing me... Caly from California

jill~fl
jill~fl

Tamra I love watching the show... you are such a trip! It sucks that you are going through a tough financial time right now. Stay true to yourself and I know you will come through this trying time stronger and better then ever!

jill~fl
jill~fl

Tamra I love watching the show... you are such a trip! It sucks that you are going through a tough financial time right now. Stay true to yourself and I know you will come through this trying time stronger and better then ever!

jill~fl
jill~fl

Tamra I love watching the show... you are such a trip! It sucks that you are going through a tough financial time right now. Stay true to yourself and I know you will come through this trying time stronger and better then ever!

watching
watching

Tamra, you are incredibly gorgeous and really freakin' SMART! I think that people find it hard to look past good looks and see a persons genuine talent and wit. You're obviously great at real-estate and LOVE it. I think Simon seems like a good husband but he needs to understand that part of loving someone is supporting their passions and talents. Get it girl!

Alison from Alabama
Alison from Alabama

You may need to consider a diet for Simon, there are a lot of "kudos" being sent to his blogs!

Like a Mirror
Like a Mirror

Hi Tamra, I wanted to tell you that as I have been watching the show and your relationship with your son it reminds me of me and my oldest. At first it was just him and I then I met and married my husband and we had another son together. In many ways my oldest resented that and times were very rough especially between my son and husband. He moved in with my parents for a few years and when he wasn't living with us, my husband and him got along ok for the most part. I know how it feels to be torn between your son and your husband and how it rips at your heart. I just wanted you to know you're not alone, I deal with it alot too. I guess you just need to realize that things tend to work out in the end and there is only so much you can do. Take care of yourself and maybe think of my post the next time things seem to suffocate you. Keep your chin up and keep smiling.

Alison from Alabama
Alison from Alabama

I keep seeing the next episode of Housewives of O.C. and its when you and Simon are in a fuss and you are upset and say, " I don't think I'm the person he wants me to be." Have you listened to that comment? Why do you even care, when all you have ever done is try to be the wife to him he WANTS you to be? You know, you have tried and if he is not pleased with what is in front of him, you need to tell him to kiss your... butt and he needs to deal with it. He doesn't want a divorce, he just wants to control the situation. You are probably the wife ever other man dreams of having.

Tanya Nelson
Tanya Nelson

I am a mom of four kids, and I don't travel often without my kids, like next to never. I stay at home most of the time, with the kids, and maybe go out once a week. I watch the show often, and I see you sitting on the fence with the two, and I think you need to open your mouth and tell them both how you feel. Vicki is your friend and Simon is your husband, but you need to stop letting them push you around! Your husband can not pick your friends, however your friends should not talk about your husband, that should be a conversation that is no appropriate. Live your life, and not for others!

amanda leigh
amanda leigh

Tamra, i am not a fan of you nor gretchen, i feel that both of you enjoy all the negative attention you receive from hating each other. I believe that no one has the right to judge the way other people live and that is all you and gretchen do to one another. yall are the definition of "mean girls". I think that you are a very beautiful woman with a loving family so do not lower yourself to childish drama, let it go. You and gretchen should try saying nice things to one other instead of always being hurtful. no one likes the stupid childish fights you have i think it lowers your ratings. i know that when u and gretchen start at each other i change the channel. If gretchen wants to get will every one then that her bussiness not yours. Like my mother always says worry about yourself not others.

young mother from Washington
young mother from Washington

Hi Tamera! I'm 24 years old with two kids. I really look up to you. I don't always agree with everything you say or do but understand that I only get a glimpse of your life. I am involved with a man I know loves me and our kids but seems to want to control me. I'm a drug and alcohol counselor for teenagers and take pride in my work. But it seems like he would like me to give up my dream to follow his. Watching you go out and continue your career to help support your family and give yourself pride and happiness was an eye opener. I can see you love your family but you also love yourself enough to go after what u want. Thanks for being my hero!

balance
balance

Tamra, think of your husband first, before any girlfriend. I can tell he really loves you. Don't give that up just because your having a good time.

Liz79
Liz79

Tamra,

First let me say that I just commented on your husband's blog and told him he needs to get you a longer leash for Christmas. Let me say that I think you are an amazing talented and beautiful woman and just from what I see he drags you down. He is WAY too controlling and even his little comments or digs he gets in is just too much. I also told him that if he loves you he would do anything to make it right with your son. NO excuses...just make it right whatever it takes.PLus I told him that the show is called the real houseWIVES and I have no clue why he even has a blog! Anyway,I really did feel like Vicki was done very wrong on the trip and that the husbands had no business being there when she planned it.It should have been said from the beginning that no you couldnt come. THat would have been alot better then how she was done.

lks
lks

Say a little prayer for you

Ms. T. B.
Ms. T. B.

I have to agree with Vikki, the plan was originally a girls weekend not a couples weekend. There are some couples whom are frightened to do anything without their mate, I have been married six years and my husband is very secured for me to take trips without him. The thought of something would have to definitely be wrong with Vikki to feel the way she did was unfair on the men's part. Also, like Lynne, whom would have preferred to have her husband on the sunset cruise as well, anyone would want to go with their mate especially when everyone else has theirs. The men should back off and understand, their marriages are not perfect and somewhat controlling of all activities in their mates lives, not sharing instead.

BeccaBee
BeccaBee

Tamra,

I love your style and I love all your outfits throughtout the show. Where do you usually shop for your clothes?

sunset6339
sunset6339

I don't know what is wrong with you! Why do you care! Don't you have enough going on, or maybe it's how you get ratings...I hope this is why you go on and on about other people! I am praying for your son...and your family!

cowgirl ohio
cowgirl ohio

Tramra could you please leave Gretchen alone it's her business what she does who cares. Your kids are so cute and I like the fact that you have a good marriage and a happy home life.

40 Year Old Viewer in Boston
40 Year Old Viewer in Boston

Tamra, I never liked you much before, but this season you became one of my favorite people on the show when you let your hair down and showed your vulnerable sides by revealing your financial and marital challenges. Not only that, you rose to the challenge by going to work! No one can say you are not pulling your weight, and I'm deligted to see that you are enjoying it. I dont think there is anything wrong with enjoying your money, especially when you are willing to go out an make it yourself! I also really relate to your feelings as a parent and as wife - Way to go Tamra!

The only thing I would lke to see you improve on is not giving in to the temptation to trash/judge others behind their back and involving yourself in others lives. I really dont see why you have assigned yourself the role of judging Gretchen...no matter how many times I see you list your reasons, they NEVER add up, and it makes you look foolish and petty. If you could rise above that, you would be golden in my book - good luck!

Tonja
Tonja

Hi Tamra, I have two older sons and my eldiest son never got into trouble with the law but he was into other things lets just say he is very street smart i am the typw of mom who gives and gives and makes excuses for my kids... and i always defend them no matter what they have done.. i know how u feel so much any ways i had to do the tuff love thing with him and because i did he is a better man now for it,, he has a great job with binefits, a wife and a baby girl 17 mths. old i hated the tuff love but it works i gave him no money i put him out of my house and i didnt talk to him for months till he pulled his head out of his butt.... I hope this helps you good luck and stop being there for him all the time it dont help

lil 1
lil 1

God sees all, hears all and knows ALL! like the saying goes: "what comes around goes around and karma will become a LIFE LESSON" for all of the women on the show..

Kateml
Kateml

Tamra, I believe you are a good mother and wife and that you really do want to rise above the drama. Having said that, why perpetuate the nonsense in your blog? Challenging someone to a lie detector test, when you claim to have burried the hatchet appears quite contradictory. Let this go, what Gretchen does should have no affect on you or your life whatsoever. I don't think you need to "defend" yourself against what she says in her personal blog, if someone is reading it, my guess is that they are a fan of hers and probably not yours. If you let this drama go, it will put you in a much better place. Cheers

Texas Housewife
Texas Housewife

I too have small children and traveling without my children for numerous of days is out of the question (even though I would love a little get a way). So this girls trip was an option and you opted to go. Soooo there is no reason to place the blame on Vicki when you chose yourself to go. On the Simon situation it comes across that he has a low self esteem and trust issues. I feel for you because you are a free spirit but yet still want to be loyal to your husband. In which you should be loyal to your spouse but your spouse has controlling issues and he makes it look like nothing is ever good enough for him. Dont get me wrong you are one of my favorite housewives, but unfortunately Simon has came in between your relationships with your son and with your good friend Vicki. I want you to be the person your most comfortable with and if Simon doesnt respect that it is his problem!!!

Brac
Brac

Tamra;

Per your conversation with Vicki on the phone that was edited out where you told Vicki about having 3 small kids and it being tough to get away on a girls trip, as well as how you and Simon don't have time to get away, nor the freedom to do so as Vicki does & how you feel it wasn't appropriate since ya'll had another trip planned for SF the next month and how while on the trip to Florida how the guys did there thing and so forth.

The bottom line here is, if all what you said is the truth, then you should have just declined the invite. You as well as the others turned the Girls trip to florida to meet up with Vicki into a couples trip and that was not appropriate. If it had been a couples trip to begin with and ya'll had some Girls only time while on a couples trip, then I think Vicki would had understood better, but that was not the case.

I understand the difficulties of finding some free time to possibly get away for a short trip when you have small children at home. I'm married, my wife and I have 8 children living at home (ages from 5 years old to 16 years old. the 3 youngest are ours the rest are adopted, but that's another story for a different time). Many times my wife and I have to decline invites from our friends who are much like Vicki and Don. Trust me they do understand. However if I or my wife do accept an invite to attend, neither of us ever be so impolite as to change the inviters intended event into something else.

Brac

Birch Bay
Birch Bay

On your Realtor site, you are making the same mistake that many do, you have started a monthly News & Events area that has already been forgotten. You posted twice in November and nothing since. The info is of Halloween ... hello? It's Christmas now! You have a good idea, and could garner some good attention to your business, but you need content .. and need to have something that will keep people coming back. Post Tamra, post! If you can't be timely, employ someone who can get your thoughts and post them for you.

Masonic
Masonic

You Go Girl! You are gorgeous too!

reluctant Viewer
reluctant Viewer

Whenever I read the blogs from this show, I feel like they have been written by a group of fourteen year old kids. All of you really need to grow up!

Wish I were a Housewife..
Wish I were a Housewife..

I think you're great. I love the show. Even though it is "high School" to keep wacking each other behind the back, I can understand why you are so annoyed by some !!!!!

Just be nice, be sweet and take the high road. I wish you best of luck w/Simon's tequila biz (i love tequila) and your real estate career! Your Great!

losburn
losburn

Hi Tamra,

I also have a husband that does not want me going out of town with the "girls", and is very jealous most of the time. Like you, I have a son from another marriage who has seen some very hard times, including a stint in drug rehab for 18 months to keep from going to jail. I suffered from quite a bit of guilt in the past thinking it was my divorcing his father that led to his lifestyle; however, I finally realized that even if my divorce did effect him negatively, he is still responsible for the choices he makes now.

I look at your life and think, "OMG, there are so many women out there that can empathize with Tamra".

First off, I encourage you and your husband to read a book entitled, "His Needs, Her Needs." I am in no way associated with the author of this book, but rather someone who had this book recommended to me, and it has changed my marriage for the better. I hope this post makes it through and if it doesn't because of me mentioning the name of the book, I hope the producers will at least give you the name of the book. I truly hope all can be worked out between you two.

Second, as much as you do not want to hear what your husband has to say about your son, sometimes the step-parent can see things from a perspective the we as biological parents cannot. We have been married 11 years and it has only been in the last 6 that I have actually listened and taken advice from my husband about my son. I have a B.A. in Psychology and even though this doesn't make me an expert by any means, I did learn that if I was going to heed my husband's advice, he was going to have to change the way that he worded his advice to me. For instance, you might ask your husband to word his advice by leaving out the words "you", and replace them with, "In my opinion". When someone includes the word "you" in a sentence, it adds ownership to the person they are speaking of, therefore that person becomes defensive. For instance, rather than him say, "You have to stop rescuing him and let him learn", a much better statement would be, "In my opinion, maybe it would help him if he suffered some really bad consequences this time". Your husband could then say, "Tamra, I am here to support that, so what ideas do you have that would send Ryan (can't remember your son's name) a more direct message"?

Tamra, I am praying for you and your family.

Hope I have helped in some small way!

Laurie

VAGirl
VAGirl

Hi Tamra..

You have the sweetest family. Your kids are adorable, and I hope everything is working out for you and Simon. I thought he was "right on" when he cared about the time with the kids. You two are a great couple and deserve a happy life.

Congrats on your job!!! You go girl! You're the perfect personality for business.

JLA
JLA

Tamara, Boy do I know how hard it is to be misunderstood and even accused of doing or saying something you did not. I think that you have made your point now though and should let it go. My attitude is, be cordial in the presence of the "enemies" and otherwise keep silent. Sooner or later, their own big mouths will do them in. I want you to be proud to have a man who loves you and wants to be with you like your husband does. Unhappy people cannot understand how fun and full filling times spent together as a whole family (with the kids!) can be. Enjoy your time with them while you can for all too soon, children and even friends may be gone. You won't be happy then if you are living with a stranger for a husband instead of your best and closest companion. Keep the faith baby!

Just me
Just me

Tamra, just by watching the show and reading her blog anyone can see the kind of person she is. By not continuing all this drama you just show us all that you are the bigger person. Happy Holidays! :)

SW
SW

Hi Tamara... I can understand how hard it is to travel out of town when you have little ones at home...

Vicky doesn't get it!! It has nothing to do with 'control' not in your case anyways...

L P
L P

Tamra,

T think you need to just get over the Gretchen thing. Its her business and her lifestyle. Everything you talk about her, bash her, just makes us like her even more. You bringing your husband along on the Florida trip is awesome. I am glad you and him have stood your ground. I enjoy most of the housewives on this show. Including you. I love Gretchen too. You both bring a glimmer to show. I hope you can find a bond at some point. Many wishes for a happy holiday season.

BostonWife
BostonWife

Tamra,

Your blogs are missing the spicey sarcastic humor! However, you want to turn over a new leaf - fine. I hadn't watched this show until the end of last season. Therefore, the tug of war with Gretchen is hard to follow. Frankly, a little goes a long way. Vicki seems to be a friend to no one except her wallet. She demeans or criticizes everyone. She seems toxic to be around. Therefore, I'm not sure who you could be friends with in OC land. In any event, have a wonderful holiday season!!

Kasia
Kasia

I did prefer the original cast of RHOC but than more I watch you Tamra , than more I like you. I also believe that Gretchen is the one who lies . Keep your head up , in Europe we still think that you are the hottest Houswife!

Viewer228
Viewer228

to me it makes even MORE sense to leave your husband home when you have small! i'd rather have my husband take care of my children rather than anyone else. you and alexis both seem to have controlling husbands. if that's the way you like it, then more power to you..i just don't think it's good to be that co dependent.