Hey Tam, I totally feel this on you. I to was a young single mother. My son is now 20 and still trying to find himself. My 15 yearold twin boys are more stable, cause their father was in thier lives. I do wish you the best with him. Tough love is HARDER on us then the kids I think. I hope things look up for you.

p.s. can we get Lynn off the show? she is really boring.. KIDDING!

All you can do is your best! It is nice to see you do so much. You raised ryan how you knew how. Just spend time with him. Maybe he will change. It has too be hard.

Tamra, You are so fun! I love the themed "drunko" parties, and it seems like you needed a break. It was also nice to see Tammy and Quinn again. I'm glad, for your sake, that Ryan and Simon are mending fences. Don't ever lose your personality.

Tamra I know your pain is real and it does hurt. I too had my first son when I was 18 years old. He has gone through so much more "life" than the other four of my children who are younger. So, it's not that we're making excuses for our son's behavior, but we tend to have more compassion because we realize that are mistakes (and I'm not talking about our sons) in the past have affected our boys who didn't have a choice because they we're born into the current situation. It's tough being a mother. But you must forgive yourself and realize and accept that you we're the best mother you knew how to be in the time of your life. We learn so much as we become older. Finances, having a stable relationship generally changes things for the better of our children. Continue to pray for Ryan and Simon's relationship. God will restore!! The best and most important thing you can do as a mother is to pray for Ryan that God will keep him!! Love ya!!

Loved the wig Bunko party! We play Bunko once a month in our neighborhood. I particularly liked Alexis' wig! Any idea where she got it??

Hey Tamra-

I think sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is to help other people. It's great to see that a side of the housewives is giving back. Not enough emphasis is put on that, and its important for everyone to give back. Keep your chin up girl, everythings going to come out fine.

Tamra, I took the quiz and my result was Perfect... I am U. U r the Bomb. Hot,sweet, smart and strong. No BS. Luv U girl. Bjoxzx

You are a great Mom!

It's 2 Dang Early for me to be crying like this Tamra!!! =D (Love you) I totally know the feeling.. I was 17 when I had Tyler & everyday it's something, the school is calling or he is getting in trouble at home.. He doesn't even live with me, he lives with my parents b/c I wasnt able to take care of him at 17 & now he is 13 & totally Rebelling.. It HURTS ME.. So I know how you feel.. Everyone Learns from their mistakes & that is exactly what Ryan will do. When he's 30.. You can tell Him what My Mother told me "I wish you would have turned 30 - 20 yrs ago" LOL =D Hugs, Blessings & Always LOVE Jess

Tamra, I was brought to tears on last nights show regarding Simon & Ryans rift I went through almost the exact same thing with my husband and son from my previous marriage Things will get better you did what you thought was right, when you knew better you did better luv you babe, your the only real housewife lisah

Tamra, your Bonco wig party was a great idea and it's great to see you have real and true friends. The other Housewives can learn from you and your friendships. Also, don't give up on Ryan ~ be his advisor now and pull out all the stops. Admonish him, praise him, he is so clearly looking to you for advice. You're a great mom, and Ryan is a great adult; you just have to be overly involved much longer than most parents. But YOU can do it!

Good luck!!

Tamara,

Good luck with everything. I think it's wonderful that your involved with that charity and will be able to offer those girls some guidance. It's so much easier to take advice from someone who has "lived" the situation and then someone who hasn't had the experience.

It's weird, both my husband and I are children of young mothers. Although, it was my sister who my mom had at 18 and she had me when she was 24 and remarried. My mom has always been the hardest working person I know. My husband on the otherhand's mother wasn't not always there and a good portion of his life he was raised by his grandparents. Both his parents really flaked out on him and I can see the damage that it has done to him as an adult man. Although, you feel that you might not have been able to give Ryan the opportunities that your younger children have. You raised your son and were always there for him. Good luck to you.

Hi Tamra! I love you on the show we are so much alike and I love how you say what is on your mind. I believe that you are a great mother and I think you should keep doing what you think is best because no one can tell you how to raise your own child. I do hope things work out for you!

Watching the episode last night brought tears to my eyes. I, too had children young and have a 23 year old son, and my husband and son are constantly at odds. Our son has yet to find himself and is in and out of jobs and similiar situations. Just yesterday I was touched that my son wanted to go today to pick out a Christmas tree and when I mention to my husband how happy that made me his response was 'just don't expect me to talk much when he is around!' Ahhh does it ever stop? Why can't they understand the pain and stress they cause us?

So tonight I will look forward to meeting up with my son and we will go pick out a Christmas tree, and I hope to find my missing Christmas spirit.

Happy Holidays, Take care

Tamra,

My mother was 17 when she had me and 28 when she had my brother. She too was a single mom by the time I was one and things were different raising my brother versus raising me. Don't beat yourself up over it. While your younger children have had your time and other things in life...Ryan has viewpoints and life lessons that are priceless and will make him a strong, successful man. He might not realize it now (or admit it), but he will and it will help him overcome whatever life may throw at him.

I am now 30, have a master's degree (put myself through college) and have two beautiful children and consider myself strong-willed and self-sufficient. I love my brother who is now a freshman in college but sometimes I scratch my head at the things I have to help him do (College apps, financial aid apps, etc) that I just simply had to do on my own. Oh well....

Take care. Best wishes and Happy Holidays!!!

While I am Pro Choice, I think it's important for you to remember that you didn't fail Ryan at ALL, Tamra. You made a strong, difficult decision most would've taken the easy route out of by choosing to bring him into the world at all when you admit it was hard for you to do so. That took courage itself. Sticking things out, working tirelessly to provide for him, and instilling great values in him are all things you should feel PROUD of doing during those hard times, not at all feel GUILTY for. You're a good mom and wife, never let those qualities escape your field of view when you or someone else finds minor flaws in your present OR past.

Tamra you are such a great mother/wife/friend, your a person that can be looked up to. I give you credit that your able to put up with all this crap and still look great. You come accross as such a strong together woman, I dont have any kids so I cant relate to having a kid but you have come such a long way being a single parent its admirable. Your son is really no different than any boy his age you have done a great job with him. I can relate to the marriage issues financial etc... and again you give me hope and make me feel capable of being able to handle it.

Tamra you come accross as such a strong and solid wife/mother/friend. Although I dont have any kids I see what a wonderful mother/wife you are and all the issues you have to deal with and how stong you stand. Ryan is no differnt than any boy his age and you have done a wonderful job raising him as a single parent, things could always be worse. Me seeing cope with you have gives me the confidence as a wife to think I can handle what I have. Your a woman to be looked up to.

Tamra,

The Bunco Party was so much fun! I think that the rest of the show should have been a little more light hearted. Sometimes we want to escape our own lives and watch what other people do but don't always want to see ALL the problems that people are really facing! Thank god your party livened up the show!!!!

xoxo, CJ

stop feeling guilty Tamra....you worked hard to raise Ryan....I also had a young mom and I respect her and understand so much now that I am a parent....he will too one day, he probably already does....stop feeling guilty!! Just give him love and guidance and all is well...

Tamra, try not to let Ryan see your guilt. It will make him feel less responsible for his own behavior, as he will think that if you blame yourself, it is OK for him to blame you, too. I know that you did the best you could with Ryan when he was little. Lots of moms have to work long hours and have to raise children on their own. It is not something to regret or be ashamed of. Your shame and regret makes Ryan focus on what he may have lacked, not what he had. I am sure he had lots of love, laughter and support from you then, just as he does now.

I hope that you both can remember that good times from Ryan's childhood and forgive each other for the bad. Don't give him any reason not to be his best.

I wish the best for you all.

Tamra,

My wife watches your show a lot. I think you are the most beautiful, charasmatic, and intelligent housewife on the show! You amaze me how you NEVER age and you are always beautiful - even when taking care of your young kids!! Simon is a very, very blessed man. I hope life (and the show) brings you MUCH joy in the future!

Holden

Hi Tamra,

It is hard not to feel guilty when it comes to kids - we all do. You did the best you could with what you had when raising him. You worked hard to provide for him. Hindsight is 20/20 so don't beat yourself up! You ARE a good mother!

I can feel your pain when it comes to your son and husband not liking each other. I have a very similar situation between my 22 year old daughter and my husband (not her father.)

Blended families are tough...and when your spouse doesn't like your child, it's horrible and a pain that no one should have to feel. Really.

We can only do our best, sometimes it is better to let go then to try to make things easy for our kids. Make your marriage your priority and build a strong relationshiup with Simon.

Sweet post! You have a beautiful Mother's heart! Please tell Bravo that it's BUNKO, not Bonco. LOL I just moved into a new neighborhood a couple of months ago. I hope to start a bunko group here sometime after the first of the year b/c I'm expecting to go into labor any day now. You're totally right. Mothers need support too. I'm in a Mom's playdate group and it helps a LOT to socialize with other Moms and support one another while the kiddies play. Merry Christmas!

I know how you feel Tamra, I am in the same position with my 21 year old son. Although I was not a young single mom, my son had many advantages and maybe that was the problem. He's facing 60 days in jail for criminal negligence stemming from a car accident where he fell asleep at the wheel and injured two other people. My husband and I provided so much for our son, but his poor judgement is something he'll have to live with and deal with for a long time. My heart breaks for him, but I know that this must be his destiny, and it has nothing to do with me. I hope Ryan and my son will learn from their young mistakes and mature into responsible young men that we will be able to brag about sometime in the near future.

I left my highly lucrative, Wall Street job to spend time with my daughter, despite many telling me that it was a bad decision. I haven't regretted a second of it yet. I was able to do it, and I took the opportunity. Not everyone can. I think you are absolutely right that Ryan got a bad deal, not to the fault of anyone involved. If Simon could acknowledge that to Ryan (for you), perhaps Ryan could deal a little bit better with the dramatic difference in the childhoods and understand that it doesn't have to hold him back.

Good luck.

Tamra....Ryan could easily be my son...who will be turning 24 soon...and your husband could be mine. The situation is exactly the same! My son even does the tattoo thing just like Ryan! :o) I realized the wedge between those two, for whatever reason, stemmed from my husband's insecure personality...even though my son was 4 when I started seeing my husband. He's always been jealous of the mother/son relationship. I don't get it either and I wish you the best. I know the wedge...and I know the hurt. Stay tough, chicky!

Hi Tamra, Out of the housewives I can relate to you the most. I had a daughter at 18 and raised her as a single mom and it is really difficult. She is now 23 and is ready to go to law school. All I can say just love him(Ryan).He will do well in life and be there for him.M y daughter did too suffer the pitfalls of having a teen mom. But we made it through and God smiled on us.Keep your chin up I'm rooting for you because I know you are a reaaly good person. God Bless you and your family!

I have a son like Ryan, and I was home with him. He would have been the way he is even if you had been home. Also, my son comes between my husband and I and it is his natural born son. I feel your pain and I am sorry you have this trial. Think of the 3c's of addiction...you didn't cause it, you can't cure it and I don't remember the other one. lol.

Tamra, you were/are doing the best you can do for your children now and in the past, that speaks volumes and i truly admire you for that. you are the most "real" housewife in my opinion. luv ya!

Tamra, Having raised three sons who are now grown I know the challenges and the friction that can come between a husband and wife.The best thing you can do is get help for Ryan. He needs help findinghis way.I can't blame Simon for being so upset.After all he sees what Ryans bad choices have done to you.That hurts Simon because he loves you and doesn't want you unhappy.Some kind of counseling might help you all. Do it together and it will help. Sometimes a neutral party can make sense of a situation.I just want you to know after all the stress and worry and arguing that goes along with raising sons, mine all turned out great.Ilove them and they love me and we all respect each other.That day will come, I assure you!

Tamra,

It is very clear that you are a classy person. I still think Real Housewives would interesting if they didn't play up the drama or edit scenes. You are all real people with real problems- like everyone else. The only difference is perhaps the extraordinary lifestyles that surround you (luxury goods, homes,etc).

I hope everything works out and that your family can get back on track financially (to the same standard of living you had before). I also hope that everything works out with your son Ryan. I have a cousin that is very similar to Ryan and grew up in a very similar situation. There is still hope for him to get on the right track.

Have a great Holiday and I hope 2010 is rewarding for you!

Even though I was not a single mother, my third son who is now in his late 20's, WAS a Ryan. I cried so many tears over this child who had no ambition and would make no commit ments to anything or anyone in his life. Every day he would fight with me or his father, over his job situation (usually nothing ) or late night ( or all night ) hours. Then sleep until 2 or 3pm. His attitude was one of disrespect to anger to all of a sudden a sweet boy, because he " needed something." MONEY. Then one day he met a girl, and his entire life changed. She got him up early, scolded him for his nasty mouth, got him a job, and then WHAM. She was pregnant. He was the happiest I have ever seen him, and they got married, and he started college.

UPDATE. They have been married 6 years and have 2 beautiful daughters, with school behind them, and great jobs. He apologized to us for all of his behavior, and said he can't believe he did all of that.

So, Tamra, just wait. There is something just waiting around the corner for Ryan that will open his eyes and change his world forever. Just keep loving and praying for him. Let him know every day you love him.

In the meantime, keep your friendships intact, especially Gretchen's. Do NOT shut her out. She absolutely loved Jeff with all of her heart, and the " old men rich jokes " are hurtful. They would have to be. I can see it in her face, and they certainly cut through me, and I do not even know her. Never, ever judge until you have been there. You ladies should know that by now after all of your fights. Sorry for the long post. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Love you!!! Vicki

Tamra - as much as you feel you failed Ryan, I don't think its too late for him to be helped. He may be older - but doesn't seem to be fully 'grown up' quite yet. He still needs help and guidance. I believe Simon is hurt for good reason, but also is working to do right by Ryan with rules and consequences. You and Simon do so much for him which (based on the show) he seems to not appreciate. Maybe its time for some tough love in order to whip him into shape and find some direction in life - but its never too late. Chin up!

Tamra -

I just LOVED the "Wigged Out" Bunco. I only regret that I didn't know you played or would be playing. I'm an artist who, among other things, makes fun themed Bunco Party Kits. I would love to make one just for you or offer you any on my site - just contact me! Keep on rolling those dice and having fun!

What did wearing weird wigs have to do with a Bunco Party?

I can see wearing them for Halloween, but for playing dice???

Tamra, Try to get rid of your guilt over Ryan's childhood. A lot of people didn't have charmed childhoods. You did all you could do with what you had to work with, at the time. Your guilt is causing you to enable him in a big way. When you get tougher, Ryan will become stronger. I'll bet it's hard for you to deal with the position Simon has taken, however he is just trying to teach Ryan a thing or two. Remember, you did everything you could to raise Ryan in a good way. As far as being active in your younger children's schools, sports, activities, etc., when they're Ryan's age it won't matter anymore, because they'll be on to newer things. Hang in there, and don't feel so guilty. Ryan is lucky that you saw the pregnancy through and all that goes with that. Good luck, Tamra.

TAMRA, PLEASE PLEASE READ THIS: I am so sorry you think that you let Ryan down because when he was born and raised, you neither had money, nor the ability to stay home with him like you have for your other children. If I may, I would like to tell you how I survived my relationship with my father who was both physically and emotionally abusive, and was able to be at his bedide without guilt or anger when he passed. I know that he knew that I forgave him. I think if that had not the case, I would have gone crazy when he passed. As I have aged and became a mother, I figured this out: If a person (or couple) wants to have children (whether planned or not) and they want the best for their children, they do their very best they can at the time and place that they were in at that time. When I did that, I was able to forgive myself for not being a "perfect" parenT. I hope this helps!!! Blessings!

Tamara, You are a good mother.Don't beat yourself up because you were not able to provide Ryan some of the luxuries that your little ones are exposed to. These things enhance our lives, but they don't define who we are. I know many of "rich" kids that have fallen into a bad way and conversely those that were raised poor, who are extremely successful. He's alive, brilliant handsome guy, if he wants to do some of the cultural things that your little ones are doing...HE CAN. HE'S STILL YOUNG!!!

Tamara. you did the best you could and you worked really hard for Ryan when he was a baby. you have npothing to guilt yourself over. it will all work out. try meditating, and trust the love you gave and still do. connect up with Laurie and ask her what she thinks, after her son when to rehab she might provide ideas or at least a good hug.

Tamra, Your a great mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep up the good work. Debbie

Tamra I think you became a good mother you chose to have your baby. As far as the car situation, my 16 year old son also took my car without permission, he ended up in a terrible car accident and the only thing I could think of was how grateful i was to still have him alive. As parents both of you need to take a step back and love and support your children, put i behind you and focus on the future, Life is too short! Also give Gretchen a break, we have all been there before, you should know better than to judge another like that. Yes she's young and pretty and we all make mistakes! Move on, you have so much already, perhaps you can continue to be her friend and mentor her in some positive way! xoxo Bella

Love you....love you....and you ARE the hottest Housewife! :) Love watching Housewives of OC and love your spunk! You are a great mother and Simon is a great father...Ryan will learn this one day and will be kicking himself in the @ss for all the opportunities he has passed on. Keep your head high and keep on smiling...love watching you!

Tamara, while I don't always agree with some of the things you say, I can see that you love your family. It sounds like you are all on the way to being in a good place from where you were during filming. I know how financial troubles can wear on a family. Be kind and be happy!

Hey Tamra, you are the mom you are and a good one at that. No guilt!! OK? Ryan is an adult now and he has the choice to go whichever way he chooses. These are his decisions and he needs to own up to them. NO blame to you. Time for him to step it up and become a man. You have such a great hubby in Simon. I'm so glad you have chosen to NOT keep the stupid riff going with you know who. But you are the best and really are a fantastic mom, wife, friend and all around person. And BEAUTIFUL!

Dear Tamra- I think that it is great that after you expierienced something hard like being a teen parent that you now help other mothers with the same situation, you probably wish you had this help when you were living it. Have a little faith hat SOMEDAY your son will have a better relationship with his father and be thankful of him.

You're the best!

Tamra, you are so pretty!! Amazing you've had 4 kids. I am sorry, but I feel for Simon. I have a teenage stepdaughter and know how difficult it has been for me. All I can recommend is possibly good counseling!!! I love your pink dog!