Simon and I both got upset with Ryan over taking our car when we were out of town. He was watching the kids at our house until my Mom got off work. He decided to drive my car to pick up some clothes at his house and who knows what else? His driver's license had recently been revoked due to speeding tickets. Ryan was absolutely at fault and I let him know that what he did was irresponsible and unacceptable, He could have put Simon and me in a bad position if he had been in an accident or pulled over. Simon had asked for an apology and when Ryan did not apologize he said Ryan was not allowed in the house until he apologized. I think what happened is Ryan got mad about his statement and it became a vicious circle. I begged Ryan to apologize and he would not. After several attempts at trying to resolve things, I decided that I was going to stay out of it and let them figure it out. My hands were tied and I was not about to choose between my husband and my son.
Without giving too much away, things are much better between them now. I think there will be a day that Ryan thanks Simon for all he has done for him and they will get along ... Right? Ryan has come a long way in the past year. He turns 24 this month, has a job and just started taking classes at a trade school.
When I say I have a lot of guilt and just want Ryan to succeed in something ... I mean it! I was 18 when I had Ryan and a single mom by the time he was a year old. I worked 6 days a week to keep afloat. I think about how he was in day care all day long while I worked and at 18 I was not equipped to raise a child. I also think about my children with Simon and what a different life they have. They are involved in sports, theater classes, dance, book clubs, boy scouts - things that will help them in life. I think about how I am home with them all the time and involved in their school and activities. I just feel he was robbed of his childhood. YES, in my mind I do understand that he is an adult now and he makes his own decisions, but in my heart it still hurts.
As I type the tears are uncontrollable and I sometimes feel like I failed Ryan. That is why I make being a mother my first priority in life. I am not saying I am a perfect mother, I am just saying I am trying to be the best mother I can be. I have started working with an organization called Mary's Shelter http://www.teenshelter.org/ not only to help raise money for pregnant teens and their babies, but also to help me with my past issues as a teen Mom.