I must have watched this episode 10 times. I thought if I saw it enough times I would not cry. It didn't work.
I am so grateful that you are able to get a glimpse into David and my experience at the Couples Retreat with Tina Konkin. It has changed both our lives. I never thought our relationship would benefit as much as it did. I wish you could have seen more of the two days that we spent there—so many deep and touching moments.
The tombstone exercise was surreal for me. We were asked to compose a eulogy that we hoped our spouse would say at our own funeral. I wrote a lot more than you heard, but it was important for me to include the positive things that David could possibly say about me. At this point in our relationship, David had absolutely made a commitment to me and our family to repair the damage done by the affair. But I have to say that this was the first time I really saw my husband break down over everything that happened. Incredible that it was actually filmed and I have had the opportunity to experience David's true emotions multiple times.
Now to David's eulogy. He didn't understand the instructions and apologized immediately after the exercise. We had just completed a task about our "issues" and it stuck with him. Bottom line, my husband loves me and he demonstrated beyond that in this task with his emotions. That is all I care about.
It is very difficult to relive everything as we watch the show, but I am truly committed to do everything it takes to move forward. I am not going to take two years. It is my hope that someday the memories of this period evoke zero emotion from me. I absolutely forgive David because he has shown true remorse and regret.
I am spent. Two days of deep and intensive emotional exercises have wiped me out. I look like I have aged 10 years. I am so distraught that our children became aware of the affair because that was never the intent, but it was beyond my control and it happened. We continue to work with our children. You see David ask our children for their forgiveness. The twins are young and really don't know how to process everything; they want their Daddy and family to be happy. I will never forget the moment when Sophie stood up. To say such an profound comment that she would "forgive, but never forget", broke my heart. She is such a sweet soul. When I saw the tear trickle down her cheek after her exchange with David, I felt so guilty that some of her childhood innocence had been taken away from her. I still do.
Vicki's tequila party came a few days after our Couples Retreat ended. It was the last thing I wanted to go to. It was cold. It was late. I was not excited to see some people that I hadn't seen for over 6 months.
To be clear...I am NOT uncomfortable meeting Meghan. I do not think she flirted with my husband. I was upset at the hoedown because David never introduced me. End of story.
I have forgiven Tamra for all of the issues we went through last year. However, I am not going to jump from not seeing her in 6 months to holding her hand after one hour.
I am not happy Vicki isn't going to Napa with the group. Stay tuned to see how that goes next week...
For more information in the Couples Retreat and Tina Konkin, visit Couples Retreat.